Secrets and Songs

Hi it’s me.

(this is not the song the post is about)

I wrote a song once years ago for that song contest I have historically done (Song Fight!) called Colorblind. So not recently. Recently-now I am thinking to finish a song called ‘This is Fine.’ At the moment, I don’t know that they’d have a title like “colorblind or Only I think it is meant to be spelled in the overseas sort of way with what I think of as ‘vacation vowels’—so with the ‘U.’ Like in the improv game Be More British.

Anyway, I did this long ago. Because it was the given title and we were told to. This had to have been sometimes between 2009-2011. I think I was supposed to not have a chorus and sort of meander along or maybe tell a story or I don’t remember. Typically for me at that time, I wrote it about a super secret almost-relationship I had had which was frustrating to me. I wanted to write about this thing that had happened so briefly that nobody in the entire universe even knew about so much so that I often forget it was there. Now, this is decades ago and I was so different.

In songwriting, not even five-ish years ago, I used to be vague but also forthcoming. I wrote in metaphors. But always, I look for signs. Maybe I’ll do this #songcontest I used to do again and maybe I will not. It seems to be a deadline my songwriter clock respects for some reason. The only other way I hustle is for an opening day or money.

I found these old lyrics, looking for paper. These were not the ones I used. These were full of flowery metaphors and obfuscations about what I was going through then. And my songwriter muscles are a bit out of whack after the switching gears into improvising and not sitting and crafting scenes and moods and a musical agenda. But there has to be a balance, right?

Debating Debates

The first week of November, I guess we’ll have to remember there are other elections, other causes, other ways in which to get involved … here in the U.S. Hopefully, Americans will take the next four years to reflect on what brought us to this point in history. On EXACTLY where we are situated in relation to the rest of the world. On how we react to the media, to advertising in general, to each other. What we think about ourselves and our families and all humanity and the future of ourselves and this planet and what our responsibilities are to the future of the entire cooperative earth.
Or, depending on the outcome, we can start learning real survival skills, moving inland, gardening/canning/preserving, and collecting rainwater too. I may post more too. 🙂 who knows how long the power grid will stay up. I suggest we all use the internet to talk to one another about longevity and space travel–rather than for Twitter call outs and entitled bickering.
#justsomethoughts #newiceage #extinctionlevelevents #noonewillhearyourfirstworldscreams
(photo created with PRISMA app)

THINGS to DO today…

1. Post on G+ after squiqillions of years.

2. Say hello to brain.

3. Floss for SECOND day in a row. This is elementary to some, but not to ME, dear Watson.

4. Practice piano again, as I became allergic to my own musicianship and kinda quit for a while but didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to hear the “awwwww why???” and then have to have the ‘well-why-don’t-you-give-me-MONEY-then-FOOLZ!’ conversation. #ahem

5. Run a bunch of rando errands that take as much time as a real person’s job because I am a meandering Xondorian space cadet  with the attention span of a Concord grape–but I have accepted this, oh yes, I have accepted this.

6. Am considering video blogging and going back to making my rough-ass looking videos even though I have not figured out how to make crisp mountain-fresh cinematography and my YouTubery looks like it has been through a grainy mayonnaise bath. I don’t want to be mistaken for one of the screaming goats. 

Maybe. They’re sort of cute and funny. I could do a lot worse.

a tiny list

1. I’ve been doing this thing where I completely overhaul my poetry because I’m not sure who I Am. I’m just going with it. It’s because I’m real artistic.


My enigmatic poems lurch nauseatingly forth, adverb laden, pretentious, pregnant with pregnancy
like barbecue sauce across the surface of The Lord’s good tablecloth
utterly Not Doing it For Precisely
Anyone at All…

2. I drink too much lately, I’m just going to admit that. MEASURES are in place. I’m WAY to old to start over-drinking in my 40s. That is NOT the way to have a mid life crisis. I need a convertible, or an exotic lover who smells like spice market and wears a caftan and Mysterious Sunglasses and also has 3 Swiss Bank accounts in his disposal and a private plane. I’m naming him Thor. Because that’s way reasonable to think ‘I’ve done MY damn time! I should get a THOR!’

3. It’s not apropriate or Right to own A Thor in these judgy and unfriendly times, so I require a droid. Just think … A droid with a minibar and other special amanatees. #counterproductive

4. I think I’m not blogging as much because of my Attitide Problem. There’s no vaccination for an attitude problem so no one is immune, they still run rampant and are the leading cause of unnecessary depth.

5. I think one of my secret internet identities might be a Sociopath, but I’m not sure. She shows no remorse and just does as she likes. she also doesn’t care if I floss, and this has been the problem ALL ALONG with the obsession with dental hygiene in this blog. 

6. I’d tell you more about the state of My Bod, but that’s a slippery slope (not literally).

7. THIS JUST IN. There is now a #7 here, because there used to be 2 #5s (on accident) and one was not formatted correctly. So this is a bonus. I still am going to be eating cheese, for now.

back with more wapier writ.

1. I feel better, so I’m going to write a long post about some serious stuff soon.
2. I am tired of worrying about everything I always worry worry worry about, but most especially about grammar, autocorrect, and my #alasicannotspell-laden brain. This is a problem for another generation of rodents. But I always post something on some posty-place and think “AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHGIDIDSIDFLDSJGAKDKHGAD!!!” and just KNOW I looked like a wrong-its-using idiot-o-tron. What can be done about these horrid matters in a Time of Tiny-assed Keyboards?
3. I don’t even know what I say half the time anymore. but it seems I cannot be stopped sometimes. I consider that I fret about fat thumbs more than a shapely derrière a bit of a win though.
4. I will not post another thing about my dental hygiene.
5. You are now caught in a wormhole.

showers and flowers and bears. oh my.

1. Congratulations.
2. Tomorrow you have been scheduled to wake promptly and forget the last Four to Five years of your Entire Life.
3. Yes. We’re talking roughly from March 31, 2010 to April 1, 2014. Oh and also you can choose anyone at random upon the earth to joyride inside the consciousness thereinslyof or whatsowhateverlybrothers. For a limited time only. Now their life is yours.
4. Go forth. Live inside their brain. Or just inside your own nice white clean space. Ahhhh. Refreshing. Go have an apple. You’ve earned it.
5. This offer expires at 11:20, Central Time. March 30th. Only a couple of people have taken us up on it and they would say it’s working out really well if they remembered anything in the least.

If you missed it, I’m sorry. Next year, we’re doing a thing where you can rewind back 3-7 years. Take your pick. You can get a jump on that if you get in line now.

not available in other time zones, sorry. samplers containing scented bath salts and back scrubbers are available instead but have been lost in the mail quite often.

-Department of Pranks and Tomfoolery.

Blogging at the Blogathon


1. So. I’m here at blogathonatx ( I can assure you, I did not literally Blog My Own Face Off. To provide you with too much information, as is my way – I have this weird Thing on my chin and I had to get my father, a Nice Physician, to meet me at his office and he tried to deal with it. So I was late.
2. Honestly, I don’t think providing this information to you is indicitave of Savvy Blogging. The truth is, I am not really a very savvy blogger. Nor do I have a clear cut mission in life. What I do have is a domain and a Vague Plan. At some point, I will get things together. This will happen some time over the rest of the month.
3. How is this different than the rest of the times I have said these Sorts of Things, you may ask? Well, this time, I have a little green feeling. A little green feeling is a little different from the other colors. It’s a center of the rainbow go. It’s proof of progress but an indicator that there’s a lot to do to make headway in the future. It’s light at the end of the tunnel but you can see the trees waving around outside a little more clearly in the sunlight.
4. Do you know what I am talking about? No, you probably don’t. We are at a party and you have excused yourself to get punch even though your glass is full. This is the type of blogathon that this is turning out to be for me. There’s a lot of stimuli in the room and it’s really tempting to write stream-of-consciousness like a confessional. This is something that I used to do WAAAY back in the OlDen Days.
5. Now that I have taken you into the dark, nonsensical tunnel that is my thought-process; you are probably going “huh?” Truthfully, I can’t explain why I am a LOT more disorganized than I have been before. All I can say is that I’m irked that I am further away from the goals I wanted to be closer to; and I have found myself unable to give myself credit for a lot of the milestones I’ve hit. I think I need to do that. Being a Surly Individual is not going to help me find jumper cables for the spaceship – or stop writing extrodinarily bad metaphors … or learn to spell…or looking at people walking by my table with inviting expressions rather than with @suspiciousden in my eyes like they have tried to sell my spleen to circus performers.
6. So, at my dad’s clinic, my father asked me if there had been stink bugs. “Why?” I asked him. Because they hover around your face and put their P R O B I S C U I T S (not how the word is spelled) in it. these are called kissing bugs. There’s more information, like a doctor with a weird name and stuff. I’m going to dinner with him on Tuesday and we’re going to talk about bacteria and vile parasites of the face over a nice meal and then I will know terminology and stuff. I said “can I put you in my blog!?” thinking *people really need to know about this stuff!* and it’s true. I bet if you are reading this, you really want to know about what a lurking stinkbug can do to your face. So let my mistakes be a lesson to YOU.
7. Actually, we just moved. So yet again, I think it’s just hormones. I’m going to the Dude-You-Don’t-Wanna-Hear-About-It-Doctor on Tuesday as well, so I-May-Say-Something-General-And-Seemly about my Well Being, if you like.

This is the worst blog in a while, y’all. Fitting, as I’m having lunch at Blogathon. Flarg.

8 is Enough

Nur Ein results are up. I lost. None of this – ‘there were five winners’ crap. There were four dudes who knew what they were doing and one clueless little thing who had a good guest round. People said I made rhythm mistakes in my work; and instead of defending my work I got all unsure, assumed I was wrong and didn’t even bother to check and think I might be right, or that I might have been going for a flavor of something. And if wrong, understandably so in the same sort of way others overshoot the mark in their ways when they apply an effect. Now there’s an odd taste in my mouth about the Trying of the New Thing.

By the time I thought to somewhat defend myself it was too late – ironically, I failed the tongue twister challenge. If 7 is a lucky number I deserved an 8. I’ll think too deeply on the math and raise you. Right on its side is the number of infinity.

Will I do Nur Ein next year? Probably. Will I win it? I think I’ve figured out I shall never win it! But I will continue to try.

This was not the Nur Ein of last year where I came out feeling awesome and like I’d nailed the dismounts but cracked my ankle a bit. This is one where I tried new interpretations of all my old tricks while everyone else strapped on cool-as-s4it electric guitars or iron-clad reputations and the panel looked into my messy dreamworld in disbelief and said “wtf is this craziness?!”

Xondor. Welcome to Xondor.

Someday I will write the stories and the characters and the planets and all the little silly things I have been writing about but really, honestly……..
…….my shit IS stories. It’s even been said.

“no one wants to read a novel.”

Not only did the losing thing happen, the whole Nur Ein itself was filled with uncomfortable underlying and embarrassing social challenges that made it difficult to do my work. Interpersonal problems. Weirdnesses. Connundrum. Crisis of conscious-type stuff. Pestilence. Deaths. Sick pets. Relationship problems. Family issues. Internet “stuff” that is upsetty (these things happen). Stuff you can’t complain about on the boards because it sounds like you’re making excuses for why your song blows.

I found the entire time I couldn’t communicate with people in the way I wanted. I couldn’t get my point across. I felt uncomfortable with the discussion in and around the conversation (what does that even mean??) It had that odd vibe around it that a kid has when the adults are arguing and it’s like “shhhhh…let the grown ups talk….” but you know something mean and shitty is going on. But all you can think to do is cry and say “but, but…this is DUMB! Why can’t everyone be nice?!” so you feel lame and keep quiet. And it’s good that you did. This is just how the adults talk to each other! You would have embarrassed yourself! (again). Things are all fine! (_yep)

Mostly all this is me hitting the apex of Things; the top of the pile Ive needed to scale in order to make hard decisions about how out-of-hand I let things get in both professional and personal life.

I’ll never be “ready” to “do it” if I’m not ready already.

That’s what my lucky numbers indicate. Signs point to now.

No, I’m not quitting. No, I’m not even quitting contests. I’m too old for musical methadone clinics. But I’m also too old to change, to force my fat butt into a rock and roll cheerleader uniform. And certainly too old to do such things on my own.

I am going to pause and give myself the silent moment of extreme credit for the massive amount of work and accomplishment I know I’ve done. I think I’ve stretched myself more in 2 years than is really believable. That doesn’t really get prized in any way. You prize your own self for that by getting up in the morning and not quitting a Thing.

And I think I’ve been a little bit brain-fuzzy in thinking. Yes I have thoughts for the new title. Amazing ones. But more importantly I’ve got some plans for some other stuff I’ve let go undone for way too long that I used to be up to all the time.

I never did talk about Blogathon, or do anything about it, did I?

{edit: I do have to say, and not just to be PC, if you go to hear this round…the songs are all excellent. I didn’t lose to anything mediocre.}


I am achieving MORE unrighteousness in the Words with Friends-friends game. I can only say I’m sorry, and offer these excuses, which are that they wouldn’t take these perfectly fine words which are good and great and are Spelt correctly. So don’t get out the rieth of legad and beat me with it. Flarg. 😛
(see THIS previous entry for context CLUEZ)

[not in alpha-bet-soup-ic-al order…]

a more dastardly sort of trowel

a sure footed and lithe water bird with a long, beak that gets into absolutely EVERYBODY’s business.

yet ANOTHER note to follow sol,

Xondor’s second moon. A Very Suspicious Place, indeed.

both the plural and singular form of the mysterious rock creatures of Zitth

a quorum of Quegad

yet ANOTHER drink with jam and bread.

the geological epoch in which bacterial life began to form

a strange substance best not discussed.

grandma abhors a vaceby.

the vein that runs across a well pumped gym member’s upper arm at a finer workout establishment

flower arrangements with spy-eyes.

The ruling body of the Eomen (who are clarvoiant magic users)

SEE “Legad”

a place of good spelling. See “The Rieth of Legad”

The stick that you hit people with who don’t spell real good.

an ear-creature. but it’s not really gross or anything. no really. it sounds worse than it is.

Legal trouble of the intergalactic sort.

a tuber similar to a potato, but purplish.

in conclusion, here is a photo of me getting all Nur Ein-y on everybody’s hiney. So LOOK OUT BELOW (i.e….where I am coming from!!!)


I am behind in words with friends. This is because I am compiling a Dictionary of Unfairness. This is being posted here, and was also posted on my page at Facebook. not on my “official Facebook page,” which is sort of a shame, or even on my blog Facebook page, which honestly I don’t really know why I have one. I feel like I should produce Original Content for that, but the thought of this makes my earlobes wobble.

It doesn’t. But you believed me for a second….

Anyway… I’m sorry if you have to read this twice. Except, on reflection, I’m not really; I went back and rewrote this introduction so you the reader would know that I do very much Care. Also, I think reading a dictionary will do you a heap of good. It’s time to learn, goblins.
(I called y’all goblins on spacehook too – if there’s any Y’all here…)

(not necessecelery in order, because it doesn’t “go” as well that way.)

similar to the tango

phase of moon

a forest of mean, mean trees with bad attitudes.

one of the smaller units of Xondorian currency

a tool similar to a hammer and a chisel

a tool often used in combination with the Thule.

a Courtship dance

a non-reactive, and indeed, tasty and nutritious chemical compound native to Xondor which tastes of butter and chocolate. It nonetheless becomes flammable when combined with the milk of Earthling cows.

A native Xondorian biped resembling a lavender colored ostrich with spindly legs and Rather Flat feet. With a long Slender neck like a giraffe and long floppy ears.

The plural form of Leethe

a small colorful bird about the size of a cherry that lives symbiotically on the lush fur of the Leeth.

How you bid farewell to a gambler who has won the Center Sweep. Never while either party’s back is turned.

a guild of clairvoyant magic sages and tellers of fortunes making their home in and around the Squirkesian wetlands in strange, difficult to find houses.

The proper term for a grouping of leethi
as in
… ‘a Mapol of Leethi migrating through the Great Hemoni during Second Triple Heisune is considered an auspicious sign by the Eomen.’

a light swear word, often used as a replacement for other more vulgar terms.

my husband says this is a carbohydrate attack. I think that’s a stretch

when something is really quite a stretch

a Baroque danse similar to the Sarabande, except that one can moonwalk to it.

the amused, yet mildly agitated apathy preceding feelings of truly affronted and pre-revolutionary Vigor and Zeal.

ps. I’m thinking of doing something with my notes, and perhaps even all these lists. we may discuss this, you (my adorking public) and I, (who am me (WHAT?!?)) on this here blogittyblogMCblogaDongaDingDong.