“of walking on the mines I laid …”

1. woke up on couch from a weird dream.
2. I was in a HUGE field full of tree stumps. They stretched out for eternity.
3. I was wearing a white dress and my new blue sneakers and my multicolored headband with the flowers. I had on my whole wedding ring but was wearing it on a ribbon around my neck. I kept checking to see if the other two pieces of it were there because I don’t wear them any more – just normally my engagement ring on my pointer finger. I had bug earrings like in the Wes Anderson movie Moonrise Kingdom (spoiler alert for links!).
4. I think I had blue in my hair.
5. I had an axe in my hand and I was chopping down a tree with it. It was the only tree left and it had glowing blue light in it.
6. The light around me was very yellow. Occasionally crows flew by.
7. Playing overhead, or in my head was that Sting song about building the city and the fortress (The video is so dated! What is he doing?! The song aged remarkably well).
8. I woke up really slowly but felt really *weird* and Off. Like there is a great deal of work to be done.
9. Without hesitation, I deleted about 80 documents I’ve had lying around, thinking I was going to use them.
10. I’ve also felt more solitary than usual lately. This is a bit worrying seeing as I’m a fairly lone-ish sort anyhow.

Maybe I spring clean in the fall.

I’m real happy there was a chill over the weekend. It was perfect.

The Long Awaited…Jim of Seattle

I’d like to talk to you today about a friend of mine whose CD I’m just getting to know. I spacebooked and tweeted about it about a week ago (or more), and I shall probably mention it again (for sure). In addition to this, my pal Tom Giarrosso passed it along on HIS spacebook so that’s a good example of how passing the love along is meant to work. Let that be a lesson to us all, gremlins.

Now … This particular project is the first, brand new release from a musician I know from Song Fight! called Jim of Seattle. You should go look into this, because Jim is an exceptional musician who has created an amazing piece of Art. He is not the only “Jim” in Seattle, but as far as I am concerned after just an inital perusal of this material so I could get started enough to write a bit to you so you could go quickly and get this recording – he might as well be!

Jim is not new to the music industry, as you will no doubt figure out. This is the caliber of work I’d like to feel under my wings when I make a release and finally say “BOOM! Look at this! I have made sticky sound that will last for generations!” So not only is this thing just plain charming and important – Jim is a musician’s musician.

For Jim this has been a real journey. You’ll grok that if you read the interview between Jim of Seattle and Green Monkey Records President Tom Dyer (you can also see a fun photo there of Jim with a bike and a pigeon, and other nifty photos of Jim doing cool stuff. I rather enjoyed these because I like seeing pictures of people that I know from the internet even though I know they do not look like their avatars! Also if you read my blog you know that I am creepy and will fully and curiously photo stalk to see who I’m talking to :)).

Anyway, yes, there’s a special kind of energy hearing a recording from someone who has taken the time to reveal their vision to the world with such deliberate intent after a lifelong trip through many other musical avenues. So this recording IS pretty intense. And it HAS been a long time coming.

You can preview the recording at CD Baby (linked up there too, by that iTunes link); and there is a small sample of it on the Green Monkey Records website where you can hear three tracks in entirety –

{EDIT/1-19-2012: You can hear more than THREE tracks, actually. I went back and checked after my original posting of this blog and saw it! On the player there is a small dragbar to the far right of those first three tracks (like one on a browser). Scroll down with it. Voila! There are several more songs and you can actually hear them all!} –

-one of which is the track that is also featured in the video ‘Laboratory Rat.’

The video is creepy and slightly horrifying (in a compelling and thought-provoking fashion), but … it’s … CUTE …somehow… Because there are drawings of all these “oooOOOOOooo” things (he made the video with Bill Lieren). Icky scary creepy CUTE drawings. And that’s all I’m going to say. No more spoilers. 🙂

From what I can tell in initial passes through Jim’s work – there’s a presence of intriguing juxtapositions. Little sonic ironies and pointed statements amidst moments of endearing delight. Really, I would say the listener is very musically well taken care of – Jim does know how to make you a spectator in a performance space. He has the background for this. But you have to hear it for yourself to really FEEL the Whole Thing, because he is just not Like anyone else, even if they are skilled at arranging pop songs into lush arrangements. He is different because HE is different. This doesn’t sound like orchestral showboating, this sounds like a lot of FUN.

I think this is why I like Jim, and why I was so pleased to encounter him at Song Fight in the first place and so happy every time he showed approval of anything I did in MY work. It’s because I GET that feeling of having a broad range of styles and of having just a LOT to say. Really, this should be appealing to most people as creators OR listeners or both … because at your CD collections they are just that – collections. Why would there not be a range of style and feel within one artist? The best sound-stories have an Album’s Entirety in mind, even if they are conceptual and able to be interpreted by the listener. I still feel I need more time alone with this recording from start to uninterrupted finish (mainly because I still do need to finish and hear All of The Bits). But I bet it stacks up through both skimming and deeper sonic inquiry.

Hearing developing cohesive complexity in someone’s work like this gives me hope that perhaps a thing like this is an accomplish-able goal! It’s exciting. It makes me realize that I can grow A Representative sound myself, over time, even if it is Range-y. There need to be more recordings like this, and I think this every time I hear something Quirky and Fun, and Beautiful.

On a personal note, there’s some titles here that I am happy to have heard before while participating in the Song Fight! contest – and I am inspired to see them more fully developed. This makes me want to hear more realized recordings of SF titles from others. But this recording is pretty special and I’ve been waiting for it 🙂

DEFINITELY check this out for yourself. Also, the first 100 copies will be signed. Order now! 🙂


(this is a first in a series of Promontion-ary “Reviews-that-are-Gushy.” most of them horribly late. i am fortunate to have a few Talented Friends whose work I have really enjoyed, so it has been a time of Great Creativity.)

Who Said I’m Dead

I wrote a songfight song once to a title called ‘Who Said I’m Dead.’ There’s a video that I perform in my living room..about a year ago.

I wrote this song about a…I don’t want to call her a frenemy. But she wasn’t MY enemy. To say we were enemies is giving too much credit. We’d never even been Facebook friends ever, is how far back this goes.

My point of this is not to dwell, but to look back. When we have someone who hates us, or who is Jealous of us…this does not have to be a sharp blow to the heart. We don’t have to fix it even. We can learn from it. It can serve us.

This person, I found out, said something about me that got my back up. I should have looked a little further into it.

Because it was true.

It wasn’t true for the reasons SHE thought, but for more fundamental, core reasons that were important to me.

A claim had been made that, in a nutshell, I was just replacing the Old Things in my life with my new choices. I was incapable of real change, real growth. I could only try to copy the life denied me by her rules excluding me from their world – copy it poorly by using new people to replace my old.

This did turn out to be true. I even had warning signs in my new life that things were going in the same direction. Choices that smelled like old mistakes I was making. Old behaviors toward me that smacked of narcissism and self absorption. Little voices popping up and saying “are you really going to do THAT?!? Isn’t THAT just like THIS?!?” and looking at aftermath and wrap-up of the situation and how dead on identical it is to other situations after-the-fact.

And I so hate being the I-told-you-so-er. But I SO always am!!

The funny thing about all this is that even after I “move on,” I don’t burn a bridge. I keep a door open. I think the best of people.

And it’s so funny, because I am reminded, sometimes very inconveniently, that people come in pods. And that unfortunately, they come out of their pods only when they feel you are worth their time and attention.

I got this hammered home to me that I’ve been forgotten, not paid attention to by some near and dear to me, and it’s hard. One of my favorite lines I’ve ever written is “when you leave a room with me in it / you turn out the light.” I think I’ve talked about this before.

I was glad I worked on my Nur Ein instead of going to my 20th reunion.

In the future, I hope I’ll be preoccupied, naturally, when I’m “supposed” to have been waiting with baited breath for others who didn’t have time for me before to suddenly need me to be part of their set of numbers. And not even to be vindictive. Just because I’ve got a life.

It’s possible to be firm but classy, even in the face of bitter, inappropriate sarcasm – as though you did the pushing away in each growing-apart-relationship. And aren’t relationships more complicated? Don’t they require more truth, more honest-loving-scrutiny? Less shaming than is heaped upon the complicated ones we move through in these times…?

In my experience, people find it terribly exhausting to show the intimate best of themselves to more than a tiny handful of people for any good length of quality time – and think it’s okay to lob the cliff notes version around in our forward-it-on society. Intimacy is called upon when needs are had, appropriateness and boundaries are enforced when the time is over. Family is fluid. Blood is thicker than mayonaise unless we’re having jello shots.

I’m just riffing here…

I guess I do let it get to me sometimes.

I like to have a pie made for me. Not store bought. I can tell the difference. I want to open the letter. I want to hold the fabric of it, eat the cupcake, remember what it tasted like, turn those pages in my hands.

I’m just more tactile I guess. Only an investment in a friendship for me, thanks 🙂 I like my love undiluted, and off the microscope slide.

“Must be Nice” or … ‘First World Problems’

I went out on a sudden and unexpected date with my husband because we needed to talk. Upon my return, I started thinking of Valentine’s Day, and remembered a post half written. I finished it and dolled it up tonight. It was a promise to a friend.

I have a lot of those I need to come through on in the next couple months.


It’s a common thing you hear from bitter folks who either don’t want to spend money on Feb 13th, overworked waitspersons getting lousy tips because of the high incidence of restaurant drama, or other single people who look at you as if you are the one who instigated their last eight breakups with your fourth finger poison ring.

“Valentines Day is a day made up by a greeting card company to sell schmoopy stuff to the lovelorn” … or whatever. “The Hallmark Greeting Card company made it up …”

Stuff like that.

My husband and I don’t celebrate it. We had one picnic, one time, packed a little hamper and a bottle of Verve Clicquot and cheeses and stuff you’d get when you were in Napa when you go to that little grocer with the Rabbit on the sign before you drive out. We were very Upper Middle Class Countryside. We looked like we were doing a holiday the RIGHT way. I had done the correct prep as a wife; like something out of Real Simple magazine. I ROCKED. I was Beyond Reproach. Be very jealous, the string quartet reminded everyone.

Back in the real world, I had done what is known as “marrying well.” I married for love, but he liked computers (and me). The WHOLE WORLD likes computers though, and people who know stuff about computers get paid. Meanwhile, in Austin, you can’t throw a rock without hitting a songwriter, and even though I have heaps of theoretically marketable skills – I market myself about like this:

“hey, see this booger? it’s gonna play a show tonight. it doesn’t really feel like singing, but you’d be real surprised at the work it’s done lately. plus.. it’s a singing BOOGER. That’s got to count for something, right? I mean.. no one wants to LOOK at a booger… ” {trails off apologetically}

So it’s a good thing that I have a husband (you know, for the Marketable Skills – plus, his accent, although dwindling, amuses me), but other musicians in Austin are not so lucky and must do things like sling coffee, or secretarial skills, or their boobs, or computer skills (sling ’em if you’ve got em!) around.

I used to sling cigars, but that got to be complex for many reasons. Also husband enjoys cigars and having his wife sell them to him in his place of leisure is sorta lame. It rocked though. As much as jobs that aren’t me writing or playing music do and can.

Because the people were interesting, and I have no interest in staying at home, waiting for the next Hallmark Holliday to roll around so I can get my kiss from K.

Anyway, back to hallmark.

My marriage is good, and fun, and has lots of Perks that are not just about being able to not toss and turn wondering where the next two squares of ramen are coming from. But there are things that are not so much fun. We have to deal with:
1. I get sick a lot
2. being very private people and the joys and sometimes scrutinies this brings/has brought to our relationships
3. the inequity of having a marriage where one person feels completely and totally financially superfluous- because it’s true
4. hearing THAT PHRASE

“ooooooo … must be nice…”

The phrase “must be nice” could actually be collectively applied to everyone who lives here – from shore to shore. Actually, I’m not even really sure if that’s true. If you are currently reading this and you have a knife at your throat and are being raped… first of all, what the hell? Why are you reading my blog at a time like this? I never knew I had such a dedicated reader! I REALLY DO need to stop all this bitching! Is there anything I can do to help YOU!?

So it’s all relative, really, to the people in the other countries I forgot to mention because I was distracted by my hypothetical almost-maybe-rape-victim-reader who I don’t know how to help because I am too busy complaining about my problems. (that was horrible. but you get my point here… apologies for my bluntness.
I’m having First World Problems.)

Now. Comparing.

We have a RIGHT to complain about our problems. I’m sorry, but we do. Anytime we feel bad or scared or cold or depressed – I’m sorry folks, but that’s real.

We used to attend a church and we went and did some missonary work. For three months our lives became completely simplified (so we thought, that is another story). We had only what we carried with us in backpacks. We started to leave STUFF behind and give things away. There was very little bathing and eating dwindled down to a thing you did to get energy. Good yummy tastes were really poignant. A blessing.

This was before 9/11, so no one was looking at Americans with open hostility. I felt, loved. Cherished. My sister-in-law and a close guy friend of mine went to Egypt while my husband and another guy went to Jordan and while we were there in a weird part of town .. I felt something. I felt this curiosity. From one person.

I did not discuss this with anyone. There was a language barrier. But I felt as though there was this KNOWING that our lives were very complicated. That we had a bunch of CRAP to sort through. That where life was simpler, life could be lived more simply. And I don’t know much, but I know that things are CERTAINLY not that way in America.

I am not going to go into that thing where I start in on us and get on my soapbox about our pills and our therapists. I think every society should have access to medical care and doctors and professionals.

WARNING: This is rated PG-13 to R for language, but is a FANTASTIC video… and has a GREAT message.

Back to the concept though. Of these “First World Problems”

No. Life is not always nice. My week has not been fine. My LIFE has not been fine. It’s been circumstantially blessed though. And this I know. I have lost quite a bit in the last year or two, and a whole lot in the last four years – but many people go through these hits, it’s part of life. Humans the world over grieve. My cousin works in the medical field and she was talking about some of the devastating things that she sees. Yes. This did inspire me to be better.

But dying women think of chocolate and coffee. And dying men talk about loves lost and found. And all you can do is connect with people and be on the same side.

A good friend of mine that I respect and for all practical purposes, it’s look like I’ve blown him off for other things – wrote a song. He’s written several amazing songs. But this is one of my top two favorites. It’s actually CALLED ‘First World Problems.’

I owe him a Watermelon Video. I haven’t forgotten. That’s not a first world problem, but it’s a first world solution.

That, and some lists, and a better attitude and a good honest assessment of my real human problems – with some time to grieve them as I do my work and shy from wallowing; is a start.

Thanks Travis.

“don’t mean to sound ungrateful
Everyone will need to forgive me
But do we ever stop merely surviving
And actually start living…

Start living.”

-from ‘First World Problems’ Governing Dynamics

(the cartoon is from Gary Larsen’s ‘Far Side’ comic series; and was copied from a blog. It is most likely NOT in the public domain, so I encourage you to go to your bookstore or amazon or someplace like that and buy as many books by this artist as you possibly can because he is a genius.)

Drama Free and Lucky Charms

For me, the idea of “drama free” began in a poem which I wrote back in 2006. I discarded it because I grew out of the reasons for writing it.

Later on it came back up and combined with a new reason for writing it. It became a song then, about leaving and coming into my own. It was about something I went through religiously.

I may someday make a ‘story of a song’ over it. I feel like Graham gets it, because he covered it. I feel like Joe gets it, because he is talking about it and remembering it, and it sticks in his mind as something that belonged to me. I feel sometimes like other people get me. Oftentimes, I feel like people … don’t.

EX: raise your hand if you knew that I had never heard of Sue Storm until AFTER the Round One listening party?

This means I should write a Round One story of a song, and I probably will. There’s some golden eggs in there – some intended specifically for Travis Langworthy, but it’s a little silly joke that I was telling. It’s also a very STUPID joke and a pretentious joke that is very much MY sense of humor!!!

Anyway, some people get my little “off” sense of humor and what I’m trying to do. And it’s nice to have any audience among my peers. some people that know that I’m always trying to do something transformative which is about what the lyrics are attempting to reveal about me. And that I’m trying to do it in this particular way. And that when I listen to people too much and try to change what I’m doing into what they think I should be, that it will never work for me.

I can’t really sacrifice what I have to say for audience, for money … for anything. I’m just going to have to find another way.

As a songwriter, I am a diarist. I can only write what I know. I only know – me.

Part of me has learned from these competitions that I’m not really cut out for them. I’m not like Edric, who writes a song that he is told to write, and does it brilliantly. I go through painful transformative cataclysms until it is done. I am not the master of the song, it is the master of me. I invited who I THOUGHT the judges were into the bedroom this time, and then hit on them in a tawdry and clumsy way … then I got REJECTED. Like in an embarassing way. Like I staged this whole cheezy scene. Thinking I was all… beautiful or something and … well … shoulda known better.

It’s a horrible metaphor and doesn’t really fit. But I feel dirty and gross. Nothing worse that raping your own self. That’s just dumb. And I realize that for a piece of something awful, my tune is actually pretty skilled, compared to a lot of things. But this is why everyone is always feeling very sorry for Brittney Spears. She’s not a bad performer, but she keeps shaving her head and gaining and losing weight and flashing her yow-yow every which way.

So my tune was an abberation in a lot of ways. Albiet classier. It’s hard for me to embarass myself. It’s something slutty that I did. And I think that I hate it. I’m ashamed of it. I’m glad that it put me out. Just like I’m glad that my first song in Song Fu six, ‘Rain’ did enough damage to my total score to knock me out of a shot into the Final Round. Because in THAT case, I listened to what someone else told me to do. They told me that my instincts weren’t good enough – and that I had to start all over and please someone else.

I know that I’ll be told that I’m being too hard on myself. I don’t care. This is all just rehearsal for me. I’m doing this now so that I won’t have to do it more painfully later. I don’t think for a second this is it for me. I’ve been saying this since I was 16.

Anyway, with these thoughts, I’ll show you the poem I wrote so long ago. It’s called Lucky Charm


I said I love you and you said it back
You’re the only one
who’d complicate
so simple a clean fact

You’re my lucky charm
pulled from the lion’s mouth
with tiny little hands
You made me look so obvious
infants could understand
You were the one who babysat
me through the evening

So now you’ll stay
alone with you
Because I have to
Leave in company with me
the only way you’ll be okay is
Drama free and naturally
you’ll rue the day

And I don’t know
what on earth we’d do
In this flimsy house of cards
without you!


I did like the phrase enough to use ‘drama free’ for a hook later in a song.

I don’t know that you can copyright a phrase for a hook. I’m not popular enough to really be remembered enough for doing something cool or clever. But I was at least memorable enough to get covered, and brought up in the memory of a judge when a really cool phrase which I also discovered long ago once got brought up once again.

I wonder if anyone else has also discovered it.


List of toolatebrainvoodoovoidlessness

1. The unmistake-able smell of cat poo has wafted around to where I am. I’m hoping it’s just decoy smell from rain. Nope … there it is again. I’m blaming Domina again. It’s roachy out here and I’m feeling surly and like I don’t like the outdoors anymore. She just woke up again. Yeah. I’m talking to YOU …

2. I typed the word ‘again’ too many times in the previous number, but I’m not going to apologize for it. Perhaps the word ‘again’ was not represented enough today, and it needed a little more love, or something. Hell, I don’t know. I don’t make the rules! Who knows these things?!

3. I’m tired of Twitter. I can’t keep up with it. I’ve lost the will to Twlive (that sounded a lot cooler in my head than it did written out).

3. Sometimes I do other lists too. I did one at the place where all the TMA folks ran off to.

4. I really need a vacation. Like a longlong one. For a few weeks. Alone. Like on a pond. With a book. And a pen. And earphones. And typing. And like slippers or something. I’m not sure from what. I think from cockroaches and mosquitos, perhaps. I dunno. I think I’m afraid of the summer. Who’s EVER heard of someone taking a summer vacation from the SUMMER??? I’m such a weirdo.

5. I need to try to quit saying things like “like” and “totally,” but I fear that since the 80s it is too late for me and I really don’t care besides and also I have pink hair so really what’s the point anyhow.

6. I made a video for Joe’s birthday. Travis put it up on Spintown as well 🙂

I’m making another one too from my Nur Ein contest which I hope to finish tomorrow but we’ll see because I’m in the middle of a bunch of other stuff and some of which is overdue, much like the ending and the punctuation on this sentence. I’ve actually got a LOT of different ideas up my sleeve 🙂

7. I really wish that my stupid cat would deal with a roach when one crawls RIGHT UP in front of her face, rather than just sitting there like it’s okay. It’s NOT OKAY!!!!

8. I’m back to that place where I’m avoiding my co-contestants even though I have promised one of them at least to swap material because I am superstitious that my world will crack into tiny pieces if we hear one another’s material. I think this might have something to do with the weird-ness of the Joe factor and how that has fit into the contest-related-stuff. I’m trying to remember Fu’s Four and Five, and Nur Ein, but then again … in Fu Four and Five I was RELIGIOUS about not letting anyone hear anything. And in Nur Ein Joe heard everything up until he got sick and then gone (which was the first two rounds). Now, he can’t hear anything because he’s judging.

So I meticulously choose humans to show my material to.

9. The mosquitoes are obsessed with me. They want to buck my slood.

Anyway … deviation number 9. There’s a short list of people I’ll prolly get all needy on and stalk Who Are Probably Sick of Me. Of course, today I just …

… CRACKED up and became this wall of nervous agorophobia that didn’t want to be around ANYONE or talk to ANYTHING. I’ve turned into this weird blue vase. I can’t explain it. You know those blue vases? All that glassware made of very dark blue glass that you can’t see through and when it drops and breaks it’s very shiny and very sharp.

This metaphor makes no sense. I am a crazy person. I had a conversation with my husband in a parking lot today and I literally COULD NOT make myself understood. I can feel myself moving into a place where things are not working for me cerebrally. I hope I can make it to next week, I really do.

10. Speaking of crazy … Look what Caleb Hines posted to Twitter. It was Taco-centric, so natch he thought of moi. *sigh* … MY peeps 🙂 🙂 🙂

Okay. I should go to sleep now …


tags are out of control, so I’m not even dealing with those until later in life …

oh yeah … my hair’s pink (in case I didn’t (LIKE (*TOTALLY*)!) mention it in #5),  so…

ps. I’m hot 🙂

pps. I told Jules (who is scandalized!) that it was purple, but Michi said it would fade pink-y-er this time because it has more of a cherry base 🙂


I am going to try to get more in touch with “The Austin Thing.”

That is what I call it. Randall talks about things that are going on all the time, as though I would just know them.

I do not, because I am a hermit. I am Out of The Loop. I do not think he realizes how much I rely on him for connectivity. I’m sure he would be fine with it though. He’s good like that. He likes to be helpful. I suppose this is why he is a good engineer. At his best, I think he is a scary engineer. This is why I need to be home-centric now. He’s probably the reason I got things done in SongFu, a couple of those close times. He’s EERILY talented.

I’m going to write about song contests though, and the “internet” thing (as I’ve also been calling it); soon, soon! Because I think that I’ve been doing the right thing with myself all along.

I don’t really know what “New Model Musician” means. Not totally. Not entirely. I could look it up in the dictionary or on the web. There’s already a label with the name, and DFTBA (the label whose forums are hosting the transplants from Too Much Awesome, the web community which my Song Fu co-competitors Mike Lombardo
(he’s got a CD out, folks… Kevin wants you to knowthis …)


and Jeff MacDougall (by the way, nice slogan! 😉 ..) founded on ning (ack!) – they absorbed the TMA community after ning went kinda “corporate.” There’s different facets to that story, but it’s nice that the people continue.

I really am glad of the Spintown blog, because right now, that’s the contest that is piquing my interest. For a while I was doing Nur Ein (I made it into 4 (which really means 5 because of Round Zero (which I blew on so don’t listen without listening to the rest of me!) rounds before I got sick … That doesn’t mean that I won’t do Songfight ever, which is where they were forum-ing about nur ein.

I have lots of ideas, of course.

For now I will finish my list. You know … at the other place. And then do some other stuff. Yeah. 🙂

Enigma Variations and Homework

I use music to think. I am quite selective. It’s picky for me. I usually think with very tune-ful things. I think this is because I am a songwriter. Either that or metal, which is also very tune-ful.

I have a bit of a short list. I would of course add an lp which I have of Claudio Arrau playing the Chopin piano concertos.

1. Barber’s Adagio for Strings.
2. Gould plays Beethoven piano concerto
3. Bach pieces make me think of Lord of the Rings and getting over stupid-boy-disappointment to a soundtrack of Brandenburg Concertos (to this day, *I* think of Hobbits and Elves and Orcs and Dwarves and think of the Flute/Harpsichord/Violin of five, with its epic Harpsichord part! And yes … the person who commented in the video is correct. It is an EPIC harpsichord solo. Getting to play it is on my bucket list, and I DO have the music for it and tool around with it every now and then).
4. Nimrod of course (Enigma Variations -below)
5. Albinoni of course, which I’ve probably used since I was about thirteen (this church in Plano, TEXAS has a really stellar recording and performance of this!).

I still don’t know how to explain myself. I’ve always tried, and it’s always gotten me into trouble. I’m even explaining myself less and less well and less and less efficiently with music these days. I’m becoming more and more entrenched in my own style and finding it harder and harder to deal with other people. I’m turning into a solo person and becoming more difficult to work with every day. I don’t know if this is aging, a hermit phase, or some kind of diseased mindset … or if I’m protecting myself from professional ACK-ness. Who knows these things?

I did write a poem, after listening to my 10-15 seconds a few times over and over … For those who are reading this and don’t know, read the blog entry where Jules talks about what I said to her over Twitter about what happens at around 50 seconds in the Elgar – Enigma Variations.

“12 seconds or so”

for you
this flower opens joyfully
(it’s perfuming all the rooms you see)
it always starts this way
each puzzle is a way to halt the disengage
I look around, out of my quivered center
I paint the world with fantasies
my silly notions… complicated schemes of love
and brilliant things envelop me
… society, kitchens, airplanes, picnics, forks, religion
all prevent these things from coming to reality …
my vision spins – then,
I collapse too quickly
rather than sighing naturally in closing with the sundown
I drag my grace behind me retrogressively
and make a classy exit
that I might roll alone again
inside my velvet cave

So … yeah … Jules always makes me think. A lotalot…..

Thinking is complex stuff. There really aren’t lots of words for that are there?