What Happens in Portland…

1. I’m back from a trip I took about a week and a half ago to Portland for this thing called SongFight! Live. I did my own tiny set for a mildly smily-but-challenging crowd. They were a bit more chatty than I’m used to, requiring me to bring out the emotional pyrotechnics and stage pizzaz. I’d give my performance a solid 6 out of 10.

2. Videos were made of this performance  and I put a couple of them on G+. You can find them then if you’re just DYING to see them. Otherwise, maybe I’ll post myself singing and playing music some other day.

3. I also sat in with someone and played Mysterious Organ, was in three-ish other bands on various instruments. and participated in the live fight wearing a green mask. There were glow sticks.


4. However, I probably caught Airline Hospitality Flu on the way up there. I did not know it at the time, and mistook the illness for a hellish evening of food poisoning that kicked off violent night shakes and sweating fever-chills with weird cold-y fatigue symptoms during the day. I felt gut wrenching guilt over other people’s (probably) unrelated colds, and obsession over germs I figured I’d certainly sprinkled willy-nilly over each shared meal. And I accidentally left a charming parasol behind in my hotel; although it had Random Chinese Characters on it. So in retrospect, perhaps I dodged a cultural insensitivity bullet.

5. All-in-all, it was a little hotelzo-hectic, and there were a few other really emo things that went down that are more diary-than-blog worthy. And they CERTAINLY, *CERTAINLY* aren’t social media worthy in my opinion. But there’s really no reason I should still be a wreck because there was lots of Nice. Yet I am still somehow moody and fragile and there’s also probably no Vitamin B left in my body–add to this the lunar landing modules are being trashed again by the Travelling Minstrels in Space and we all KNOW what THAT means …….

6. I’m going to BlogathonATX in September but I still need a ticket. I need to get geared up for this. I am also rather vigorously working on incidental and accompaniment music for a friend’s musical, and on my own Next Steps.

7. Anyway, this is my demeanor during and now after the trip. And I’m NOT in good driving mode anymore … off my game, so fellow Austinites are now trying to pick me off in this Automotive Darwinism thing we have going. Portland driving is very cerebral, motorists take the time to exchange meaningful eyerolls and fraught glances that could mean anything at all. And I wish I was used to the blind inconsiderate-ness of the driving back home yet, but I’m really angry still (I’ll tell my Highway Story later).

8. I don’t know how to act on social media anymore, that’s been utterly destroyed. I told a story on Twitter about a Thing that happened to me in Portland. EPIC saga of a man yelling at his companion … who then cleverly stole his keys while his back was turned! So I ended up being the person from out of town talking about people I don’t know behind their backs on the Internet. But I think I was just trying this ‘People of Wal-Mart’ style of “journalism” on to see if it worked. Why? Who cares? Does this have anything meaningful to do with my Portland experience? Maybe I am being too hard on myself and it was mildly clever entertainment. But did it do ANYTHING to edify or change my narrative? Should I have talked about what was REALLY going on?

What DID really happen in Portland and … in the last few years even, and why can’t I just DEAL? Why is this trip the mental situation, a Vest Factory come to a head? I played some music there. I had some interactions. I took a few photos. But, life is not a Wes Anderson film, and my head is not a pashmina to be wrapped around an elephant in the tastefully lit room.



9. I think it’s just going to take me a while to sort out my feelings.



But ultimately I can change and learn and adapt if I feel safe and can breathe. This is what I figured out.

10.   So I thought a lot in Portland and it turns out I’m not nearly as adept at subtlety or subtext as I thought I was. Nutshell–I know I didn’t fit in, but damn I over-tried. But it was Song Fight, so I ALWAYS try just a smidge too hard anyhow. And I’m usually overthinking what maybe probably isn’t an epic fail? Unless it was. Except it really wasn’t..? You know, or not. Hell, I don’t know. 



Day 2.1

1. I said I was going to blog every day. I didn’t. Maybe. I also forgot to eat black eyed peas on the 1st. We ate them on the 2nd in a delicious soup. Maybe I’m just a late person.

2. I still have the coughlings from my flu. It’s also raining. I feel like the character in that Dar Williams song ‘The Blessings,’ I think that’s what it’s called … where it’s raining and she has to move her stuff that night and it’s all dire in the first verse. I ran out of tissues too. Woe is me.

3. My hair itches and my left eye hurts. Clearly I’m a creature of grave pathos. Also the Traveling Minstrels are having their lovely tour through their lunar timeshare. Of course. Why wouldn’t they be? Woo hoo. I do have a gorgeous new toothbrush, but it’s a flu toothbrush so it’ll have to be gotten rid of.

4. I can’t write a poem today for you because I am too boring right now. My brain is a colander and there is just the spinach sitting there. I got nothing.
Here is a picture I took at the doctors long ago in 2014, before Christmas even. Ah…but we were all younger then…..
Here, feast your peepers on the good Old Days!:

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Quick Things including my Undone Halloween Pun Costume

1. I said to Titty Bingo on Twitter (they’re a band and everyone with a car or a guitar case has their sticker now. Except me. Why the hell don’t we have several of these? What kind of Austinites are we?!?! Must rectify this immediately.) … anyway, I said to them during Halloweek that I would post a description of my funny Halloween costume and then I forgot to do it. #fail

2. This week, my brother got married, I had two migraines that are not technically migraines, experienced insomnia, and then when I slept had weird audio dreams that intersected with Traveling Minstrels of LadyTown again, if you know what I mean (you do).

3. There’s lots of stuff about white man privilege going around on the web now and I don’t know how I feel about this. I think if we didn’t have discrimination and ugliness in the first place then we wouldn’t have to make sure that one of the kids didn’t get better presents than the other kids who got crappy ones or just didn’t get any at all. But maybe that’s a bad metaphor, because it’s true that people shouldn’t be buying tiny babies jeweled iPads. Or yachts. And I know that as long as there are things like Instagram accounts for the extremely wealthy that there is probably some kind of Classist Problem. I also know that my niece would enjoy a jeweled iPad. For about 7 seconds.

4. I have a new lipstick that is amazeballs, but it feels frivolous to be over-the-damndamn-moon about this.

5. Okay, back on Topic. So I was going to do this thing for Halloween. This is what I told the TittyBingovians I was going to write about.

PROCESS
-rent nun costume or steal one from convent.
-wear ribbons and medals and first place and best of show stuff on top of robes and habit.
-also be visibly carrying flask and/or bottles and other drinking paraphernalia.
—-this was all so I can go as

…..The Best Bar Nun. {ROUSING ROUND OF APPLAUSE}

…I still may do this. But now I have to wait until next year. Or at least until Girl Scout Cookie Season. So I can get my clerical discount (that’s not a real Thing).

6. that was a lot to read to get to the costume.

7. I do not have Apology Cookies for anyone reading this. It’s a blog.

Gnome more Mondays

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It’s getting summery. We skipped spring, I think.

I was going to not do a list, but I’m fooling no one.

Ah, April.

1. My Dropbox upload thingy on my iPhone is slow.
2. I clearly have nothing to blog about.
3. This week’s round one entry is approximately two-ish minutes and has already been judged too soft.
4. I think I might record next week’s on my iPhone because my DAW is betraying me with clicks, pops, unexplainable and unwarranted latency issues, and empty promises.
5. I’m starting to think “what’s it all for?” I blame Moon Stations. Which is not what I really mean but is a clever euphoniumism.

Pit

oh good gravy………..

1. well it is just a HIDEOUS day. There is really no point in trying to pretend anymore that the delicate house of cards hasn’t fallen apart and that my life isn’t based on hedonism and lies. /drama
2. The Travelling Minstrels of Death and Despair are back in Hotel Luna creating Havoc and I have a HUGE-O list of REAL things to do. I cannot cry over spilled silliness, such as the fact that I am getting old and shall most likely never be in a touring rock band or live by the sea. Instead of weeping or eating banana pudding ice cream and Nutella and magic shell, I should probably practice.
3. I did actually practice. I sound bad ass. Also I’m going to blog another poem today WITH a cool photo in G+ so the Minstrels messing up my girl groove can heartily suck bad eggo.
4. Hedonism. I’m addicted to lots of things that are bad for me and my skin and have made me large and bloated and gurgly and oily and pock-marked. I am sexy like elderly oh-possum. Yep. Work it. No, no photographs please.
5. I’m meant to be out in public amongst humans soon looking faintly nice. I fear for that possibility, that I will not do this well.
6. All I need is one disappointment right now to do me in, so I’m systematically and mercilessly cutting all unreliable and upsetting things permanently out of my life right now because I can’t deal. I feel like I’m entitled to do this. I get to take lots of time to do as I like.
7. I had a really hard YEAR like I’m having a hard day today. This is one of those situations where you isolate because you don’t want to get into your problems but you REALLY shouldn’t isolate. So I’m saying I’m not okay, which is scary. I’ve been through crazytown.

But I’m going to be okay. I asked for help, and sometimes that’s all you need to do. You need to figure out when to crawl out of your pit.

Nur Ein Whine

Am having TERRIBLE week. Miraculously made it into round 2 of Nur Ein. How do I reward my mostly-Quite-high-percentage-of-brethren-and-Unspoken-dude-code-respecting-women-friends? By TALKING about the ICKY stuff. Yep. I whined. This is because:
1. “iiiiiitttsssss HOTTTTTTT” (eh, eh, eeh, EHH…)
2. “I’m TIRRRRRRED…..”
3. “I’m mooooooooooodyyyyyy”
4. I have CRAAAAAMPSSSS
5. I can’t tag my MP3 and its a CONSPIRACY!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. My kitty is sick (this is a legitimate concern, not a euphemism. He’s fine and lives in the house now.).
7. This is not a vagina monoblog.

Already having promised to write music that is more accessible, I cannot make recompense and write a song about Thor.

More later. Aren’t you thrilled?!?

********

-am waiting in line for a movie. Talking via interwebz to fellow contestant. He says there is some rule against discussing lady topics on the El Forums. Great. I guess I just got tired of suffering in silence while my household and family rolls their eyes and I compete with guitar crushing mass producers of unfailing consistency. Me and my glockenspiels and excessive reverbs.

At a free screening of a Judy Dench movie. So I’m going out in a blaze of feminine glory if they decide to eject me for a Gal Foul.

Unrelatedly, I just found out, in public, that it is pronounced “Tusk-KEE-gee” and not “TUSK, kuh-gee.” I feel as though I have been lied to my whole life. Meanwhile my friend I eat sushi with Teri calmly eats cheese and makes cracks. Brilliant

a blog i should have not posted.

1. I dropped my cookie in my coffee and it disintegrated.
2. I want a piece of cake and mexican coke for lunch, and probably vodka and ciggies too; but these are not healthy choices and will not improve my range or my carriage and demeanor. I think the Lunar Army are probably making Preemptive Strikes, because my moods are variable and Inconsistent. If you don’t like to hear about this, get off my blog.
3. that was squirchy, wasn’t it. Nothing I say is coming out right today. I sound like a bad transmission.
4. I’m behind on my work.
5. I’ll just get my things and go …. :/

whinywhinybaby

well folks it is time to cheerfully admit moral defeat again in the form of a rousing list!!! Aren’t you ka-pleezed?! Cuz I’yam. And afterward, I’m gonna tag this tasty little strudel!* Just WATCH!**

1. The Happy-Go-Lucky traveling musicians of the Lunar Hotel Trashing Variety have once again darkened our door and there is really no use denying it.
2. I am afraid that I am the estrogen bomb of Songfight, the scourge of Twitter, the bane of blogging, the F#^€youPal Fairy of Facebook, the Ghoul of Google…. the lame list lingers…..
This week I have mostly been sullenly stabbing at my new, ironically pink-clad iPad(hay-that-rhymes-and-HEY-is-for-hor-SES!!!)
3. Once again I am an oily speckled creature one might better find desperately clinging in an ill-fitting suit to a junior high gymnasium wall; dotted and pasty face turned from the spinning disco ball- ears resolutly clamped shut to the strains of ‘Take My Breath Away…’
okay … I could have just said I’d developed a nasty goiter-looking thing and that I bet no one would dance with me today *either..* but who’s counting and who cares.
4. I’m not even going to get into the Other Epic Symptoms that were recorded by scientists because of their gut-wrenching severity.

Also, it will be a low of 40something tonight. FARENHEIT!! For a Texan this is quite Brisk! I shall not complain one iota!

My fingers are kinda cold tho and I could use some hot cocoa…. {sniffle}

*******************
*tag fail
**as IF. oooppps I SO am the Lying Princess of LIES!!!!

“A.A.”.. Queen of Cups

I got a bit sick off sweeties today. This is odd coming from the Queen of All that is Cupcake and Grand Celebrant of Jarritos. No matter, I am sure that the sugar-love will surge all the higher coming up soon, as our travelling musicians once again make their trek to the Renaissance Festival held in the Magical Forest.

(too graphic? no matter. try living here. i swear these are not literal metaphors.)

I have been waiting for an artistic breakthrough that is meant to help me organize my computer and my life and get started on stringing together my book and its scenes and the songs and all the things that are Not Well Meshing and nothing was really working.
I finally have it. The missing piece of the puzzle. I did an amazed dance when I made it up.

I should have known too. All it was was a character.
It’s weird too, because it was a character I made for a songfight song. I ended up not submitting the song. I want a little more time with her 🙂

Bored but Amused … :)

1. I am trying to learn the piano part to Cloud-Cuckoo-Land that I did at songfight a while back and Couch Kitty thinks that the birds are real. SILLY!
2. The kitties do not have blogs. Neither does Flappy. I have ALL kinds of alarms going off right now. It’s going to drive me bonkers. One of them is a duck. I can’t get rid of this duck which tells me to take my pills in the morning. Sadly, this goes with the song I am trying to learn and really truly DOES make me feel as though I am sortakinda living in a mental institution.
3. I am really proud of the song I just did for the sidefight over at songfight-already-linked. Sometimes they do sidefights over there. Mine’s good though and it’s called Shoot Through It. [later edit: fixed link, and may also edit vocal and levels, and call in some consultation on this one :)]
I might do a video for it but I think that is a real laugh and a half because here is the list of things I am DYING to have videos for:

-Vest Factory
-Bluebeard’s Lament (I’ve written this thing out)
-Beatrice Knifetongue (I’ve got this sucker all storyboarded in my head)
-Stranded
-To The End of the World (I’ve got this all plotted out too… unfortunately it’s about someplace I don’t know anything about so whaddayagonnado?!?) 🙂
-Invisible Girl (don’t QUITE have this thought out, but I have a couple really romantic shots in my mind all thought of. This would be pretty freaking cool)

That’s a lot of videos. Two Duality ones. Gosh.

Dude. I’m tired. Dang Musica- Stage-Performers-of-a-Medieval-Persuasion that come through here every few weeks to trash Hotel Luna. Grrrr.
{rest of paragraphage redacted. sheesh. because nobody wants to KNOW, do they really?}

4. Why oh why does coffee get so cold so quickly when it is stupid hot outside. Yes. I know that I am inside and so is my coffee. This is a rhetorical question. Fleh.

5. My timer went off telling me it’s time to get off the computer and practice. See you fine folks later.
6. Stay tuned for later this week when Den learns to TAG HER POSTS!!!!! {sharply indrawn BREATH}