casual update

Today I am going to post in this blog. It is not going to get overly cerebral. It is not going to get weird. I am not going to write an apology, or a long treatise on where I’ve been and why I have journeyed there. I’m not going into long metaphors about dental hygiene or my cats.

I actually don’t know what I’m going to say.

I used to know the purpose of blogging. It was like a public diary. Of course people wanted to know everything about me. I’m terribly interesting. Right? Of course. Now that we got that out of the way.

The problem was when the internet got mean and no one thinks other people are interesting anymore. It’s what my great (possibly great-great) aunt Mamie used to call “making the game schmeary.”

This is a situation of playing Uno and you keep getting all the skips and reverses and draw fours (none of the other wild cards where you can just peacefully change the color and move on). And the person to your right (where the direction of play is heading) keeps getting slammed by what they think are your dastardly dealings of death and pain. Draw 2. Draw 2 again. Oh. A Skip. Then someone else skips to you then you lay down a Wild Draw 4. You’ve said “uno” every time. In fact, one time you said it slow and they viciously said “UNO” at the same time but everyone at the table said “nooooooo,” that you got it in in time and now player-to-the-right is turning into a thunderous raincloud right before your eyes and the living room is about to be a category 5.

Scores are tallied. You’re only 3 rounds in and you were going to play 5. or six. But player on your right THROWS the cards into the air (you find the one of the missing Blue 4s two weeks later, chewed up by cats) and storms out and that’s the end of this metaphor. But did you MEAN to draw all those cards? Were you supposed to be NICE about it and just rack up the points so that they could win? Apparently so …….. apparently you’re supposed to let the wookie win or he tears your arms off.

This is not the way that things should work, and I said that I wasn’t going to do this but this is why I don’t write much internet anymore or post and why nobody can have nice things or coffee and pie in public. Unnnngh and flargh. You have all heard this before. “Go brush your teeth, Denise!”

Obviously the card throwers of the world are making the game schmeary and if you hold your breath and kick and scream in the cereal aisle because mommy won’t buy you Count Chocula then you are a SPOILT BRAT, right? This should happen across the board RIGHT? RIGHT??!?!

Does it happen? No. Some people can just have and do whatever they want. Some people can just WALTZ down fifth avenue and…

no. I wasn’t going to do that. Who cares? Who listens? Does this even HELP. So no. Not from me …

NOT TODAY! (throws improv dagger)

I will talk about improv tomorrow. I will talk more about myself, soon. Because I will come back here tomorrow (or soon) and write here in this blog some more (or soon).

#Noonebelieves.

Advertisements
casual update

a blog about nothing.

guitar2
1. I was going to write a Facebook note, but decided against it. Remember notes? Notes were cool. I liked notes. I was going to write one and I figured if my Friends got to the bottom of the note, then they will have read the whole thing. I supposed if they got through it without complaining of boredom, then I’d keep writing them. Or maybe I wouldn’t. Who knows.
2. That’s a photo of me in my 20s playing the guitar. Yesterday, it was my birthday. I’m 43 now. Then just right there below is a photo of me now. Pretty freaky!
 img_7011-2
3. I think perhaps I’m tired or something. I’ve really been dragging lately. I’ve decided to try these goofy new supplements. I’m not going to discuss them with the internet, but we’ll see how they go. I put a LOT of work into researching them and they go really well with all my medicine that I am not admitting to taking or saying that I don’t take either. In fact, this paragraph didn’t even happen. I don’t even exist. Just move on to the next thing.
4. I once described this as the Seinfeld of blogs. When I did this, my husband sent me this link which went into vast details about post-modern thought in comedy and how things had evolved. I was not amused and felt like I was being told that my sense of humor was an asshole and that people ten years younger or so than me were a kinder, more intellectual and evolved species of human. This irked me and made me think that I was being told I was some kind of artistic orangutan. I think that my reticence to make everything I write into some kind of a morality play because I don’t WANT to be that ethically superior person dates me. Or maybe it doesn’t.
5. I have a headache.
6. I’m not making excuses.
7. I need a newer computer. Or maybe I just THINK I do. Maybe I can wait. I haven’t decided yet. I think we just THINK we need new things. Maybe it’s a disease.
8. I don’t understand a lot of what has happened in 2016. But I accidentally wrote a book of pretty substantial essays. I don’t want to talk much more about it for fear that I will jinx it though.
9. Why do I want a smart watch? Why? I know I don’t need one. Next I’ll want a chip in my brain, or a flying car. Sigh …..
10. I had coffee too late in the day again. Also, I think my older notes were more intellectual. But I could be wrong about that.
11.There’s no rule saying that items must make sense or that I have to stop at ten.
12. I haven’t turned on chat in any of my apps in thousands of years. I don’t want people to get a hold of me. It seems like going voluntarily to the dentist.
13.You can’t stop at 13. It’s bad luck. I have a house ghost. There’s protocols to follow.
14. I’ve been sneezing a lot today. Maybe this is what my headache is. Or maybe it’s something more dastardly.
15. I still like capitalizing nouns sometimes, and there’s nothing anyone can do about my need to do this precious habit-Thing.
a blog about nothing.

Day 3. And Third Boring Post Title

Greetings, bloglings. It is yet another day of this blogging again and I have no food picture for you. I’m sure you are all so saddened by this. Also I have no poem. Double tragedy. Also I have no brain to-day. And sarcasm is no substitute for content, and I realize this.

It is, however, important to show up, take a somewhat graceful bow, and state your intent that you’re there–you’ve showed up to *try* …

Today all I have is coughing and tiredness. It’ll be different in a couple of days. No one likes a surly blog post.

I have a lot to do so I need to stop being sick. Vitamins are our friends. I’m actually not in a bad mood. There’s just a substantial amount of drool and yawning.

This is sooooooooooooo boring. I feel like a noodle that sticks to nothing. Sorry guys. I’ll dance properly later.

Day 3. And Third Boring Post Title

Part 2 (actually, I did)

Dear Readers,
I am in the middle of writing a blog post about something or other. I wasn’t done with it. WordPress posted it anyway for about five minutes and 1.7 people might have seen it from Twitter or wherever because I’m on my iPad. Sorry about that. What a great start to our year. Perhaps no one is reading this. Perhaps I should go to sleep. These are the kinds of problems that I had long ago, when the diplodoci roamed the internet. I’ve been on here too long for this silliness.
Ack,
me

ps. tomorrow I will take a photo of something. maybe food.

pps. I will also maybe include a poem because a lot of you started following for that and I feel like I am falsely advertising here with my whining about how I do not blog flah flah wah excuse excuse-itty-poo rather than just write-writing away. Perhaps I will write a nice poem about blogging for an audience, like a circus pony. I am not trying to be sarcastic. I think I have a disease right now where everything I say sounds sarcastic, like Sarcasmiosis (which was not a very creative name for that) or maybe we will call it Splarvus Syndrome, for when you are afflicted with the sarcazzies. Anyway, I’ve started blogging another blog right here now during this edit–which I resolved not to do (even though that was Not one of my resolutions (not that I made any)).

Part 2 (actually, I did)

a cheerful list of nothing

1. three blogs in one day is a lot after nothing, but I am nothing if not In-consistent.

2. It will mostly be pictures of cute youngsters coming in the next few days. This will just have to Do. #awwwwwh.

3. I am feeling less complainy and need Tater Tots.

4. My hair is greasy. No, I did not put tater tots on it. It being a plural, meaning “my hairs.”

5. I should know better than to eat crap, but it seems that I cannot be stopped.

6. I brewed a pot of coffee and did not drink it this morning because my coffee pot is behaving suspiciously.

7. I’m going to try to blog more and have some Hilarious plans in the works. Also plans to promote my Hilarity, so things might start a’brewin.

8. I’m needed at the store. Sugary snacks need a’purchasin’. Yee-haw.

9. Are you allowed to Yarn and a’hanker several times in the same post?

10. ….wow. It’s time to feed my face.

a cheerful list of nothing

Overlord-in-Training

1. interesting discussion on Facebook about how the gentle manipulation of humans may be a positive thing…hmmm. I will get back to you on this.
2. I have two tasks to complete. Then there will be NO EXCUSE not to move on to the FINAL FRONTIERS of ROOM CLEANSING and COMPUTER DOMINATION…
3. my bathroom is atrocious. I’m seriously from a poisonous species. You do not want to know me. No. Get out. I am serious. It’s better this way……(cue sadViolins)
4. I’m thinking of avoiding the Internet but that actually feels ill-advised and irresponsible. Addictive Internet behavior and compulsive negativity does not mean one needs to quit blogging and withdraw one’s President-ence. I just need to go back to the practicing.
5. I have a thought that I might like to bake this weekend, so that Cake-like-Birthday-product may be had. Also Birthday boy (birthdays last a week!) will get to pick his dessert..
6. We are going on a barbecue trip tomorrow (Saturday). We’ll most likely make a video as well 🙂 we haven’t done that in forever. I know I keep saying that, but No! I mean it!, and it is True! …you mark my words … you mark my words …
7. I will now take a short pause to rub my hands together nefariously. I will take a photograph of myself doing so, ever mindful of the fact that on Twitter we are talking mildly about Narcisstic ReTweeting. When I am Queen, we shall retweet EVERYTHING I decree. Even my BLINKING shall be reTWEETABLE.
8. Calm down. OMG…I’m totally KIDDING. I have no idea what kind of mood I’m in …but NO…everytime I type something into Twit-deck, I do NOT require an advertisement for a magic iPhizzle. No THANK you, green-egg-icon-space-bot. Gettenzie-a-life!!!!!
Here is my Fetching Series of Photographs, oh People of the Screen….gaze and B A-Mazed.

(Really, I just end up laughing at my own stupidity at the end, as my Hatched Plan does not come to Fruition.)

[LATER EDIT…. did I spell “narcisscisstictytic wrong? Probobably. Oh whale. This is the way the detergent gets in our cherry soda. Flarg.]

Overlord-in-Training