1. Today is a hangnail.
2. I am not having a fantastic week already.
3. I do not want to blog or make one of my non-famous Un-viral videos. Or do anything else similarly exhausting at the moment.
4. I just want to get some work done and get through a list of simple, random tasks I do not feel like elaborating upon. Things that are baby steps that I am mildly excited about. Notions I might quietly entertain before they are crushed into the dirt by criticism, or examples of younger-cooler-already-better-thans, or absconded with and twisted up, or whatevered on.
4. I am terrified I will feel stressed out by something random, and will decide to hide under the bed forever.
5. I am tired of how fantastic and colorful everything is and totally get that I’m not Up to Par. I need some coffee.
6. I realize that I’m terribly lucky, and many people have it far worse than me, and I should never, ever complain.
7. My breath has been worse, but could improve.
8. Usually I’m not like this, but today I am. I blame the media, and the arrival of dire and depressing news in the form of monthly periodicals. I send letters to the editor in–to no avail.
1. I said I was going to blog every day. I didn’t. Maybe. I also forgot to eat black eyed peas on the 1st. We ate them on the 2nd in a delicious soup. Maybe I’m just a late person.
2. I still have the coughlings from my flu. It’s also raining. I feel like the character in that Dar Williams song ‘The Blessings,’ I think that’s what it’s called … where it’s raining and she has to move her stuff that night and it’s all dire in the first verse. I ran out of tissues too. Woe is me.
3. My hair itches and my left eye hurts. Clearly I’m a creature of grave pathos. Also the Traveling Minstrels are having their lovely tour through their lunar timeshare. Of course. Why wouldn’t they be? Woo hoo. I do have a gorgeous new toothbrush, but it’s a flu toothbrush so it’ll have to be gotten rid of.
4. I can’t write a poem today for you because I am too boring right now. My brain is a colander and there is just the spinach sitting there. I got nothing.
Here is a picture I took at the doctors long ago in 2014, before Christmas even. Ah…but we were all younger then…..
Here, feast your peepers on the good Old Days!:
1. My weight is fluctuating, and I feel like a gas planet. nobody needs this information, but you have it nonetheless.
2. I have leeks I need to cook. They will go in a soup with potatoes that (which?, who?, whom? potato? poTAH-toe?) could be more polite.
3. I’m still feeling bad about beginning the blog in this way. I feel bad about my lack of internet behavior. My life has been pretty awkward lately. But I feel like the internet and I are these old exes that are meeting at a fancy dress party. We have a fairly cordial relationship and have the same mutual friends so we really need to get along. There’s no reason to dislike one another either. But I really don’t like the way he’s been behaving lately and sometimes the way he (my ex, Internet McMashonnaheugh) conducts himself is pretty piss-poor. But all of my friends think he is the bees knees and their relationships with him are really important and they remind me of the great things he and I used to do together when we were good friends and they totally think I should forget the BS that is in the past and stop focusing on the negativity and my tendency to use really, really, really bad ex-boyfriend metaphors. So I’ll do that.
4. Dude I’m like so meta. Also, it’s really charming that I’m being all hipster-y and colloquial all up in this blog. Yo.
5. It’s been agreed that nobody thinks I sound cool or like Mr. T when I talk like this. I don’t even remember Mr. T saying “yo.” I think only pirates said “yo.” I actually looked up Walking the Plank the other day after watching ‘Hook’ and it sounds really screwed up and I don’t know why we celebrate this in our culture like it’s this big party trick. I don’t want cannonballs tied to my ankles so that I can die in the sea. That’s messed up!
6. I need more coffee except I don’t. I’m also noticing I don’t have many new tricks and I really, really, really need to get some. For now yeah … I’ll get my things and go.
I will be back later. I know. Nobody believes. 🙂
so. Just in time for the blogathon. I sliced my finger with a kitchen tool. because I am a tool. Also, my websites are not updated. Or functional. Because I suck big eggo. But enough with the self loathing. I have written many Entertaining and Meritorious songs and learned totally all about how to record all the sounds! That’s right! I’m all done!
(no. Not really. We are NEVER done learning audio. Hear that? NEVER EVER!!! BWAHAHAHAHAH! It’s like prison. For EAR MURDERERS. Because that’s what I do. I murder your EARS! But more on that tomorrow when I learn to type really fast with my stylus and my right hand! Also I’ll update on my goings on with tiny and informative videos.(…..))
I KNOW! NOBODY BELIEVES!!!!
Hello. I’ve been blogging more. This is obvious because you are here again, reading my delightful blog.
I had something meaningful to post about, but the senility has driven it out of my head. I think I need some potassium. I’m going to eat a banana. I am trying not to make a list. It’s like a crutch or something.
This isn’t working for anyone is it?
In other crucial news, American Airlines tells me that I have a chance to win 500,000 miles. They are not fooling anyone and I am tired of their malarkey.
PS. OH!!!! I remembered what I was going to say! I am trying to go through this blog and add people’s names to my tags. But I think I’m going to stop doing this because you can just type their name into the search box. I don’t know. I’m really conflicted about this. Maybe if I just mention someone, I’ll say ‘people,’ but if the entire post is about them I shall put their name. That way I will only seem stalkery on special occasions. If you once had a tag on my blog and all of a sudden you do not, do not be offended. I’m just trying to be more expedientoto.
1. coffee gets cold too quickly, and it’s a damn shame.
2. i’m not feeling very creative lately and am in that weird place where I look at things that I wrote in The Long Ago and think “wow! I wrote that?!
3. HTML often does not behave itself and must be managed like an unruly child that refuses to finish its broccoli.
4. I have to spell check ‘broccolil’ often (I didn’t there), and also don’t usually refer to children as “it.”
5. my breath could improve and I do realize you’re all sick of hearing about this sad fact.
6. I have no idea why we capitalize ‘I’ in sentences if we are not going to capitalize “me” as well. I’m sure there’s some reason that I would find “oh duh”-inducing, but probably still would not like.
7. My house is haunted and I keep hearing loud, unexplainable noises.
8. I shouldn’t like buffalo wings but I do anyway.
9. I have never mown the grass. There has always been someone around me who would prefer to do this chore and I have never protested because it seemed like such an arduous task and also I felt a little sorry for the grass (I actually did, I’m not just being funny-for-show). Plus, it was just going to grow back anyhow and living in a huge jungle-y thicket has some small romantic appeal.