1. I’m having one of those days where I feel mentally insane and everything I write spews out in an ugly river of nonsense that I feel no one would care to read.
2. Negativity = not pretty.
3. It’s hard to try and hold up the pretty in front of yourself all the time. It slips, really.

I’m not in the mood for numbers. My brain is behind on thinking, I’ve had the same headache for a few days, and I’d like it to go away while I sleep.

My environment is good right now. I have the ingredients to thrive if I can. I just have to grab it. I just have to not let what’s deep inside me define me, and suck me down like some self-immolating collapsing star. I don’t know how the physics of such things work, but I don’t want to be drawn to that which only obliterates me. I want to be uplifted. I want a piece.

I wish that in the morning things could be better than they were inside my body today. I feel I’m fighting a silent and losing battle sometimes against my health and age and sanity.

Geez. What drama.

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