I wrote a large collection of unreleased, themed poems last year. They are meant to fall into six booklets. It has come to my attention more and more that, for many reasons, my work is very personal and largely unreleased.
A lot of it comes in the form of blogs, or letters. Gifts or gestures or jokes. There’s a lot of poetry in my songs. Basically I am writing always, even when sick or sad. I may get really overwhelmed and blue and feel as though I am not accomplishing anything because I’m not tacking accomplishments to a bulletin board or having a huge showcase or mounting some epic smash hit cd release world tour of everything.
I get comparative and overwhelmed and it makes me feel small and useless and crazy. And very invisible.
(yes, SXSW is on and I’m not an Epic Hopelessly Over-Busy Uber-Showstopping Musician. I am just me.)
I told a friend of mine, “I think I shall do an album!” and he said “make a Kickstarter for it!” I thought “whatever for?” But then I realized that I could do this and it would fit. And I could fit my projects into the whole plan as well. Because I’m trying to wrap up one area of my life and go into the next one. Work-wise I mean. Anyway, I’m going to spread all my material I’ve collected in front of me and see what I’ve got. I’ve already got quite a whittled-down plan and I’m not quite as confused anymore. But I think it’s important to really my give some honor to what I’ve written, because it’s okay that I write a lot, that I see things and say things and think things. I’m glad to have more material rather than less.
I’ve decided to stop thinking of myself as excessive and exhausting and annoying and to think of myself again as insightful and prolific. It’s easy to focus on getting sucked into the deep drown-y parts of life. It is very overwhelming.
I know I have an audience and they will come to me. They DO come to me 🙂
I was feeling negative for a bit. Now I’m feeling a bit better about things and with the glimmerings of some realistic hope. 🙂 yay me 🙂