I am having a good weekend.
This is because I *needed* to have a good weekend. I am a grody-to-the-max-y’all, greasy creature-in-mourning. I am just as emo as I ever was. It’s totally true!
I don’t have to tell you that though…
I am easy to distract from my work, now.
Once I read a book, called Stephen Pressfield’s ‘The War of Art.’ I know I have blogged about this in various places before. Someone talked about this at the blogathon. My ears pricked right up… oh yay!, I thought. It’s a sign!!! and then promptly forgot all my motivations as some crisis-y like thing came up to distract me once again from my work and I stared letting other people’s crap take over space in my cerebrum.
I am a caring soul, looking for distractions. But I’m reading back posts in my blog and I used to be self-absorbed (in a good way!) and funny. I think this is because I used to read books and practice and play video games and amuse my own damn self. I didn’t require anyone else to amuse me and I certainly thought there was something wrong with YOU if you didn’t require ME to amuse YOU. I had gotten to that beautiful point in my life where you needed to lobby for my attention and if I thought you were worth my time I’d hang and we’d be buds.
But I was nice about it. It didn’t sound like it does as it reads. It was basically something that is in short supply in a lot of people’s lives these days. And it’s a real fleeting thing for me. It’s self-worth. It goes away when I allow people to talk mean to me, or ignore me, or just … anything where you get that ice-cream-sick feeling in your stomach.
It’s easy to let go on self-care. Once I had a bad breakup, in college and I didn’t clean out the trunk of my car. It actually rotted out because I let some sandwich die in there or something. I realize this is gross, and you are probably going to go off and look for the blog of someone else who is not completely vile-ing you out … maybe go read about adding flour to sugar to make pretty deserts and cuddling by a warm fire in fuzzy slippers and trendy Ikea furniture or something. Johnny-Depp-and-the-Lord only knows I would rather read that blog. especially since I haven’t baked in a long time and it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas since my crazy-ass husband just ADMITTED that he listened to a Christmas song this week and liked it and all that.
I looked at him and said
… wait. This isn’t a list is it? Oh crap.
Well, I was going to talk about Christmas songs, and earliness, and betrayal, and all that, but we are on vacation, and it is romantic and all that.
No, I don’t care if we are sweet and you want to validate us with “awwww, that’s so nice.” We’re NOT cute. We’re NINJAS and can BEAT YOU UP. We’re SO MUCH COOLER than everyone we know that it is astounding. We’re like the Gods of Bacon of something.
By the way, the Film Festival that is going on down here is ridiculous. Silly, silly hipsters!
love always and for-blever…
Denise who is moi
ps. there is a songfight up. the Billy and the Psychotics entry is me and it is VERY strange-u-lous 🙂
pps. Paula Deen just showed up here. Dude! It’s like a sign or something! #cupcakesfromthelord