Extra! Extra!

okay. so this Spacebook “subscription” thing …. #eyeroll …

I should “subscribe” to you, but NOT request your “Friend”-ship IF:

1. You are Famous, and I “know” you – but the Knowing consists of us Drinking briefly in a bar during your gig and we were talking about something inconsequential like guitar picks or gummy bears (or the smooshing together of both in a pocket or something)
2. We dated and now have 45 mutual friends and it is your Birthday and I would like to lob some Angst in your General Direction but not have it stick like a romantic loogie on the sliding door of our Checkquered Past.
3. You are a Well Known grammarian and we do not speak but are happy to help newbies like me follow your feed and learn to spell things like Lugie. (???!?)
4. We are embroiled in Epic Drama but I must know up to the minute details of your life although I do not ever want to see or know you again and your entire family has filled out a restraining order on me (this has not actually happened to me or anything … no. really. no. i’m serious)
5. You are a Tapeworm and are gross and I don’t want to know you
but I know you will be Prezident some day and besides you now have
a Jaunty Business card (see end of this post) to prove it.

6. Yes Graham Porter also made my Jaunty Business card.

7. I realize that tapeworms are serious and we are not taking this lightly.

8. If you are offended, perhaps you should eat a pickle, or go shopping. Clean your ears. Plant a garden. Brush your teeth. I plan to floss later, myself.

9. Those were not part of the list, I shouldn’t have numbered them!

Replacement 6.You are a famous maker of jaunty business cards (like a designer or something) and maybe might try to steal Graham Porter’s work maybe? We might keep tabs or something..? Maaayyybee??
The real #7. You are the Actual President or an Actual imaginary or real secret identity of the president.
Doppelganger of 8. You are a known menace who should be kept tabs on who cannot help revealing their secrets to the public in the form of status updates.
THE9. You are Dracula or another Immortal or on the cast of As the World Turns, or something like that.

I told people at Google+ I was going to make stew. I didn’t really mean it. I don’t have a cauldron. I might try some cupcakes or something. I owe someone some gluten free food, but it has to be mailed to a faraway Northern Land. I’m going to get a consultation on it from an expert. πŸ™‚

It’s time to go in and deal with these old photographs. πŸ™‚

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