small update which is very maudlin and tiny in nature

1. i am disappointed in some people, and i think some people are disappointed in me.
2. i have a robot ring though, so i am dealing with all of the crap by occasionally taking pleasure in silly things like tiny silly objects and foot cream with Badger advertising on it. and Pretty Fans.
3. i am working on some cool projects, but it’s sluggish and i don’t want to do any more work which apparently has been mediocre in nature. Maybe because I’ve been surly?
4. i fell down and hurt myself pretty badly and i’m very sore.
5. we’re getting our carpets cleaned and the noises it makes are pretty funny.
6. my wrist is not broken, sprained, or even badly twisted – so i can practice if i do it carefully. i did get scraped up when i slipped and fell and the story is a little long and embarrassing and perhaps i will v-blog it at some point… it involves slippy shoes and an arguement-that-was-not-really-an-arguement and a Tough Time and a water cooler and I’m just going to stop now because my tailbone hurts and so does my back just thinking of it.
7. i think i’m pretty just generally exhausted. I want my blog to be pink and held up by balloons, but what can one do when one is feeling like flat frog?
8. i am at least in a very organizational mood. the fed up kind. where you are not going to keep any clutter. this is a good thing. i’m getting off the internet more and more now and I don’t have a lot of patience for anything “cute” that I see so I doubt I’ll be making lots of “cute” little things – putting up special little touches on the blog that are funny or interesting. This is gonna get stripped down to functionality.
9. just the facts ma’am. my cute crap hasn’t been working thus far.
10. gee, i sound like a whole lot of fun today, don’t i? perhaps the Stay Puft Marshmallow guy or the Kool-Aide man can come ravish me. He will be grape flavored today, and we will go to Spain. He will bust through my walls of resistance and I will stop whining and this time I will believe in the fantasy that some one could be actually entertained by me for a sustained period of time.
(here comes the rousing string surging interlude of doooooom.)

Maybe I’m just sad. People shouldn’t die so young. My mother was young when *she* stopped fighting the cancer too. I miss her voice today. She was the most amazing person who ever lived and I wonder what she would think of my decisions and if I would have let things get this cooky in my life if she were alive.

I think I need help, sometimes.

I think she would have told me that I have all the answers and that I am good enough. That’s a real family thing to say. When you hear that it makes you feel very cry-y in the kind of way when you call home sick from school and you get all crumply because you know you’re going home to lay down on the couch and someone who thinks you are special even when you are ugly is going to bring you toast and gatorade.

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small update which is very maudlin and tiny in nature

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