the sucky-ass phoenix.

1. i have a splitting headache and i have work to do. it’s not getting done. it will never get done. i don’t think there is any hope for me. i will have this headache forever. i’m going to go drink more diet coke. and panic. panicking is always a good idea when you have a rip-your-belly-out nausea headache.
2. i will never eat again. why don’t i learn?
3. this has been such a tragic year of don’t do it…oh, what’s that! oo! i’d like to do THAT again…ouch! gee… THAT HURT! well, no #$&%, dumb ass!
4. lists aren’t really cutting the mustard anymore. soon, I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and explain myself and that is going to S U C K … but I’m not going to do really good, bust-out-of-my-block work until I do it.

there is just really so much to lose.

oh well. no art without pain and suffering and flying out of the ashes off into the light after you roast that bird and the little screaming baby chick flies away out of the wasted carcass of the mess of her last phase. or something like that. just why does it HURT?! (<-interrobang worthy question. the interrobang isn't scary, or dirty. the interrobang is sexy, and it LOVES me!!!)

sigh… why does change… SUCK. I just am so BAD at transition phases. And I've been in denial about being in one for months and months now! Perhaps this is why I’ve been blogging so much. I don’t know. Who knows these things..?

by the way, the phoenix is always the most desirable and tragically beautiful and admirable before it completely gives into its destruction. then, after it explodes, it looks like a pathetic picked chicken and it's easy, almost, to laugh as it squaks pitifully around the yard scratching for the scraps of its old favor and comforts. it takes a while for a bird brain to wise up. a peabrain doesn't retain the great mystery of reincarnation though – so that is a lesson for something larger than a blog-sized-trading-card-cereal-sized-stack-of den-wisdom. perhaps more tagging will occur.

I'm going to nap, and then perhaps recording something worthwhile.

Curiously, I was thinking at Torchy's that half the stuff I've thought that I need to record is in fact already finished off just fine and just needs to be archived. I am just fine as I am. It's time to stand up and do the new.

Maybe it will rain soon…

the sucky-ass phoenix.

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