1. sometimes there is one thing that stops you from going over the edge. usually, I keep these small treasures to myself. but today I need to remind myself that I need to look squarely at my entire life and know how much control I truly have over myself, my body, my sitch, my whole outlook and outcome. I am not helpless.
2. It’s nice to be reminded how much music is really what makes me breathe and eat and survive. I am going to bang through three songs and it’s going to solve everything.
3. It TRULY doesn’t matter what happens next, or what has come before. Not that it is unimportant.. just … well … music ….
4. I will ALWAYS have this thing, even if EVERYTHING else deserts me. Even if my hands are cut off – I will be in a situation, like Beethoven … with it all in my head.
5. All of the music in my head, it makes me different from other people. It sets me apart. It also puts me in a company of people who are set apart. Of people who govern their lives in this way. Of people who can be ground down facefirst into the dirt, or think that they are… but who know that as isolated as they are and feel – and as incapable as they truly are to connecting with other beings, truly:
This THING, this art is the bridge.
6. This thing also lifts me up. Not above other people, but up OUT of the dirt to SEE the humanity. Me … Get … Serious for a second. My HUMANITY. My sameness and the ways in which I LACK alien qualities. In which I CAN be a human, put aside a mask-y persona and embrace with perfect love those who come to me in life. Because I have been given this brain-music that I hear, in themes, surrounding those who come up to me.
The thing is…. music means that you change. Out with old, in with new. These days, my emails have been coming to me resplendent with glorious guitars and an understanding of what my vocal has been trying to say – the depth of where I have developed to and where exactly *I* as an individual I want to go …
and I don’t care to hold back anymore. so I will take the comfort where I can find it. And I will try my best. And I don’t care if I sound creepy and stupid and horrible. All I care about is how it all sounds to me. And IF I make you feel … at least SOMETHING … when all is said and done … when I have played and sung through MY feelings – whatever they have been that day.
PS. Thanks for your support. I thrive on emails, tacos, and Basic Human Kindness.