So.. the Anagen reunion show was tonight. The one where they open up for Vallejo. At Antone’s. It’s a fairly big deal, it’s been a long time coming.. the place was packed.
I didn’t go. All my RL friends were there, of certain groups. All the old school ones. Real old ones. Some folks I woulda liked to see.
Most of all, I miss the way things were less than a year ago. I felt bright.. throbbing with promise. Now I just kinda sit there.
I think I had a goal.. something concrete to push toward.
Now .. I don’t. my focus has shifted. It’s not on me anymore. It’s skewed around. I’m not sensible. I’m not entering the restaurant and sitting in the smart booth so I can see my exits; I’m just letting myself get seated wherever. Not Okay.
I’m a bad sister. That’s my brother’s band. I needed to be there for him. We’re family. So my husband is there.. so I’m in a weird phase. So I’m REALLY crowd-shy.
These are get-overables. Don’t state things about yourself. They may become truths. That’s what happened to me.
Today was a day of signals, karma, and synchronicity. No one grokks it. I feel like starting over.
Sleep for now is good.
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