Here is a list I started a while ago, but it’s relevant today, so I changed some stuff and out it goes.
1. Duality is on for two more days over at Geeky Pleasures. I’ve triple-quadruple sexdaduple blogged about it, so there we go. There’s links all up and down this particular blog thang’s main page. I think there’s even one for Geeky Pleasures.
2. If you are a artifictioner, there’s some other lists there.
3. I’m going through a transition phase. I’ve written two sets of song lyrics about it. One was really good. But I think the second one REALLY shines. Too bad my computer is a mess, and I have only put out the song about the insane asylum which fit neatly into a song contest Prompt (more on that later)
3-and-a-half. This is not That Blog about That.
4. I think I just reached a break-through in organization.
5. I’m disappointed though. I wanted to upload an old track that I didn’t realize was finished, even though it’s not finished. Except that it is finished. Or not. Lots of “Ack” on this one.
6. I learned over the past couple of days that just because I am a Xondorian; this does not mean that I am not a person. I’m complicated and require effort. I guess I’m “weird,” which has been discussed before. I’m okay with this. But it’s tough to sustain the attention span for that.
7. I have been thinking much about outlook this week. How I should feel and how I should be. I don’t like the word “should.” I like the word “me.” I know there is a word “is;” that it “is what it is.” Nobody really knows what’s going on. I think too much about these things. But what if I decided to be okay? I think when I expect the best, it shouldn’t really that laughable. I know that I said reality doesn’t respect desire … but reality is a thing to be pushed through and moved off to the side and shoved and said excuse me to – like passengers on a train, or water, or wheat. It’s malleable. It’s not a wall you can’t climb or a box you can’t get out of. If your reality is a bucket and your people are lobsters pulling you down… well I’m not sure what the exit strategy is for that. I did it once and it was messed up! What I DO remember about that though is that you can’t FORCE other lobsters to come with you if you are determined to “level up.” you can extend your hand, or remain linked with your team, or just whatever it is you do. But you can’t FORCE people on board with you. It’s just not possible.
Water CAN actually move uphill, but it takes effort and is expensive. Ultimately, you have to decide if a Thing is Worth the Trouble; or if it’s Trouble at all or a Pleasure. Is the water going to look very pretty moving uphill, like at a beautiful fountain at a restaurant? something really nice?
You have to decide if you love it.
I want to evolve.
8. All my projects are about the same thing right now. I’m at that comfortable place where I’d do these things if I wasn’t getting paid, which is good because I’m not. I am a lucky little thing to have these luxuries. I know that there’s a trade off too, and that I am extremely UNlucky with the lottery ticket I got for so many other things. It could so easily be that I could have no resources and MUCH trouble. And the trouble I would have with no resources would be mighty. Sometimes, I do give myself credit and think that perhaps alone I COULD find my way out of a paper bag, as I did once long ago. Sorta.
It’s also BAD because I’m not getting paid though – because I SHOULD be, because I’m good at what I do. I would rather not do aspects of what I do TO get paid that make me too sick to my stomach to have leftovers for what I love. I have to look at everything with a critical eye. Is the money worth it, are the people worth it, will I level up (this is actually important and a real concern – and it’s not realistic not to look at things this way because access to inner rooms is Useful and Important)? Is it a pain in the ass?
Do I love it?
9. Sometimes if you love something it must take a back seat to these other practical things. Your duty calls. Of course, at some point there is health to consider. Are you killing your own soul? If you have given up practicing the piano because you are too busy managing your social networking because there’s too much crap on your desktop; does this make your soul hurt? Can you do some juggling? (the answer is yes, I learned at an Extremely Useful blogging convention which made me stop thinking of the Internet as an Evil Time-sucking waste… but as a reality we can mold ourselves and put limits and boundaries to; because it is a Real World). I invested about two days of my time into really UTILIZING the lists of twitter, and into creating Facebook filters. Now I’ve cut my time in half and can zero in what I’m spending time on and why.
After all, life is tick-ticking away… and each minute I do something unpleasant is another win for some “The Man” in the sky or in The Pantry of Time or the weirdos sitting on the Lobster Jury back at the Pooliard School of Crustacean Music. #thatwasbad #ihashtaggedablog
10. I am still not good at this yet. The clearing of my mind will make this better. I will get smarter and more organized about where things should go. Already, clutter is falling off. I’m deleting things like mad and it feels really good. There are still uncertainties, but I have a Trustable Gut.
11. I wonder if any of the lobsters ever loved their way out of the bucket. Because any time I do anything with Heart, that’s when I get somewhere. It may not be where I was aiming, but it’s to another level of some kind.
12. There has been synchronicity all around. People have been reminding me that there are patterns and signs and that my feelings are valid and true and real. And that it’s okay. And that I’ll be okay. I am not a problem.