1. i am very thankful for mine.
2. i am very, VERY thankful to be allowed into the lives of some others that I am quite close to. it’s not easy, and it’s a huge gift and i know this.
3. i am rather sad. it’s so hard to explain. so blessed in so many ways. but we lost an amazing person today and it’s been a rough few months.
4. there have been so many, many lives lost around the world.
5. the closer a life is to you, the more its loss seems to mean. if it is far away, and one has a certain way, one could almost snuff out a life.. if one had certain qualities. You think these kind of thoughts when you are going through a loss. Things distill down to the special-ness of your group, your tribe, your home. And you stop thinking about disaster, and tragedy, and war. And it doesn’t matter that it’s selfish. Because it’s not. It wouldn’t matter how. Every life is sacred, so no mourning is trivial or selfish. All should mourn in appropriate degree, in whatever way suits them.
6. i have a set of folks close to me. i care about their lives. i care about their gains; their losses. So deeply.
… we keep on living or we don’t. but we do. maybe. maybe definitely.

who’s to say? i said some things to my person. and they were good things. and i feel good. i feel good about my mom. i feel good about the people around me. i feel hopeful about the future. i usually have a lot of fear. i still feel it there, inside me.. but i know where to turn and what questions to ask and that certain things are going to stick like glue.
I feel that I can sleep easily. Sometimes I don’t, and sometimes I do.
But I do feel watched over, if not by something mysterious – at least I know by people who love me. Who there are lots of. And weirdly, you know this when you lose someone.


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