A Weird, Motivational List

1. I need to pay more attention to the things that are going on around me. My eyeballs are always looking at my shoes. Metaphorically and literally. This is good sometimes but also not really. I need to be okay with being interested in my here-and-now.
2. Things have been really odd around here, leading up to and during SXSW. I am not involved in South-by. I think I was MEANT to do something this week…
3. There’s a list of things that I don’t want to talk about. I’ll just REFER to them. They’re stressing me out.
-a situation that is out of my control goes on and on and I don’t know how to manage it well
-i can’t quite get a grasp of how to articulate my own goals, and I think I’m over-thinking things
-i believe i have lost what I once had because of this last few months bout of being sick; and some bad decisions on my part. I should have at least tried to keep practicing. I saw a flower today, but will the garden come back? I guess the only way to know is to try to get it back. Whine or work. What sounds more appealing.
-try again. i think i get forgotten about. i think this has happened more than once and i am getting a little tired of it. i’m being general here.
-i believe i’m in a place where i’ve also lost GROUND. i’m going to have to start over. not really, but sorta-kinda. i’m looking around and I’m not sure what is in my pouch of spells and weapons. Like in a role playing game or whatever – to be geeky or whatever. I’m not sure that I’m going into the next forest with the spells I need to defeat the Giant Wombat of Everlasting Doom. Maybe I used the spell on something stupid back in town at the tavern, on some gnome or something. Something I thought was important. Maybe I asked the wrong questions. Maybe I thought I had finished tasks and accomplished quests. Maybe I thought that cupcakes were the new little black dress. They are SO NOT. I think that people are eating cakes that are on lollipop sticks now. Watch … you’ll see it. It’ll be the new thing. We saw it at Starbucks.

4. I am going to have to accept that I am sometimes a bit negative and surly. This is just who I am. I’m grumpy. Oh well. I am also polite and shiny and loving and wonderful. So there’s a dual thing going there. I have always been a dual-natured creature. It’s why I like to wear bright and inappropriately contrasting colors and mis-matched socks. I am rather childish.
5. I don’t care. Immaturity is sometimes rather called for. PHBBHBHBHBHT!
6. My audience will find me. I will wait patiently for them and try Harder to produce content and Have Adventures.

I haven’t been very good about documenting my adventures lately. This is because I have been swallowed up in my own sad-sick and other people’s stuff. I will try to be better and people could maybe ride my wagon for a while. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a fun little train. I like it. there’s chocolate trees and candy stuff and I try to say important and amusing stuff sometimes-ish.

I will try to solve all my problems in a year, but I do realize that is what I say every year around this time when I get all melancholy. I plan for shows and albums and collaborations and great journeys and inner growth and transformations and tours and stuff that don’t come true.
This time I’ll keep my hopes up. so that if they’re dashed it won’t be my fault or for lack of trusting or trying.

A Weird, Motivational List

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