Phoenixes

1. today I am going to simplify my life.
2. i’m not sure how that’s going to look. i have lots of lists; lots of clutter. i have many things i want to do which don’t seem feasible when i look at them with a pair of realistic eyes. so I am going to have to regroup. rethink. refigure out where i stand in my Scheme of things.
3. i have a way i want things to go, but I know by experience that what I need and what I want are seldom things that are of great importance in reality.
4. I do have a lot to think over. And I hope that I’m feeling well enough to trust what I think. The more I play the piano, the more I know myself.
5. I figured out so much yesterday as I practiced! I figured out the REAL reason that I stopped practicing so much. It had nothing to do with any of the things that I thought it did. It both relieves complicates. I feel relieved because before I felt weak and distracted – as if I couldn’t work through “all these distractions” to just “go.. practice” like it says in the song I wrote.
6. I am always aware of the danger of justifying distractions.
7. This is what clutter is though. This is why I am so reticent to clean my desktop. I should just turn everything off and DO it. I should just get rid of everything superfluous around me; and in which I am superflous … and begin again, again.

This is what the phoenixes do…

Here’s a poem I wrote 11/29/2007 … Really, I thought they’d be song lyrics. But today they look like poetry

When you met me I was a beginning
Your blank code, a Clotho
You held me in Lachesis afternoons
Now I’m a fading Atropos
Can’t stop the screaming
and I think it might be time
For leaving …

Elegance isn’t something you learn
With my mess hanging out … the world can see me burn
I can’t sew it up tidy in a little purse
Better leave it all behind
Better not to consult
… my dark side

Never, never, never let you out of the dark
room we live in
Other people on the back sides of
Private lives
have cleaner sins …
Than I

I have been labeled – LIMITED – by time …
Time ticks
It’s time to make your move
It’s time to get up
Before you die …
A chicken can’t be a phoenix
can’t fly..

Denial’s back in again
Don’t think about it / Go back and fantasize
Pull the wool over your eyes

So you’d just better not make a sound
Don’t listen –
better not to make a decision
It’s too disturbing
when you’ve (gotta) think about just what
made your world stop turning
On its axis round and round

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Phoenixes

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