so I’m thinking of going to a party tonight. i’ve been to a party here before.
I’m not just thinking of going to the party though, I’m thinking of going to a couple gigs too. Like before the party. That would be, like, three places. In a row.
This is a big deal, because I have a gig. In a week. I know this. I would like to hole up, and NOT be going out tonight. I think that I should NEVER EVER go out EVER EVER again.
But this is unfeasible and ridiculous. And these people would probably like me to come out, because when I do go out, they seem pleased. So I don’t know what I’m all freaky about.
I think there’s an extra little dose of freaky because it’s been kinda weird for the past month.
But I feel invincible for some reason. In the past 12 or so hours, I feel like many weights have been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I’m going to be okay. I feel like my great faith, my great letting go, has been rewarded somehow. I feel like love will be paid back to me and that these struggles that I go through with the humans will get easier.
This is because love is not something to be paid, but to be grown together between people in different ways. I know this. I don’t know why I get into thinking in a hoarding mentality.
Wait, yes I do. It is because of possessiveness, and jealousy, and fear. This is why. And this reaches into all aspects of our lives. I am not talking about romance here. I am talking about the safety one feels when going out and promoting yourself. When you are an artist, a writer, what you do is a labor of love.
I was talking to a guy that is recording in the studio that I live in today about something that Joe and I have been working on forever. I was trying to explain Joe and I … what it is that we are doing exactly. I found it more difficult to describe our style than I do to describe my own. We usually think of it as “we are doing the things that we want to do.” But what is our mission statement?
I have been thinking more what is my mission statement because of this playing out live thing. How is it done? How is it done most expediently, so that time and effort is not wasted? What is one’s image meant to be. Who is your audience? How do you find them? I talked to a friend about this recently.
I have never really been able to describe myself. I have always described myself as “weird.” Actually, it’s one of my favorite Muppet quotes. About Gonzo. Don’t even remember who says it. It’s what he IS … “looks like we picked up a weirdo…”
I play weird chords, say weird things, write weird poems, go off on weird plotty tangents. When people say “what kind of music do you play?” I start the sentence with “well, it’s weird..” they sit back with knowing eyes. I can hear the thought …
ah yes. unique. just like everyone else. what is it this time. a little bit country, a little bit rock n’ roll? some bluesy piano but with a little funk thrown in.
Throw in a lot of combinations.
I sound like a lot of different people. But none of them have a lot to do with each other. If I listed the names together, it would sound ludicrous. So I just play. Part of the problem is that I have done a lot of really odd things. I’ve played in an Early Music Ensemble on a double harpsichord (solo stuff, maybe some accompaniment), and in some African tribal things. I’ve done some odd experimental things. I’ve sung AC/DC. I’ve written Gospel songs in Russian (I don’t know Russian). So I’m not sure what to say about my resume exactly. That I could sing in Hebrew, Russian, and Portuguese, if pressed (that was Brazilian Ensemble, from University)? I’m not sure. All of it finds it’s way into what Joe calls my weird “den chords.” He’s picking up on them. Now I’m learning to do accompaniments that sound a little like bodhran rhythms. That’s what I tried to do on ‘To The End of the World;’ make the piano sound like a bodhran (since it was a song about a Scots’ city).
So I guess what I am trying to do is figure out how to find my audience.
And I guess what Duality is trying to do is have a safe place for now to express what we want to, and if we happen to find an audience then that would be so very wonderful.
If you think you might enjoy weirdos or people who enjoy performing experiments and stuff, all that info is up the side. For now, this is ze blog. 🙂
Happy Friday. 🙂
ps. Someday, I will tag mahself.
pps. And do some more listage.