I don’t believe anymore, in coincidence.
I think the friends I have collected, and kept, are worth more to me than anything I can explain. They make me believe in things like afterlife, heaven, reincarnation, forgiveness. They make me forget about things like judgment, jealousy, fear, self-hatred. Those things are there; but we wear them down together in each other.
I’m too damned negative.
I don’t think this is something I can change overnight. But it’s something I want to learn. It’s something I need to try. I think it would help with the other things; the uncharacteristic fear of people and crowds and public. The opening up of myself – so I can connect honestly through frank speaking and fearless, properly boundary-respectful conversation …rather than hiding in caves and emerging though a gauzy veil of cryptic tweets, poetry, and hard to understand song lyrics?
Don’t believe me? Well, you are probably right. What my duo partner Joe calls a “den chord” (and we WILL just keep the mystery and leave theory out of it!) doesn’t modulate to some more traditional sonority overnight. Nor should it. Some people need the dissonance. It just must come with balance.
Negative- no… Maybe I’ll go back to being a tad angsty. A trifle emo. But still serious about what needs to be taken seriously.
I think this is going to end up being a good-work weekend. At least, I hope so. 🙂
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