I have speaking with a new friend online about religion.
I am feeling rather tired and overcome, so it is calming to me. To a point. It’s helping me sort out some things, sometimes, when we speak. I don’t know. Perhaps it is some form of abuse. Toward him. I don’t know if I should feel that way.
When I used to feel conviction so very strongly – and sometimes this is still true – I would make sure of its consistency from every angle. I believed in a concept of absolute truth.
I used to be a different person. Completely. Not different in principle, but in practice. I believe this is because I know that humans are weak, and fragile, and that they cannot help but to bring in their own needs and desires.
I believe that it is a RARE thing indeed to have a religious discussion where one party does not eventually run into a wall of fear and turn to anger against the other person. That anger can take many forms. Denouncement, threats, emotional blackmail, intimidation … sure I’m referring to specific situations – not just my own.
Sometimes, there are two people that can sit in difference and be fully convinced of the truth of their belief and not be threatened at all by someone with an opposing viewpoint – even if it invalidates completely their own. This may be a hard thing though, because of sitting with a person who completely invalidates a God that you love; or whose God feels that your unbelief or behavior makes you worthless, or that something about you makes you less than another person that deity may favor more.
I won’t get into my personal story. It’s long. But I did write a poem about my conviction at a particular time. I had doubts and needs and I wanted to discuss them with people who were supposed to share beliefs with me. Instead, we argued, in fear over trivialities.
Then doesn’t just apply to religion – When we argue, in fear, over trivialities, the inanities surrounding us in this silly, silly modern life win. There really is nothing new under the sun or moon. We are all still singing for our supper in front of Simon Cowell types and the masses are watching us do it. Very few people I know are on the social media things trying not to desperately get love and self-worth. Those that aren’t I very much admire … they are getting their power from in themselves. On a good day, I can do that. Usually – it involves time at a piano.
In closing, I will leave my friend a poem here, that I wrote a few years ago;in the way of explanation:
If I believe in A or B
and you believe in C *AND* D
then we can’t all be right, you see…
But sagely tells the body – three
(a number which ironically,
encapsulates for you and me
opinions of those Branches Three
– and of the Fourth especially)
: conviction is both Quaint and Dumb
Out of Vogue is Reality…
But what if someone could be right
and Truthful, gifted with some sight,
discerning between wrong and right?
(a concept which prevails at night
when conscience seeks to win the fight
‘tween “Freedom” and a “Vise so tight.”)
I know that we feel obligated
to view the things amalgamated –
shun absolutes as “way outdated”
and moral codes which leave us jaded.
I also know we wish to stay
the progress of American Way –
to recognize Awareness sent
to War against Entitlement.
Then again, we never will
descend from on our Holy Hill
we fancy that we’re thinkers still
(as we swim within the swill
of our enslaving immovable will
letting stimulation kill
the values which were once instilled).
But no! Enlightened commoners mill
at the buffet of our creeds and pills.
No, we will be pulled from it!
The throne from which we’ll cease to sit…
While we are still considering it –
The hungry souls with drive and grit
will make our brittle doctrines split.
We will be left without a whit
buried in that Entitlement
‘neath eighty tons of TV glitz
while THEY decide our holy writ.