I’m at the doctor with my stepfather and sister-in-law. It’s been quite a couple months. It doesn’t really feel like the holidays. This whole fall season has been a sprint of confusion into winter. I have a lot of drafts sitting around, but mostly, I haven’t known what to write.
It’s been over a year since I’ve been part of an online community of people who are nerdier than me, for the most part. What I am is alien. I’m strange to them and strange to the people surrounding me. I’ve burrowing now more than ever into this loneliness of mine because I’ve had a few intense and surprising things happen to me. I wrote about them during NaNoWriMo, and I don’t feel I will ever get that thing reordered.
The thing that bothers me the most now is wasted time. I invested time into people and relationships that appear to have been futile and meant nothing; and I think that I have done this before. I hate the wasted time inside myself too; because I am ready to work and accomplish goals. I feel as if I don’t I will be left behind and the next shiny and glittery thing will sweep all I have built away.
Such is the nature of entertainment, I suppose.
But I think for me it has always been more about message, code, substance. I don’t care for quick joke… lick-n-stick fast fix as I say.
This will continue to keep me unpopular. This will make me undesirable in many ways.
But I’m used to it 🙂
The trick is to be grateful for surprises. And blessings.
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