1. this is gonna be my first blog from the Cylon. Or maybe the second. I can’t remember. It’s been a long week.
2. Today is my 12th anniversary, but we have already talked about it on Twitter. It is hard to explain a 12 year marriage when you are in your thirties. It is very personal. Ours is very much ours, and probably looks really alien under a microscope. We don’t really care, and this might be the secret to our success.
3. Example: I haven’t been on Facebook, and I don’t really feel like it. But I will go anyway, because I feel like I should say something about my anniversary on the other place because I don’t want to look cold and unfeeling. Yes, it is important to me (to an extent) what people think of me.
4. I’m trying to develop a zen attitude about computers, but it’s not easy, because I am ill.
5. When I say that I am ill, I mean that I am not reacting well to pain medication. I am on pain medication because I was in the hospital this week twice. It’s societally TMI to talk of this because of lots of stuff about me, but I am fine and everything is good I’m just hurting a bit.
6. I am going to be myself. I don’t know what that looks like so I guess it looks like this.
7. I keep trying to line myself up with examples and I don’t think it’s working.
8. I think I worry a lot and it’s wasting a heap of time. Paranoia is not helping me in the least.
9. The only thing that will reveal the answers to the questions that I have about the future of things is time, since I cannot tell the future.
10. I am going to have to let go of the things that I have lost and if they are gone forever just start over. Sometimes things are signs. Maybe this is a new beginning. Maybe it is time to start over. Maybe it’s a brand new day with a brand new set of pianos. I don’t know. I’m confused.
All of my songwriting and data is still there, but without the piano patches, nothing will play or be remixed again. And that’s not the only VST.
I’m very scattered. Forgive me. I guess I can start the long process of going through all this stuff. I guess I have packed up all my belongings, and moved again. Only this time, there is not a trip in-between point A and point B to cushion the blow. And I really needed the idea of that, rather than the feeling of loss that goes all the way around, bone deep.
I have love and support, at least.