1. I had several moments of Clarity today and they felt Real Nice.
2. I think that taking a different course of action at a pivotal moment is a smart thing to do. And I am ready for improvement. I look for patterns and learn from them.
3. I feel change in the air.
4. I have decided to honor myself a little bit more, because I haven’t been doing that and it sucks.
5. On that, many Austin musicians have this thing where they will work for free. This is because they have to do it. Well, I have this philosophy and it bleeds over onto so many things. I have started Not Valuing My Time or my Effort.
6. I think that if I make effort on something or take time to make beautiful things or even just exist, I should go where the appreciation and the compensation are. I should head toward the things with oppurtunity. The things with benefit. I am not trying to sound mercenary. This is just part of the “honoring yourself” thing. It’s the better way.
7. I think I will stop taking shortcuts. Because I’m NOT just working for me, I’m working for people who are Appreciators of Me too. It’s a circle.
8. I think I will go with my gut and use my training and my instinct and trust myself.
9. I am valued, and worth the effort. I don’t like or understand this making it real easy for the customers and the fan base thing.
My fans aren’t stupid.
People who like my work like complexity and they like puzzles. They like to take extra time and they like to figure things out. They like the relationship of humans to other humans and they like their eggs a little runny.
Maybe metaphorically, but still …. 😉
I will try not to be a hermit. I will try to extend a little more. I will work a little harder to get out there. But it would be kinda nice to be pursued. Because living in this day and age makes me feel a little bit like we live in a Sadie Hawkins-culture as a backlash to the push for equality. I know that’s a horrible thing to say because i am not supposed to think about myself as a Demure thing that needs to be Pursued. I am supposed to put on Power Shoes and a Power Suit and go out and Publicize my wares in a clever way to my Fans. I would do this if I was a professional.
This is not really the Xondorian way. I am a subtle creature. Much of my mystique is lost. I know. I used that word. Ironic. Twisty. Silly, perhaps.
I want there to be some perfume in this thing. I know the only way I can do that is to get good at my sound, so this is why I will keep working my ass off learning what I’m doing.
I guess this is why I’m addicted to Songwriting Contests. And why I’m writing about being Addicted to Songwriting Contests. And addicted to making pianos. And addicted to blogging about these things.
And just generally being neruotic.