1. Its voting week. I find myself in a low-grade-but-yet-kinda-apathetic nervousness like I did in the first contest. I have been very tired lately. I have a whole lot on my mind. Sometimes I am secretive and cryptic to protect myself. But sometimes I am secretive and cryptic because there’s just a big dark hole with nothing in it to cover up. Like a wound.
2. I’ve taken precautionary measures. A combination of things. For one there’s the band-aid. Then the preventative stuff so the infection doesn’t kick in.
3. The vibe leading up to the big reveal isn’t instilling a lot of confidence in me. I can’t really explain it.
4. I have thought of a lot of things I could say here at number four. But I won’t say them. I am instead going to look at number four, shake my head sadly at it, and remind it that in three days it will be TUESDAY.
Let me tell you something about Tuesday, oh adoring Public. Tuesday, is the last over-indulgent day of Emo Summer. It is a day of significance; a day when I look longingly back to when the furry woodland creatures came to play in my mental serenity-meadow. Sound dirty? It’s not. It’s gorgeous. It’s nice to be surrounded by fur and warmth and fire and trees and green grass and safety and hugs that don’t let go.
5. I live in a cerebral desert landscape and I must always remember it is eat or be eaten. I can’t blink or someone will snap up my place or my opportunity. My laziness. It’s mostly been my sickness, or negativity brought on by sickness. But fear will gut my confidence and really:
6. …it doesn’t matter if nobody loves me but my husband or no, not even him. The work is there for the sake of the work. That is just how it is.
And now … to wait… and then onto part two.
UPDATE: shoulda put this out BEFORE, but will now. Then onto part 2.
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