Rattled and Lagging

I’m feeling pretty bad right now. I was in a band for a while, but now I’m not.

I’ve still got John, I know … and later I’ll text him back. He knows I’m back from my super-secret trip. He wants to hear about it.

It won’t be hard to talk about not being in the other band with him, because I hadn’t told him that I was in another local thing. But he will be elated to know that I am still on board with him. He has stuck by me unwaveringly for ten years.

I think I need to start learning to like what I’ve got and not yearn for what I’ll never have just because I had those perfect-piece-of-pie moments that only last for a little while. Since there is never going to be an Anchorheads, or a run like Fu Six-plus (what I’m calling my story of a song); I need to just fold this hand.

If you have class, you know when a mix isn’t working, and when a thing has run its course. You know when you have started to smell and it’s time to move along. This is why one of my favorite animals is the phoenix.

And this is why my trip has been so mysterious. I think I was going off somewhere, to be alone, and to die- so I could figure out what I was going to come back to and if I had the stones to be alone artistically. And learn to live either way, regardless. And stop inviting trouble, or playing with fire just because it’s pretty and I’m very curious about such things.

I’m going to figure this thing out.

And, by the way, if I’m shy… I have REALLY good reasons for it. Maybe I’m trying to protect something.

Maybe I just need to cover up a little better. Or grow thicker, better moisturized and well-toned skin.

Rattled and Lagging

2 thoughts on “Rattled and Lagging

    1. Denise Hudson says:

      I’ll be okay. Mike was supportive when h found out last night and Joe has been really great at making me feel musical and non-superfluous. The online-band stuff totally counts… I’m starting to think sometimes we’re all just as real as the “out theres..” if not more

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