Today I am back in town and I went to a new cafe which I don’t remember the title of which absconded with my old Garden District cafe. They had tables which are too tall so I sat outside. The view is still the same because there is stlll the same plant sales-place in the back.
I almost locked my keys in the car whilst I was getting out and then almost-slammed my thumb in the door anyhow. I’m a little annoyed that there wasn’t any wifi. I asked Tunafish dude, but he just looked at me like I was entitled.
Now I am looking at this fly who is trying to steal my doubledecker vegan coookie sandwich with icing in the middle like HE’S entitled. The fly can suck it. Or, rather, I’d rather he didn’t. Oh well. Moving along.
I was going to make a list, but I think that I’ve been a little too liberal with what I number in the past. I think that it has probably contributed to the disorganized flotsam in my brain.
It smells like patchouli at this cafe. I’m sorry to typecast, but it just really does. Someone with Doc Martens and an attuitue walked by and I am more and more nervous and claustrophobic about my ability to “make it” in this town being inversley proportional to the number of holes in my face.
I am imagining taking a hatchet to the fly on this vegan cookie. That’ll show the antidisestablishmentarians! RARAAARHHH!
I have an alarm on my new house. I am telling you this so that you will stay the $%&^ away if you are not Expressley Invited and do not know the proper Incantations, and also so that you can understand my high level of stress over such things. There’s numbers and stuff to memorize. Change has to be embraced. I went into the chat twice today to complain about this (I fear change) to someone with a waiting ear, but I s’poze that all the people who go into the chat have lives and did not want to hear about my alarming problems and unchanged obsessions in the absence of any great epiphiptwinnies.
I don’t know what the mosquitos think they are doing still out at this time of the year, but they are not kidding anyone. I’m not really all that impressed. Actually, I take that back. I am pretty impressed that Mr. Asshat Mosquito has the audacity to go directly for my funnybone the minute I sit down. I feel kind of violated. This sandwich had better be good. What the hell… with all these bugs. I was thinking about telling people where I was with one of these fine GPS tracker applications, but I don’t think I will. I’m feeling ornery, if you didn’t notice.
The weather is not really that bad, but pretty humid. There’s a nice breeze now which is doing it’s level best to calm my bitchy young soul. This is paradoxically making me feel both peevish and as though I am being patronized by the weather. It also makes me feel stupid, because when I type that phrase I am never EXACTLY sure whether or not I say that I’m being talked down to in a head-pattingly-annoying sort of way, or if I’m being visited and perused, and then having my Wares Purchased.
This in turn makes me even MORE annoyed, because PayPal is not cooperating with me. I had some nice person that I know who shall remain unnamed buy an entire album of my music which they could have gotten for free if they’d liked or really wanted to … and PayPal sent them back their money. I will get to the bottom of this, to be sure.
I’m not really getting what I want in life, but this is my own fault at this juncture so I am going to have to hop. I plan to be more assertive in the near future. I feel as though I have backtracked a little bit. The only way to play the game is to show up and declare yourself. To make your presence known, so to speak. I have traditionally enjoyed hiding in the shadows though, that’s my trouble. I think I care too much what people think. I think I am terrified of losing my allies. I have worked so hard to get them. I’ve done the walk-ing a-lone on a tightrope thing and I’m afraid that I’ll fall down if I start jiggling around too much.
But if I think that I can actually fly and stuff there shouldn’t be any problems. Don’t I think I can? These are interesting questions? Maybe I am invisible AND I can fly? Maybe I am a crazy person, living in a fantasy world. Why didn’t I do the comic book contest? Maybe I am trying to wean myself off of contests and do something else.
Tonight I am going to a writer’s group with my friend Rebekah. I’m excited about this and will probably blog about it. I will probably plan some bite-y off-y more than I can chew-y stuff. It’s moon day, someone on my twitter stream has said. Mohawk Barista is wearing a half-shirt. The children are no longer screaming. The breeze isn’t as annoying anymore. Not one person on this side porch is wearing ANYTHING normal. I’m wearing a new necklace and new matching earrings, along with a necklace that I originally bought for Rebekah so I am going to continue wearing it until I see her and then take it off my neck and give it to her. She’ll think that’s funny. It’s so me to do something like that. I am a writer of late-late letters and a giver of late gifts and a maker of grand and secret gestures. I write people silly songs and secret messages.
I am thankful for my friends, especially the ones who have been so supportive over the past few months. It’s been a weird time of transition, and I think when I come through it it will all make a lot more sense to everyone. EVERYTHING will finally make sense. I will keep plugging away, making plans. If I didn’t have them I don’t know what I’d do.