something’s gotta change my world.

I have made myself very, very sick. It has just become clear to me how in-over-my head on certain projects and obligations I am. I want to pull back out of some things but I’m very emotionally invested in many of the things.

I’ve learned parts to them. I’ve made pianos. I’ve NAMED some of the pianos. Done hours of painstaking research. It’s heartbreaking really. I’ve gone out into the studio, with some of these pianos. I’m crushed, a little bit.

When you get to a certain point in your complete mental breakdown … when you realize that you’ve LOST it … that you may have done some ill-advised things and perhaps JUMPED THE GUN … well, I do a series of things.

1. I obsessively make pianos.
2. I nail bite.
3. I start flogging myself with Hungarian Rhapsody #2.
4. I OverShare with people who will later turn around and hurt me ijustknowit.
5. Apparently, I become addicted to the internet.
6. Apparently, I start participating in religious discussions, which is what I clearly stated several years ago that I would NEVER AGAIN DO.
7. I remake pianos.
8. I let my house go. Really go.
9. I do not complete songs, but keep writing more and more.
10. I do not do laundry in an epic way.

Sigh.

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something’s gotta change my world.

4 thoughts on “something’s gotta change my world.

  1. Paula Frey says:

    I start books I never finish and tell embarassing stories to complete strangers.

    For the most part, I’ve given up on cooking. I don’t have the mental energy for it, even though I’m a pretty decent foodie.

    Sometimes, I revert to my college habit of buying new underwear and socks at Target in order to avoid washing stacks of laundry.

    Life is too short to over-extend yourself. Pare down to what speaks to you as the most important.

    1. Paula Frey says:

      I do actually want to hear you play sometime. I remember in college you were very talented.

      I don’t drive, Terry works nights and on the weekends I go into hermit mode because I’m just fed up with people. I’ll suck it up though soon on your behalf. 😉

      Women don’t know how to say “no” to more responsability and we sacrifice ourselves and our health because of it. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a few years ago and it forced me to be a bit more selfish. I say “a bit”, not selfish enough.

      1. Well, we could even just go grab a drink or something, or we could watch a movie or hermit at home. I like to hermit too. I am hermitting royalty 🙂

        Yes on the woman thing … we have thousands of years of the caretaker thing I think …

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