more lists. just to get through the night.

1. Audio, if you do it correctly, can get REALLY lonely.
2. Piano, if *I* do it correctly, is SUPPOSED to be solitary.
3. I have not been alone, and I am suddenly afraid of being alone, and my own shadow.
4. I am suddenly addicted to attention, like a small child. This could be why I am hedging on getting the gigs again. I know better than this.
5. Something is once again missing from the puzzle that is my ridiculous brain.

Screw the lists. Practicing was lackluster today, as I knew it was going to be. I knew it was going to make me into an angry red sore to be around. I knew it was going to take my mojo away. I knew it was going to make me un-sexy. I knew it was suddenly going to be stupid. It was going to be “Denise what’s wrong?” and … whatever. Even if it was in my own head. I knew that it would be tempting to run away from slow hands and burning wrists and clumsy fingers. I knew eventually I would HAVE to run away from a twitching in my right hand because if I overworked it we would get another Hungarian January Repeat (specifically the friska! – which I will never play this way! … because few can, I can’t even get through the music so much) and we don’t want that.

By the way, I would kill for Horowitz’s trills. They make me cry.

Advertisements
more lists. just to get through the night.

Comment ...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s