I’m so scattered!

I’m reading the other post. I need tacos! This is why I don’t blog. The other thing I’m going to have to do is retrain myself to write. This was what the 3-pages-I-used-to-write-in-the-morning were for!

That’s another thing I remember about the guy I re-met in the studio. I think he knows about ‘The Artist’s Way.’ We have a lot more in common that I knew.

What I was going to say about him in the studio is that my piano didn’t work for him. I don’t know if I SUPER frustrated my engineer or not … who knows. But I play in a certain way. I had one of those blinding flashes though; of really <i>knowing</i> who I was because the other piano player was in there. He was doing a build-up into another section of a song. I was sitting back on the couch really <i>f-e-e-l–i-n–g</i> what he was doing. And then when it was starting to get really good, he stopped. He’d made a “mistake.” Everyone in the studio agreed. I held my tongue. And then they wanted to go back, not only over the mistake, but over MOST of the stuff he did which I thought was REALLY amazing. It was then I knew that I was really, really WEIRD. As if I hadn’t had a clue before …

I think that I am maybe just an “inappropriate” pianist. I don’t think this is a bad thing. I take pride in this, actually. It just means that maybe forcing myself into being some kind of a session musician may spoil me … may spoil EVERYTHING that makes me … me; and makes me … GOOD.

And I don’t think I want to do that. Maybe it is the same with my vocals. Maybe I don’t need to sound like some rich-throated siren of blues. Maybe it’s okay that I sound like a teenager. Maybe it is okay that I am surprising.

Here Β is another clarification that I wanted to make. I don’t go into phases where I don’t listen to other people’s music EVER. I still listen. I am just the queen of hyperbole and I wanted to illustrate how important my enviornment is to me. I’ve got to frame things just right.

I just have to severely restrict what goes into my ears. Because I am a “pocket” musician. I’m different. I’m not “unique just like everyone else.” My being different has gotten me into trouble … And I’ve had a couple people tell me “I haven’t heard anything like you.” I’ve had people pause and say “uhhhhhhhhh” when asked where I’d go in the record store. I have not been able to clarify myself. I’ve been told I sound like a spread of different people – none of whom sound like one another. So listening to too many other things is confusing – and having too much colleague time is intimidating. When I become a fan rather than a person who is producing, I get surly and upset. And my music gets more competitive rather than original.

This is probably why I haven’t done an Inverse cover yet. When other people do Inverse covers, they are being community minded. I can tell they put themselves in it. But other people don’t suffer from identity crisis as I do. I will probably be bringing a lot of hangup into mine. And if/when I do mine (which I have cooking), I’d like it to come from an uncomplicated place as though I hadn’t heard another song in the world ever. As if that song and I had found one another on an island and had a long, long torrid affair. Even like Inverse had never written it. Just maybe given it his features, because he gave it birth (proper lyrics, proper structure); but maybe I change its sonic philosophy and some other things about it and we have a “relationship” or something. I dunno. This is just the way that I feel about things, and why I do so few covers. And why a cover has to be GOOD in order for me to do it. I have to CARE.

Anyway. More ramble.


2 thoughts on “clarifications

  1. YES! THAT’S IT!

    (I was talking to William yesterday and he asked if I had ever heard [a string of ostensibly famous bands I’d never heard of]. This is exactly WHY I’ve never heard of them. Great job articulating it! And thanks for reminding me that I’m not the only one like that.)

    1. Someone I used to work with used to say “how can you even be a MUSICIAN when you don’t know who ‘so-and-so’ is ..? I got real sick of that real fast! So I (in my drama-queen way πŸ™‚ ) developed this schtick of pulling my wallet out of my back pocket and saying: “FINE! *HERE!* just TAKE my musicians license then! I guess I’m JUST NOT ALLOWED to be a musician anymore … {dramatic eye roll} {handcuff, ‘oh lead me away’-gesture}

      Sometimes it helps to lampoon these little things in our daily lives … πŸ™‚

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