I was going to write this for TMA. It’s a question someone asked about ‘write a story of a song.’ It got a little too personal.
STORY OF A SONG CHAPTER 1: TNT
I write songs in many different ways. This subject opens up a big can of worms.
I’m going to talk about one particular song I’m pretty proud of. It’s called ‘Tomorrow’s Not Today.’ I jokingly refer to it as ‘TNT.’ You know, like AC/DC. It’s nothing like that of course.
I’ve got a recording of me playing it on YouTube, blowing a chord and with some ridiculous dialogue beforehand. There’s also a recording on my myspace site, which is unacceptable because a) it’s a myspace site :S and 2) it’s not a great recording. I’d REALLY like to get a good recording of this tune, needless to say.
Anyhow, I’ll list this out. That’s probably for the best.
1. I used to be in an acoustic duo with somebody who plays in a couple fair-to-mildly important-ish bands now. One of them at least is pretty cool. We started a band together that went through several incarnations. It was pretty intense. The relationship went on-ANDON for a very long time. We were also involved in church together. This is as long as the story will get (for the purposes of the song). Any song that has anything to do with this subject can be referred back to this entry and this number 1 right here.
2. What it has to do with is that a) I was depressed because b) we were suddenly NOT involved for a multitude of reasons. Mike and I were also not involved in church. Suddenly I was not getting out of bed a LOT of the time. This has to do with the song because it had gotten to the point where I was lying in bed, with my guitar and my laptop. All day. I’d eat in bed, compose in bed. After a while, I was RECORDING in bed. It’s sad I know, but I have my issues …
3. This is because I am agorophobic. I don’t know what they are calling it now. There are other reasons for this besides #s1 and 2, but #1 and 2 are pertinent to the song.
4. The lyrics refer to my penchant for listmaking and procrastination. I also have several songs that tell the sad story of my hygenie and the story THAT tells about my state of mental health. There’s some reference to that in my song ‘Pity Song’ as well.
5. I was also referring to the fact that I was very out of energy for a lot of the time during this. The breakup of my duo was very hard on me. The way I deal with things is to write songs. I stay in my house because I am supposed to be a good married wife that has all my emotional ducks in a row. But I was involved with another man in a pretty intimate songwriting partnership. Also we were members of a conservative church. Constantly being shamed. After it was all over, I sat by the phone a lot, wishing things were different. That made me feel very pathetic. My husband was very understanding, but I had to write a lot of songs to get through my hangups about it.
6. The phrase “hide and watch” is based on something annoying he used to say to me”
7. I wanted to feel a certain suspension in time, even though this is supposed to be a song about getting over it. I wanted to be able to sing it forever, as though I have never gotten over it (and so I haven’t, in many ways).
8. I’m also giving tribute to the Scarlett O’Hara concept of “Tomorrow is Another Day.” Thinking about it tomorrow. One Day at a Time. Not biting off more than you can chew. Because I get washed over by overwhelm.
It’s a good lesson for me right now, especially because I am feeling very bare-bones and behind about all this production stuff. I also feel very stylistically different, and I often work alone. I am different in process from other people and express myself in an odd little way. So being involved in a group again has been hard for me. I erase much of what I was going to say.
I will probably put this up on my blog, and write something else.