I changed my recording today and wrote a blog about it on my myspace blog. For the last few months, I have been featuring the other two recordings on my myspace page. While these are more current recordings, I feel that it’s time for a more “current” decision – I’ve changed my mind about this today for a few reasons.
‘Emily’ is an old recording, which my vocals sound very “young” to me on, it’s true. This was why I was reticent to open the page with the song in the first place. But I have been listening to the others open the page on a low quality laptop, and because of a lack of mastering and the home studio environment I was restricted to; I think that ‘Emily’ better shows what I could do in a studio (at least, what I could do in 1999 in a studio).
Anyway, I have come to terms with the fact that I do not have “female vocalist” voice. I just didn’t train up into that. And I sound odd and fake to myself when I try to do it up too much. I just sound youthful in timbre, surprisingly so – but this is how is appears to me, and I live in my head.
This is also a recording with a band that I made choices in forming. These were musicians that I felt comfortable with and they were doing things that I wanted them to do at the time on the piece. This represents what I want now – which is to have access to people who would work with me and believe in my vision – and not turn into what my band and some other experiences became … isolated thinking – not seeing the good and cohesive new thing a project I envisioned could become. People who were for themselves during their times with me – and so I shared my music in service to them. These were choices I made, but I thought I had to at the time. So I’ve seen talk but little evidence of what I have wanted so badly. Golden Promises.
‘Emily’ is one of my few pieces of evidence. ‘Emily’ was the closest I’ve probably ever gotten to anything real. You can tell someone that you played with someone that almost happened or at a particular place at a particular time (a place which is usually no longer standing with a club owner who has long since disappeared) … but a recording is something that cannot be argued with. You don’t have to “go back to kindergarten” with a recording.
Emily has stood up, I think. I sound young on it, but it has not aged too badly. A decent recording is a good credential to people. A magic and *famous* recording, with names – of course … would be better; perhaps attached to a tour … but this is a good proof that in 1999 – if I had been a lot more assertive and bossy – perhaps I would be someplace very “magical” today.
I have not yet seen the music in my head come out of vocal chords and pianos and guitars and other instruments into the mics and boards and computers and finally arrive into ears. I have had some luck with engineers. The rest was getting people firmly on their own paths to walk a little on mine, in essence, to believe in me.
Emily was the closest thing I got to the recording I wanted – but I have a long way to go.
I’m going into recording in June or July, I believe. To say my expectations are high is putting it mildly. If it were up to me, the entire album would be tracked already … ah but the involvement of *other musicians* … this is where things start to get hairy. So I will try to push forward. I am wiser now.