Tag Archive: tomfoolery


1. These shoes make my feet smell objectionable.
2. Sex dreams are serious bid’ness. Unless they involve chickens or macrame.
3. There’s bread making at my house. I’m drinking champagne and playing disco zoo.
4. Nico Rosburg is HAWTTTTTTTTT.
5. I could slow down on the champagne. It’s good it doesn’t come from a tap.

OR IS IT?????


boring backyard haiku

I have decided to please your eyeballs by finishing off my blog-ventures and showing you five haiku based upon what I can see out here in front of me



chronicled too much
still they don’t do anything
my lazy lawn gnomes


if my crocs offend
maybe just get over it
and all is mended!


husband washes snapware
left in trunk of car for years
smells UN-delightful


HINT: apparently
the trick is to WATER plants
then they do not die.

this is a haiku
that is about these haiku
dude. i’m so meta.

Today Today Today.

Hello. I’ve been blogging more. This is obvious because you are here again, reading my delightful blog.

I had something meaningful to post about, but the senility has driven it out of my head. I think I need some potassium. I’m going to eat a banana. I am trying not to make a list. It’s like a crutch or something.

This isn’t working for anyone is it?

In other crucial news, American Airlines tells me that I have a chance to win 500,000 miles. They are not fooling anyone and I am tired of their malarkey.

PS. OH!!!! I remembered what I was going to say! I am trying to go through this blog and add people’s names to my tags. But I think I’m going to stop doing this because you can just type their name into the search box. I don’t know. I’m really conflicted about this. Maybe if I just mention someone, I’ll say ‘people,’ but if the entire post is about them I shall put their name. That way I will only seem stalkery on special occasions. If you once had a tag on my blog and all of a sudden you do not, do not be offended. I’m just trying to be more expedientoto.

Gnome more Mondays (part 2h…..

Apologies! My first post posted twice! Here’s another surprise gnome for your trouble!



ps. it also put my posts out of order

showers and flowers and bears. oh my.

1. Congratulations.
2. Tomorrow you have been scheduled to wake promptly and forget the last Four to Five years of your Entire Life.
3. Yes. We’re talking roughly from March 31, 2010 to April 1, 2014. Oh and also you can choose anyone at random upon the earth to joyride inside the consciousness thereinslyof or whatsowhateverlybrothers. For a limited time only. Now their life is yours.
4. Go forth. Live inside their brain. Or just inside your own nice white clean space. Ahhhh. Refreshing. Go have an apple. You’ve earned it.
5. This offer expires at 11:20, Central Time. March 30th. Only a couple of people have taken us up on it and they would say it’s working out really well if they remembered anything in the least.

If you missed it, I’m sorry. Next year, we’re doing a thing where you can rewind back 3-7 years. Take your pick. You can get a jump on that if you get in line now.

not available in other time zones, sorry. samplers containing scented bath salts and back scrubbers are available instead but have been lost in the mail quite often.

-Department of Pranks and Tomfoolery.

1. It’s, like, soooooooooooooooooooooo late.
2. Yeah, I like, totally just typed that. It’s way time for bed.
3. I’m a 40 year old. For reals.
4. I’m not as funny as I used to be.
5. I think I’m getting the arthritis from computers. I always thought it would be tendonitis from piano practicing, which would be more heroic and Romantic. Alas, alack, no … it will be just another Internet Injury like the rest of Modern Society. How Banal.
6. This is very Lady of Cooking Onions. It’s time for bed. Like,
way past time.
7. This waste of everyone’s eyeball blinks has been brought to you by 3:24ish, central time. Amen.

Bed List For a Blog

1. I ate cake. Red velvet. I think I have a carbohydrate intolerance, but I did not finish it {ADDENDUM: the cake. not the carbohydrate indulgence. geez …}
2. I’m changing when I take my pills again in hopes they’ll Work. My sleeping pill which I hardly ever take but need to tonight gives me skunky breath.
3. I think I’ll start feeling more alluring in general in the coming weeks. I’ve been antacid level sexy for months now. this will change and possibly soar up to breath mint sexy, or cream cheese sexy. Maybe fizzy drink sexy. There’s hope there.
4. No more candy crush or that game where the horses fall from the puffy clouds into meat grinders below.
5. More water tomorrow.
6. My new shoes are pleasing me and still feel new.
7. I want to be in a better place. I need more out of life than to float by like this.
8. That baby (my niece) is so cute that dryads are singing songs about her (not the same dryads that sabotaged our Internet at the previous house we lived in).
9. Redirection on my projects tomorrow.
10. This is my official reminder to practice. It’s all about motivation and being motivated helps I think.

1. I haven’t posted in a while, and I need to. You don’t become Invisible unless you stop wearing clothes…
…wait a second… THAT’S not what I meant!!!
2. let’s try that again. This is a family blog. Yeah. I’m serious.
3. I’m drinking TopoChico out of a tiny, tiny bottle and am going to my writers thing tonight. Tomorrow I am going to visit some friends and that’s exciting. If this update is boring your previously bouncy hair into a state of limp lifelessness, I’m very sorry. Perhaps you need more exciting shampoo. It’s not up to me to make your existence bounce like a 1980s Prell commercial with my Blog’s Funny Wit. You won’t find that kinda consistency here, kids.
4. Something happened over the weekend. It’s a serious thing. I may talk more about it if I can find the appropriate time or words to do so. I am sorry to be so cryptic. Things are also happening to me personally, and have been for quite a while. They go back for perhaps years. At some point, I will take stock, and then perhaps since I started out talking about myself in this Bloggar-ly way, I will return to that. I’d stopped doing it because I’d grown increasingly private. Maybe it’s time to become more like myself again. There’s nothing wrong with that. Damn I’m mysterious. If I could sew, I would certainly make myself a cape.
4. Mike is making some potato-pork chop thing. It smells good. I don’t feel hungry but much as the heart changes the mind of her mercurial sister, the brain; a nose changes the mind of its fickle brother, the stomach. Pronouns are not set in stone here, your milage may vary. I know better than to burst with pride at that metaphor, but I’m trying, people.
5. I painted my nails and toenails recently and they look fanTASTIC. They are blue sparkly and the toenails I did weird pink and blue and green with polka dots like fun ice-creamy colors and I look like it’s time to have a fun party. All I need is icing, a crossbow, and a reason.

Poetry will be posted later, and possibly some pictures. For now, I just thought I’d write.


1. this morning I am wearing Charming Pyjammas (A word I refuse to argue with the Spelling Faeries over). I took a photo, for your perusal.
2. my brainstormy list of things to do is disorganized and frightening and it’s really no wonder I sit around drooling a lot.
3. New hair tomorrow! No idea what color I will be… :)
4. It is time for Autocorrect and me to have a STERN set of HARSH WORDS about It PREEMPTING everything I say-dammit. I clearly look Silly and Incomp-a-toad. And I donut like this. Not one tiny bait.
5. My friend that does my hair thinks my music is great but that I’m a Writer, really. It’s a good time for a hair appointment…
6. Billy and the Psychotics got reviewed at Song Fight by Jim of Seattle. If you don’t know what this means I shall just tell you that it was really cool and told me a lot, some of which I already knew. I got some ideas on how to solve The Problem (Me vs. Consistently Writing a Melody/Hook). Solving the problem is HARD. I did better this week (we’re active at songfight.org); also managing to pull off not sounding like the Mucinex Faerie.
7. My piano is tuned!!! YAY!!! I had something bloggy to say about Mr. Nick Litterski, whose name is Difficult to Spell; and I think it had something to do with his fixing of the sustain pedal and all the hilarious innuendo one can gather when you are using exciting and inventive techniques to make sure one does not suffer from continued pin slippage which affects the sustain pedal’s ability to perform. The proffered solution indeed rose to the occasion; my pedal is working smoothly thus far, and I am acting like a real tool right now in this blog. I think I even said “that’s what she said” before “I am totally blogging this!” Anyway, back in six months to check for the tightness of tuning pegs. I’m totally in the wrong field. Or maybe not, as I am both a lyricist, and a cad. :)


HERE! Another blog RIGHT AWAY from the likes of ME! You are terribly excited. You have been waiting with shark-bait-breath. Yep. The excitement is SWELLING in you NOW!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

1. so. it continues to be a good weekend. i’m actually getting a lot of planning done. hard head work.
2. The Killers is a good band, actually, I think.
3. I am starting to get into music again. I have been listening to *my* music, and it is rejuvenating me. Lots.
4. The cylon and I will soon reach an understanding and come to a resting point in negotiations. Many files will be put in a hard drive, and that hard drive will be put off to the side.
5. I am SO excited because I’m going to leap up onto another plateau. I know that sounds really weird, because usually it’s a steady climb up a slope of a ladder. For me it is a series of plateaus. And when I get to the end of one of them I have grown really really tired of it.
6. This plateau has lasted about six or so more months than it should have, but I really need to forgive myself for this. When you don’t have all the information you need – plus you are sick – you have to cut yourself a little slack.
7. When I “level up,” to use a phrase that you kids have been teaching me ;) … I think this time I am going to have to learn to play more. Not take things so seriously. Not have things so set in stone. Not have rules that hold so hard and fast. To be a little more flexible. To be a little more fearless. To *own* my risks a lot more so that when they totally backfire I can say “ha-ha” and not boo-hoo. Because before I protected myself from all risk. And now it is tempting to say “see, this is why I did that! I TOLD you so! All Cretans ARE liars!” :)
8. I make a lot of Grand Proclamations about what I am going to do, and then I end up eating a lot of Blueberry Waffles and procrastinating about my plans.

Well, tough tilapia, people! I am a creative soul who is easily bored. I will probably continue to play football at the hyperbowl – angry as all get out when the other team wins and takes the shiny pretty trophy away from me. Because it seems that I can never really WIN *Anything!*

9. Oh dear sweet Raddicchio. They’re playing ‘Patience’ by GNR on the loudspeaker at the hotel bar. I think I’d probably die if I had to perform the whistle-part to that in public. I’d never make it through. I can tell you that the rest of the clientele where we are probably do not feel all that turned on by my Axl Rose impersonation. Even though I think it is TERRIBLY thrilling. And Spot On. I am SOOOO serious about that. I have it DOWN.
10. Today, if you are reading this and you liked it, you should tell your 3 closest friends about it. They are currently TOTALLY being deprived of Me. :)
(yeah, I’m a nut. But if you were here I’d give you a hug. Or do my Axl-impersonation for you. Hey… where are you going? Would you like a jaunty business card??????? HEY!!!)


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