Tag Archive: tomfoolery


Quick Things including my Undone Halloween Pun Costume

1. I said to Titty Bingo on Twitter (they’re a band and everyone with a car or a guitar case has their sticker now. Except me. Why the hell don’t we have several of these? What kind of Austinites are we?!?! Must rectify this immediately.) … anyway, I said to them during Halloweek that I would post a description of my funny Halloween costume and then I forgot to do it. #fail

2. This week, my brother got married, I had two migraines that are not technically migraines, experienced insomnia, and then when I slept had weird audio dreams that intersected with Traveling Minstrels of LadyTown again, if you know what I mean (you do).

3. There’s lots of stuff about white man privilege going around on the web now and I don’t know how I feel about this. I think if we didn’t have discrimination and ugliness in the first place then we wouldn’t have to make sure that one of the kids didn’t get better presents than the other kids who got crappy ones or just didn’t get any at all. But maybe that’s a bad metaphor, because it’s true that people shouldn’t be buying tiny babies jeweled iPads. Or yachts. And I know that as long as there are things like Instagram accounts for the extremely wealthy that there is probably some kind of Classist Problem. I also know that my niece would enjoy a jeweled iPad. For about 7 seconds.

4. I have a new lipstick that is amazeballs, but it feels frivolous to be over-the-damndamn-moon about this.

5. Okay, back on Topic. So I was going to do this thing for Halloween. This is what I told the TittyBingovians I was going to write about.

PROCESS
-rent nun costume or steal one from convent.
-wear ribbons and medals and first place and best of show stuff on top of robes and habit.
-also be visibly carrying flask and/or bottles and other drinking paraphernalia.
—-this was all so I can go as

…..The Best Bar Nun. {ROUSING ROUND OF APPLAUSE}

…I still may do this. But now I have to wait until next year. Or at least until Girl Scout Cookie Season. So I can get my clerical discount (that’s not a real Thing).

6. that was a lot to read to get to the costume.

7. I do not have Apology Cookies for anyone reading this. It’s a blog.

news-y news news

1. I feel a little better. I found out some online stations are playing the Psychotics track I sent in for the Texas Honeys thing. So Song Fight strikes again. :) Not too shabby. Maybe we should actually do the freakin’ album one day. I’m not even sure if BatP has a trading card!
2. There is a ‘DJ Ranger Den’ trading card at SongFight. You can get it (if you take a chance and order a partial pack) here.
3. I just bought a festive spring frock online. I don’t know why I felt it was necessary to tell you this. Probably because I haven’t been very Present online, and I feel that cuteness might make this Forgiveable or something. This dress is pretty damn twee. I’m thinking I’ll wear knee socks with it and pretend I’m six. #am40.
4. We’re having hamburgers tonight and it’s a bad idea.
5. We’ve started a new show called Continuum. It’s taking over my life.
6. Part of me thinks I should just quit trying to be a productive human and become a professional Netflix Consumer. Do they make those?
7. I don’t know why I can’t blog consistently like a normal human Bean every day or so. I wait fifty years and then do a billion-blogs-in-one-day. Sigh.

SATURDAY OBSERVATIONS.

1. These shoes make my feet smell objectionable.
2. Sex dreams are serious bid’ness. Unless they involve chickens or macrame.
3. There’s bread making at my house. I’m drinking champagne and playing disco zoo.
4. Nico Rosburg is HAWTTTTTTTTT.
5. I could slow down on the champagne. It’s good it doesn’t come from a tap.

OR IS IT?????

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boring backyard haiku

I have decided to please your eyeballs by finishing off my blog-ventures and showing you five haiku based upon what I can see out here in front of me

***********************

FIVE TIME WASTING LITTLE SNIPPETS

chronicled too much
still they don’t do anything
my lazy lawn gnomes

image

if my crocs offend
maybe just get over it
and all is mended!

 

husband washes snapware
left in trunk of car for years
smells UN-delightful

 

HINT: apparently
the trick is to WATER plants
then they do not die.

this is a haiku
that is about these haiku
dude. i’m so meta.

Today Today Today.

Hello. I’ve been blogging more. This is obvious because you are here again, reading my delightful blog.

I had something meaningful to post about, but the senility has driven it out of my head. I think I need some potassium. I’m going to eat a banana. I am trying not to make a list. It’s like a crutch or something.

This isn’t working for anyone is it?

In other crucial news, American Airlines tells me that I have a chance to win 500,000 miles. They are not fooling anyone and I am tired of their malarkey.

PS. OH!!!! I remembered what I was going to say! I am trying to go through this blog and add people’s names to my tags. But I think I’m going to stop doing this because you can just type their name into the search box. I don’t know. I’m really conflicted about this. Maybe if I just mention someone, I’ll say ‘people,’ but if the entire post is about them I shall put their name. That way I will only seem stalkery on special occasions. If you once had a tag on my blog and all of a sudden you do not, do not be offended. I’m just trying to be more expedientoto.

Gnome more Mondays (part 2h…..

Apologies! My first post posted twice! Here’s another surprise gnome for your trouble!

#stupidhairymonday

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)

ps. it also put my posts out of order

showers and flowers and bears. oh my.

1. Congratulations.
2. Tomorrow you have been scheduled to wake promptly and forget the last Four to Five years of your Entire Life.
3. Yes. We’re talking roughly from March 31, 2010 to April 1, 2014. Oh and also you can choose anyone at random upon the earth to joyride inside the consciousness thereinslyof or whatsowhateverlybrothers. For a limited time only. Now their life is yours.
4. Go forth. Live inside their brain. Or just inside your own nice white clean space. Ahhhh. Refreshing. Go have an apple. You’ve earned it.
5. This offer expires at 11:20, Central Time. March 30th. Only a couple of people have taken us up on it and they would say it’s working out really well if they remembered anything in the least.

If you missed it, I’m sorry. Next year, we’re doing a thing where you can rewind back 3-7 years. Take your pick. You can get a jump on that if you get in line now.

not available in other time zones, sorry. samplers containing scented bath salts and back scrubbers are available instead but have been lost in the mail quite often.

-Department of Pranks and Tomfoolery.

1. It’s, like, soooooooooooooooooooooo late.
2. Yeah, I like, totally just typed that. It’s way time for bed.
3. I’m a 40 year old. For reals.
4. I’m not as funny as I used to be.
5. I think I’m getting the arthritis from computers. I always thought it would be tendonitis from piano practicing, which would be more heroic and Romantic. Alas, alack, no … it will be just another Internet Injury like the rest of Modern Society. How Banal.
6. This is very Lady of Cooking Onions. It’s time for bed. Like,
way past time.
7. This waste of everyone’s eyeball blinks has been brought to you by 3:24ish, central time. Amen.

Bed List For a Blog

1. I ate cake. Red velvet. I think I have a carbohydrate intolerance, but I did not finish it {ADDENDUM: the cake. not the carbohydrate indulgence. geez …}
2. I’m changing when I take my pills again in hopes they’ll Work. My sleeping pill which I hardly ever take but need to tonight gives me skunky breath.
3. I think I’ll start feeling more alluring in general in the coming weeks. I’ve been antacid level sexy for months now. this will change and possibly soar up to breath mint sexy, or cream cheese sexy. Maybe fizzy drink sexy. There’s hope there.
4. No more candy crush or that game where the horses fall from the puffy clouds into meat grinders below.
5. More water tomorrow.
6. My new shoes are pleasing me and still feel new.
7. I want to be in a better place. I need more out of life than to float by like this.
8. That baby (my niece) is so cute that dryads are singing songs about her (not the same dryads that sabotaged our Internet at the previous house we lived in).
9. Redirection on my projects tomorrow.
10. This is my official reminder to practice. It’s all about motivation and being motivated helps I think.

1. I haven’t posted in a while, and I need to. You don’t become Invisible unless you stop wearing clothes…
…wait a second… THAT’S not what I meant!!!
2. let’s try that again. This is a family blog. Yeah. I’m serious.
3. I’m drinking TopoChico out of a tiny, tiny bottle and am going to my writers thing tonight. Tomorrow I am going to visit some friends and that’s exciting. If this update is boring your previously bouncy hair into a state of limp lifelessness, I’m very sorry. Perhaps you need more exciting shampoo. It’s not up to me to make your existence bounce like a 1980s Prell commercial with my Blog’s Funny Wit. You won’t find that kinda consistency here, kids.
4. Something happened over the weekend. It’s a serious thing. I may talk more about it if I can find the appropriate time or words to do so. I am sorry to be so cryptic. Things are also happening to me personally, and have been for quite a while. They go back for perhaps years. At some point, I will take stock, and then perhaps since I started out talking about myself in this Bloggar-ly way, I will return to that. I’d stopped doing it because I’d grown increasingly private. Maybe it’s time to become more like myself again. There’s nothing wrong with that. Damn I’m mysterious. If I could sew, I would certainly make myself a cape.
4. Mike is making some potato-pork chop thing. It smells good. I don’t feel hungry but much as the heart changes the mind of her mercurial sister, the brain; a nose changes the mind of its fickle brother, the stomach. Pronouns are not set in stone here, your milage may vary. I know better than to burst with pride at that metaphor, but I’m trying, people.
5. I painted my nails and toenails recently and they look fanTASTIC. They are blue sparkly and the toenails I did weird pink and blue and green with polka dots like fun ice-creamy colors and I look like it’s time to have a fun party. All I need is icing, a crossbow, and a reason.

Poetry will be posted later, and possibly some pictures. For now, I just thought I’d write.

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