spring cleaning: pt2

1. rain. irony.
2. define irony. I myself am too busy working. I own 2-3 early Alanis albums and read the Oatmeal so keep that in mind. or, you know. don’t.
3. GAH, I hate the cold. Captain Suck-It has gleeked upon my sundress.
4. It’s time for French toast. It’s not made by the French, it’s made on Large Bread from Texas and is delicious.
5. I’m craving seafood tonight and I want it in the form of tacos.

1. I am starting to feel a little paranoid. You know what Kurt Cobain said about being paranoid…
2. I’m actually doing really well today. I’m going through some old tracks of mine, and I just figured out that it would be a SUPREMELY ill advised idea to rename ALL of the files because then the program that used all those file-thingys to… uh… do stuff with (does this sentence even work anymore?!) … would get all… uh confused and I would want to hurl the computer into the sea. It wouldn’t be the macbook’s fault. But I would, nonetheless, blame it once again. So I was an ace of a coolkid, and took a PAUSE. Smart me!
3. I went to La Flor and saw a friend. He called me mi amor, and I felt all Austin-y. The tacos there are outstanding, and he is in a band. Being in a band is like breathing. We all can do this. It’s everywhere.
4. I can DO THIS!
5. Everytime I “get online” just to take a break, a little something upsets me for reasons of my own sensitivity. It’s gotten to where it’s even too difficult to explain. To explain would take too long a conversation, or be too embarassing. You know that Jewel song, the one about her being sensitive and wanting to stay that way? That’s kind of how I am feeling right now. I feel kind of bruised and weird.
6. It’s always different, unexpected stuff, coming out of nowhere. And it’s not like I’m not strong, or don’t have goals, or know what I want to do. It’s not like I don’t know who I am. I know exactly why I’m here. The stuff I expected and signed up for, that doesn’t upset me.

I will provide an example for illustration.

I was just in a song contest and got eliminated. It stung to get eliminated, but for me – it did not really sting for the reasons one might expect. The reasons I got upset about it were my own, and are complex.

The surface reasons: what were said about me in reviews, where I hit in rankings, the pure MATH of the situation … if it were *real business life* and an actual paying situation, and not a simulation … like a magazine or a rankings list, or for money or charts or something … I would have to accept these things. This is what people do. This is how it works. I have done this before, and I remember it. I remember doing it in school, other places. You take third, or worse, fourth. There’s reasons for it – good reasons. You take LAST after your FLAWLESS performance. It’s cutthroat.

I remember what it is like to Not Be Good Enough in a place where Not Being Good Enough is pretty damn ridiculous. I still have not quit. So I think at this point that’s saying something.

We are way beyond doing this for personal enjoyment. We are into phycosis.

I was reading an article that an interested and concerned reader tweeted. I think we’re gonna have to go for a combination of 2 and 1b.

Left brain doesn’t entertain the notion for a second that right brain doesn’t have plans.

well-enough-the-hell-alone

1. Today is one of those days where I need to learn to leave well enough the hell alone. But I am a Pusher Of It. An Overstater of Facts. A Overapplyer of Icing. A ladel-ler of Gravy. So it’s time to eat dinner before I start over-applying effects to things that need to sit and mellow. Because I do tend to go overboard.
2. Quote of the day: “okay … the harpsichord’s a little hard to CONTROL …”
3. Random selection from ‘Book of Curious Lists’ which my Aunt Mary Ellen gave me as a gift and which will be a sublist

TRUSTWORTHY NAMES FOR A CAMEL
-Edward
-Lefty
-Ricky
-Bud
-Achmed
-McGee
-Thursday
-Shuffles
-Zonk
-Tom
-Turtle

I can’t really think of any more. Those are all my good camel names.

4. Practicing is not great today. I’m not at the point where I’m doing what I think of as “applied, focused practice.” But I did make a video for my friend Heather from TMA. It’s a REALLY stupid video though. While I was looking at the stupid video, I found other stupid videos on my camera. They distracted me from other stuff I really need to get cracking on. I wonder why I am SO easily distracted!
5. I really need to get cleaned up and out of here!
6. I think I’m in a bit of a weird mix-y-upp-y depression, but I’m not real sure.
7. I’ve been reading about Nur Ein. But the deadline is in a couple of days and I have other more important things I have to hit. And I have to hit them WELL. Which is why I’m going to get a sandwich. Sandwiches provide perspective. Paricularly if they are made from cheese and cucumbers and tomatoes and they come with salsa and chips and you get a kombucha tea as well. YUMMMMM. Garden District I LOVE IT!!!!!
8. I need to get more Ramen for my house so that I neverever have to leave not even for tacos. Of course, if I buy some avocados and cheese and beans and rice and I could probably stay here. And a tomato or something too. and cilantro. Of course tortillas as well …
9. The other list was about taxidermy, but I chose camels, because it is Wednesday. Maybe tomorrow can be ‘Taxidermy Thursday.’
10. I’m thinking about starting a webcast. Like a talk-show thing. Like in the early evenings. I’m not sure though. I may tape it. I’d definately play new songs. It would make me write a song every week. Maybe more than one. I would probably write a song FOR the cast. And I’d have guests on the show, I think.

A list of things You Didn’t Know About Me

1. There are actually Several Different taco songs
2. Tacos are not actually my favorite food.
3. I desperately want a Vibraphone. Or a marimba.
4. I can’t whistle in performance situations, because I will laugh.
5. Sometimes if I need to wear socks, and I don’t have matching ones … well … I just DON’T REALLY CARE
6. I’m not a neat person. I’m REALLY MESSY actually. Like not GROSS GROSS messy.

actually, I’m sorta lying. I’m not slovenly-ohcrap-she-needs-to-go-on-a-tv-show-messy … but I cause concern from time-to-time.

7. I don’t really use my Music Theory like I should. And I know a hella lot of it.
8. I don’t like coconut. Or the smell of it as a perfume or a lotion …

… unless it is REALLY hot and it’s sandy and everyone is half naked and oily on a beach and it’s in the form of suntan oil or something. Then, the smell of coconut is okay. But not unless it’s for that. I don’t really like it for cake or anything.

It’s good in rum too.

9. I like questions. Yay questions.
10. I like Dave. He beat me in Song Fu. Dave likes me too Go read his blog.

11. I don’t like ending on “ten”
12. So on that note, I’d like to say that I am WAAAAY behind on some things. Like sick-sick behind. It’s because I’ve been trying to make some connections with some people. I’ve been trying to be more social. I’ve been trying to crawl out of my little shell, both here online and also at home in real-life. But I have sacrificed working and practice. I still work a lot – but much of my mojo has been lost.

As a result, I’m going to have to gun it on some projects. So if I pop on to the places where I normally do and am not as … prolific as I’ve been, this time I am not avoiding anyone. You’ll see me when you see me and when you do this time I’ll be coming with some results. I’ve just been a little … overwhelmed for a few.