veryvery harrowing

I’ve had an INTENSE week.

I live inside my head. That means that objects seen from the OUTSIDE of my head are often LARGER than they appear (if I see an innuendo lain on that, I will scream – you know who y’all are! Yes, there are more than one of you. I keep some icky company ).

I am am ducking my head off from online JUST a little bit for a while. it’s gonna be temporary. I’ll hang a bit at the listening party tonight for final Fu, simply because I want to. But, after that – I think that after this week I’m going to need a good amount of time to just actually WORK on the music part of things in an isolated fashion. This week really kind of got to me. It reminded me of other weeks in other places with other conflicts and other feelings that … well…

They hurt. And I have that kind of brain where I need to just sit someplace and feed myself brain food until I feel better. Because I’ve always been in this game for the same reasons. And I can’t afford to get sidetracked. When you’re in this thing you have to put your eyes on the finish line and if you start thinking about things like pecking order or hierarchy and paying attention to that stuff you will fail. And it’s gotten me before. I can’t let it get me again. It’s a head game and I can’t be around it until I’ve redisciplined myself out of a SXSW-mindset. At least enough not to listen to how much more impressed-with-than-me I should be by famous people.

After all, I have a hard drive full of the most interesting drivel on the planet that, if I’d been in the right bathroom with the right agent at the right time – maybe I’d be geekeratti too and I would be having the Humility Conversation with myself right now; taking a break from TMA because I needed to stop being an asshole and complaining about non-organic hotel shampoos or some stupid Hippy-ass Austinite not telling me the appropriate directions to “So-Co.”

CRASH!

My computer needs (again) a new motherboard. This will be its THIRD successive motherboard. I can’t believe it’s still under warranty. When I go to cafes, people actually feel very bad for me (you know – with the wireless card and the electrical tape and all) …

In other news, don’t you fret (my LARGE audience …) I WILL be recording soon. My engineer actually didn’t call me back, but I was still being completely paranoid. I ran into him at the humidor and we got to talking about all sorts of amazing things. Felt as though I was totally grokked about music school … even got to talking about DM and he knew of her teacher (I am still really upset that she did not live to see ‘Two Hands‘). So it was a really good conversation.

So I was just freaking out with all the drama – oh no, I have to just quit music and become a chimney sweep because no one wants to work with me … (not that it wouldn’t be exciting to be a chimney sweep. Perhaps I should write a chimney sweep song – although it has already been done. Do we really need more than one?) Anyway … It was the week after south-by-south-shimmydowntha’drainpipe … so what did I expect?

Well, my engineer (I know, that sounds really possessive - but it has to feel like he is or it doesn’t work) … he’s a GENIUS … is as picky as I am about absolutely everything … also seems to dislike when dj-s butcher Violent Femmes songs … and has an engineering (and personal) background that is going to make what I have to do very interesting. I’m very excited.

I just have to figure out my money situation. I have the money for the recording. But the problem is – the marimba. I decided to use most of our “standing around money” (i.e. – our music money) for paying debt (I hate paying interest). So now I have to convince everyone in my house to eat ramen (because we’re probably not going to stop smoking fine cigars …) so that I can bulk back up. Or maybe I just can’t have it both ways. I guess we’ll just have to see – because I’d also like the husband to be able to buy some uber-camera. We’ll just have to see if Mr. Bush sends us our money – and if that helps.

I have more funny stuff to write about – but I’ll have to save it. I have to frantically write out LISTS, LISTS, and more LISTS! Much to do from now ’till then! AGGGH!