Sanity. Because somebody has to do it.

1. I am considering a return to sanity. I was thinking about just letting it all go, and drooling on myself. But I’m not going to.
2. I’m going to spend the next hour doing something I want to do.
3. Then I’m going to do some list making.
4. I will then FINISH a project. This will be finished tonight.
5. I will then FINISH writing a song.
6. I will probably figure out what to do about that song at that point. I will implement that plan tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I’m going to deal with Nur Ein and what will maybe be loose ends of my project. I hope, no. I hope it will be done when I’m done. A decisive finish that is good and clean and acceptable. I can hear it in my head. I hope it is awesome. God, I hope it is awesome.

After that, I have some rehearsals to prepare for. I can’t afford to suck on these Monday rehearsals. I also have to forward a song that I co-wrote this week to the guy I co-wrote it with. I have to get those tracks down for that so that we can have a decent demo for it. I have to learn 6 songs for one rehearsal and I don’t know how many for the other one. But I know they have at least 13 on the set-list. I also need to nail down my set list for Tuesday, and figure out if I’m going to cast.

I feel like in all of this I’ve completely forgotten that I have a solo thing that *I* wanted to do. Eventually, I’d like to book some shows.

I feel like I’m making a list now. I feel like I need a vacation. Or a nap …..

I don’t even want to talk about the state my house is in!

Stranded 2

Now that I have established that I love myself, I’m going to go ahead and say that

I LOVE NUR EIN … and I LOVE THESE PEOPE and I think I’m going to have a REALLY good time if I can pull myself together enough to really participate. Most of this has been due to distractions and my schedule. This week I wrote what could be a really good song with some awesome angsty emotions behind it which I re-channeled into a fun little -fantasystoryconcept which was a great job. But I’m going to give a critique now. But first, a list.

1. The previous entry was written so that I could continue to insult myself in freedom and impunity like any other good american. (tongue-in-cheek)
2. The previous link I gave for my nur ein stuff wasn’t right. Here is the proper link for the blog entry
3. By the way … what I am hearing is that most of the folks REALLY know how to set up a mix. So I’m going to learn a LOT from this, which I am SUPER stoked about. There was a lot of really good song-training and deadline and networking stuff in Fu/TMA … but I think I’m going to get REALLY on the ball from these Song Fight/Nur Ein folks.
4. In closing of list 1, it is REALLY tough to FULLY enjoy these when some fool is cutting down trees with a power saw outside of the LOUDEST STUDIO IN AUSTIN and there is some weird-assed bird CAW-CAWing outside my window. *sheesh*

So, without further ado:

A LIST OF IMPROVEMENTS WHICH COULD AND MIGHT-SHOULD (later) BE MADE TO ‘STRANDED’ (my nur ein round 1 tune)
1. I need to recut the vocal track using a frickkin pop filter.
2. I need to take the time to design a REALLY good eq for myself for different situations
3. Same goes for different reverbs.
4. I could have spent more time on the pianos
5. I went a little over the top on the accessory keyboards
6. The lyrics were a bit all over the place. I think this would have been tightened up with another take. In the absence of that, I could have run the pitch things on the tips of some of the words and it woulda been fine – sounding more deliberate. This happened in my SongFu 6/Round 1 song ‘Rain‘ a little bit, which was a similar sort of song.
7. My piano chords were good though, so it would have benefitted from being played more smoothly. There were some jumpy transitions in the chorus, which I repeated thankfully from chorus-to-chorus. At least I sounded like I meant to do it that way.
8. The structure is a bit arbitrary, but I made it work.
9. I’m not really singing to the best of my ability, and am a bit warbly. I dunno. I wasn’t comfy with my voice that day. I haven’t been feeling the sexy lately … I’ll get it back sometime soon – you mark my words

QUOTES FROM FAVORITE LYRICS THUSLY FAR (the ones that spring to mind, from Billy’s Little Trip)
“Give me peace love and rock
sex love and BBQ …
I’m just a simple guy
….
I’m stranded
trying to swim back to shore while caught in the undertow”

Stranded

This is my LAST MINUTE Nur Ein entry. The challenge was ‘Whispering,’ which I did … plus I mentioned whispering as well. The title was Stranded. I wrote it about being left at a space station by some jerk.

*sheesh*

It’s at the Nur Ein, website and I’m DJ Ranger Den.

STRANDED

Slide over here
you look like not going anywhere for a while
It’s an understatement that it’s cold in space
Besides your smile reminds me of the way
he used to smile
at me

You know I stare at the stars to pass the time
I try to hitch rides
Maybe work my way back to earth to
divert the attention from the situation of mine
I bide my time, station-side
well I need a little distraction
From this heartbreak, plan my revenge games
let me whisper a little irony in your ear

CH

I’m stranded / you left me stranded
All alone at the edge of space and disaster
you severed the wormhole that tied us together
put so many lightyears between you and me and forever
Now I’m stranded … I’m stranded in time
… and space
and time

Remember I didn’t even wanna come here
I like the earth on my feet, I like the breeze whispering
I like the water rushing under me
It’s out here that I feel like I’m drowning
In a sea of uncertainty
and I’m not where I want to be

Remember that night, when you lied
were you just passing through while I planning our lives
what’s the hell’s the matter with you?

You know I’ve waited for you … for many triple moons
You don’t even remember what that means, do you?
I wish you could see how it’s been
here at the end of the universe waiting at some restaurant
staring at a check that’s never ever gonna get picked up
while you blast off,
by yourself … with who-knows-what
into oblivion!

CH …
While I’m stranded

Nur Ein

I have made it into Nur Ein. It’s put on by the people over at Song Fight. I’m listening to it right now. The first few songs are already better than mine right now. This doesn’t bode well! The songs are all here

I’ve heard nothing but good production so far. It’s pretty good. I’m really not up to par for this one. I’m glad it’s the first (zero) round because my song is NOT good enough. I’m going to have to bring it next round. I believe that since there are not enough people, I’m going to get through and we all do the One Round.

Admittedly, I think my lyrics were good (or at least indicative of my style), but my delivery and playing and engineering lacked this round. It was basically a glorified improv. Good ideas, but not really real tight. But this contest … I’m COMPLETELY STOKED.

It’s funny, because Spintown (who is awesome) has issue with my lyrics but usually likes things I don’t like so much! I’ll have to keep that in mind when I get to my Travis-oriented things that are on my list of things to do.

I have a rap name too for myself. I picked it out! I’m DJ Ranger Den. The Den thing is sort of my nod to Joe. It’s his name for me. He had a crazy week. So Joe, you can have props in my nickname. There you go!

[ADDENDUM!]

Here are the lyrics to the tune

‘TIME TO PANIC‘

Could there be possibilities
seeded from dualities
sick needs
from lines I read between

You’re not convinced, I see
lick fingers one two three four five
quick tricky fight to stay alive
spin destiny real tightly

CH
Wrath and sloth and pride and greed
and lust and envy, gluttony
Up down, in out / and sideways, manic
tie me up and there’s no time
to panic

baptisms in infamy
won’t make this broken mirror lucky
so lead me up the stairway
to your eight nine then eleven twelve thirteen

i fall dangerously and need
your deadly sins all over me
be the one who’s down below
the angel of the 66th row

add three, I don’t care
make it make-believe I’m still there
practice underwater breathing
wear your heart upon my sleeve

CH/BR
crunch time, time to cut the wire
chaos suicide it’s blastoff time
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
ground zero blast off time
no panic time the games not mine
five four three two one and now
ground zero / you’re down below

CH

veryveryalone-stuff.

I am about to clean my house and cut a song. I will be doing both these things at the same time. It is like a cathartic thing. The song needs to be done by tomorrow. I am hoping to have things substantially nice around here by the time we go out of town. We’re going to a major cigar event and I’d like to have my other blog out of obscurity and up and running, as well as the twittering I never really do from my cigar-related place. That’s a part of my life I haven’t been able to relax into, and it feeds a social part of me that I’ve really been ignoring. The going to Ruta Maya/Habana House part and writing a review. I used to multi-task a lot better than this. I used to not be so bogged down in work that I couldn’t really follow through on and finish.

It’s all about lists, I think. And mine has gotten away from me too fast, and too big. I want to do everything, and in order to do that, you need a lot of help. I am not a big enough person to tackle all of that in the right order; to know how to do it. So I need to stick to my original plan, and remember why I do the things I do in the first place. Luckily I am a pack rat, and I remember exactly where I put the last bookmark. It’s like I imagine a sewing or knitting mistake to be. Unravelling something. I don’t really know, but it seems both tedious and rewarding at the same go. It’s conducive to getting me back into being happy alone and oblivious.

Any interest I got from people (small though it was) really shocked the hell out of me. It’s shocked me both online and locally with people who become my friends. I don’t do compliments well, although I crave them as I crave love and attention (even though I fear it and need my solitude). If I could shield myself from all people somehow (AND still get the exposure needed to grow a profitable music career that would sustain me and my family + allow me to practice and create + be desirable as a collaborator); if I could be veryAlone and not get lonely … if I could pick and choose my times and not alienate …

well, that would be selfish, wouldn’t it? Yes. Selfish. But I am a selfish creature. I love the humans but I do not play well with them and I like my cave and I sit in it and I want to be veryvery alone. But it’s LONELY there. So I am always Not Okay. Unless I am at the piano. Then I do not think of anything. Everything dissipates. And my attention is caught again if something is shined at me (usually a discussion of something I love. like a piano. or something related to this thing I love).

I think about this online endeavour and my goals for it. I never do anything without thought for how it fits into what I do musically. I’ve always been goal oriented, I used to be this way about writing, now it’s wrapped up into the both things. But online is awkward for me. I met my husband online, yes, so I’m not incredulous about it.

But it is so much easier to be whoever you want (or not) online. It’s made it easier for me to hide myself away. I can really focus on being the queen-bee of vague. I did it in Song Fu rather well. Song Fu is really a personal story of what I went through physically as a woman, dealing with songwriting challenges and personal feelings about coming out of one mental transition into another. Moving from one group of persons to another. Hopes and dreams and fears and feelings. I put it all on the line. And now it’s time for me to make another “album” of sorts where I start revealing other things. Or maybe mixing the things I reveal with a more streamlined, professional approach into the working process.

We’ll see how that goes. I already know that it sounds very … different in my head and I have already started bringing in characters who are not me to supplement my experiences in the songs. So if you start hearing far-fetched things in my music … now you will know – why.

And at this point, after the rain-stormy horrible-but-wonderful mistakes I made in this me-scented-charade…. why wouldn’t I?

well-enough-the-hell-alone

1. Today is one of those days where I need to learn to leave well enough the hell alone. But I am a Pusher Of It. An Overstater of Facts. A Overapplyer of Icing. A ladel-ler of Gravy. So it’s time to eat dinner before I start over-applying effects to things that need to sit and mellow. Because I do tend to go overboard.
2. Quote of the day: “okay … the harpsichord’s a little hard to CONTROL …”
3. Random selection from ‘Book of Curious Lists’ which my Aunt Mary Ellen gave me as a gift and which will be a sublist

TRUSTWORTHY NAMES FOR A CAMEL
-Edward
-Lefty
-Ricky
-Bud
-Achmed
-McGee
-Thursday
-Shuffles
-Zonk
-Tom
-Turtle

I can’t really think of any more. Those are all my good camel names.

4. Practicing is not great today. I’m not at the point where I’m doing what I think of as “applied, focused practice.” But I did make a video for my friend Heather from TMA. It’s a REALLY stupid video though. While I was looking at the stupid video, I found other stupid videos on my camera. They distracted me from other stuff I really need to get cracking on. I wonder why I am SO easily distracted!
5. I really need to get cleaned up and out of here!
6. I think I’m in a bit of a weird mix-y-upp-y depression, but I’m not real sure.
7. I’ve been reading about Nur Ein. But the deadline is in a couple of days and I have other more important things I have to hit. And I have to hit them WELL. Which is why I’m going to get a sandwich. Sandwiches provide perspective. Paricularly if they are made from cheese and cucumbers and tomatoes and they come with salsa and chips and you get a kombucha tea as well. YUMMMMM. Garden District I LOVE IT!!!!!
8. I need to get more Ramen for my house so that I neverever have to leave not even for tacos. Of course, if I buy some avocados and cheese and beans and rice and I could probably stay here. And a tomato or something too. and cilantro. Of course tortillas as well …
9. The other list was about taxidermy, but I chose camels, because it is Wednesday. Maybe tomorrow can be ‘Taxidermy Thursday.’
10. I’m thinking about starting a webcast. Like a talk-show thing. Like in the early evenings. I’m not sure though. I may tape it. I’d definately play new songs. It would make me write a song every week. Maybe more than one. I would probably write a song FOR the cast. And I’d have guests on the show, I think.