1. I haven’t been well. I had to go to the hospital last night for chest pains and this was NOT a good time for that because I am in the middle of some C R A Z Y interpersonal crap right now that is dramatic-only-to-me. One of those situations where something is waaaaaay more significant to you (who is me) because inside your (who is my) skull you (etc) are the goddess of your (zzzz) own little universe. Like when The Royal Third-Person-in-this has a crush on a celebrity and sees they died on-screen or they’re having a perfect child with a gorgeous model or something. They Royal Me’s clock is t-i-c-k-i-n-g and so All-of-the-Us-es go home and eat all of the chocolate in the entire univers….
2. ker-SCHMACK! AHEM!
3. well. That was very unhealthy, wasn’t it. Anyway. Femme-femme-la-dramatics wasn’t why I was in the hospital.
4. My breath could really, really improve. I think I should floss more. I have become a really unsexy creature.
5. $hi! don’t judge me! It’s not like I NEVER floss or take showers! GAH! I just need to get my priorities straight. The other evening I noticed that I had a gnat encircling my head, like Pigpen on the Peanuts cartoons. I thought daaaaaamn girl…. you have REALLY let yourself go………. it was like that time in college when I let my trunk rot out because I was depressed and couldn’t be bothered to take whatever died out of it. That, is depression. The inability to lift the fork up to your mouth that has the food on it and starving to death. Everyone calls your Death By Apathy a suicide and doesn’t call it depression and mention starvation. They think how could she!? Didn’t she know people cared?!? What about GOD!?!?!?
6. My chest hurts. Anyway. That’s why I was in the hospital. I thought that I was having a heart attack. I was in a great mood, but I had stayed up all night writing and doing work and was in a good mood and had written emails and hit “send” on the last one I wrote which was nice and then my chest ripped in half. I knew it was not just something dumb so I woke Mike up and said “we need to go now.”
7. I ended up thinking it was something gastronomical but I didn’t want to be the girl who went home after thinking it was just something flurpy and then dies in her sleep. They laughed when I said that. So now I have to go to a cardiologist. I’m one-upping this. I’m going back to martial arts. Because exercise is boring unless it’s hard core(ing).
8. I could really, really, REALLY use a time machine. I think the time machine should go to the person who doesn’t need it though, really. Because I’d probably just screw up again, but in the past.
9. The mosquitoes are out of control. Also I think I avoid things sometimes when I don’t know what to do about stuff.