EXCUSES WITH FRIENDS

I am behind in words with friends. This is because I am compiling a Dictionary of Unfairness. This is being posted here, and was also posted on my page at Facebook. not on my “official Facebook page,” which is sort of a shame, or even on my blog Facebook page, which honestly I don’t really know why I have one. I feel like I should produce Original Content for that, but the thought of this makes my earlobes wobble.

It doesn’t. But you believed me for a second….

Anyway… I’m sorry if you have to read this twice. Except, on reflection, I’m not really; I went back and rewrote this introduction so you the reader would know that I do very much Care. Also, I think reading a dictionary will do you a heap of good. It’s time to learn, goblins.
(I called y’all goblins on spacehook too – if there’s any Y’all here…)

WORDS WITH FRIENDS, UNFAIRNESS-ED they TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE COUNTED and WOULD HAVE on XONDOR my HOME PLANET.
(not necessecelery in order, because it doesn’t “go” as well that way.)

Adaht
similar to the tango

Heisune
phase of moon

Hemoni
a forest of mean, mean trees with bad attitudes.

Teele
one of the smaller units of Xondorian currency

Thule
a tool similar to a hammer and a chisel

Eleth
a tool often used in combination with the Thule.

Tuleh
a Courtship dance

Ethele
a non-reactive, and indeed, tasty and nutritious chemical compound native to Xondor which tastes of butter and chocolate. It nonetheless becomes flammable when combined with the milk of Earthling cows.

Leethe
A native Xondorian biped resembling a lavender colored ostrich with spindly legs and Rather Flat feet. With a long Slender neck like a giraffe and long floppy ears.

Leethi
The plural form of Leethe

Apa
a small colorful bird about the size of a cherry that lives symbiotically on the lush fur of the Leeth.

Peuma
How you bid farewell to a gambler who has won the Center Sweep. Never while either party’s back is turned.

Eomen
a guild of clairvoyant magic sages and tellers of fortunes making their home in and around the Squirkesian wetlands in strange, difficult to find houses.

Mapol
The proper term for a grouping of leethi
as in
… ‘a Mapol of Leethi migrating through the Great Hemoni during Second Triple Heisune is considered an auspicious sign by the Eomen.’

vonc
a light swear word, often used as a replacement for other more vulgar terms.

smoat
my husband says this is a carbohydrate attack. I think that’s a stretch

nohovump
when something is really quite a stretch

zive
a Baroque danse similar to the Sarabande, except that one can moonwalk to it.

epemey
the amused, yet mildly agitated apathy preceding feelings of truly affronted and pre-revolutionary Vigor and Zeal.

ps. I’m thinking of doing something with my notes, and perhaps even all these lists. we may discuss this, you (my adorking public) and I, (who am me (WHAT?!?)) on this here blogittyblogMCblogaDongaDingDong.

#putmeoutofmymisery.

Overlord-in-Training

1. interesting discussion on Facebook about how the gentle manipulation of humans may be a positive thing…hmmm. I will get back to you on this.
2. I have two tasks to complete. Then there will be NO EXCUSE not to move on to the FINAL FRONTIERS of ROOM CLEANSING and COMPUTER DOMINATION…
3. my bathroom is atrocious. I’m seriously from a poisonous species. You do not want to know me. No. Get out. I am serious. It’s better this way……(cue sadViolins)
4. I’m thinking of avoiding the Internet but that actually feels ill-advised and irresponsible. Addictive Internet behavior and compulsive negativity does not mean one needs to quit blogging and withdraw one’s President-ence. I just need to go back to the practicing.
5. I have a thought that I might like to bake this weekend, so that Cake-like-Birthday-product may be had. Also Birthday boy (birthdays last a week!) will get to pick his dessert..
6. We are going on a barbecue trip tomorrow (Saturday). We’ll most likely make a video as well we haven’t done that in forever. I know I keep saying that, but No! I mean it!, and it is True! …you mark my words … you mark my words …
7. I will now take a short pause to rub my hands together nefariously. I will take a photograph of myself doing so, ever mindful of the fact that on Twitter we are talking mildly about Narcisstic ReTweeting. When I am Queen, we shall retweet EVERYTHING I decree. Even my BLINKING shall be reTWEETABLE.
8. Calm down. OMG…I’m totally KIDDING. I have no idea what kind of mood I’m in …but NO…everytime I type something into Twit-deck, I do NOT require an advertisement for a magic iPhizzle. No THANK you, green-egg-icon-space-bot. Gettenzie-a-life!!!!!
Here is my Fetching Series of Photographs, oh People of the Screen….gaze and B A-Mazed.

(Really, I just end up laughing at my own stupidity at the end, as my Hatched Plan does not come to Fruition.)

[LATER EDIT.... did I spell "narcisscisstictytic wrong? Probobably. Oh whale. This is the way the detergent gets in our cherry soda. Flarg.]

spring cleaning: pt2

1. rain. irony.
2. define irony. I myself am too busy working. I own 2-3 early Alanis albums and read the Oatmeal so keep that in mind. or, you know. don’t.
3. GAH, I hate the cold. Captain Suck-It has gleeked upon my sundress.
4. It’s time for French toast. It’s not made by the French, it’s made on Large Bread from Texas and is delicious.
5. I’m craving seafood tonight and I want it in the form of tacos.

A Factual Picture of the here-sitch-now-itch.

1. lists have become popular and i am constantly comparing myself to other people. I read that such behavior is not what happy people do in a recent article posted by some extremely useful Twitter friends of mine that I haven’t met yet but who are on Austin bumper stickers Famously everywhere and generously and positively #follow-Friday lots of people. This makes me realize that I am comparing myself to happy people. I Cannot Win.
2. Everything I do right now feels trite and boring.
3. I am the acne monster from the Hormonal Lagoon. I cannot be looked upon. I am hideous. I should write a cute song about myself and sing it in a Texas accent to the French people and perhaps I will make it big on French radio. Or does it work the other way around? I don’t think it does unless I sing in French.
4. I’ll get right on that. I’m sure I can just go learn some French in a jiffy. Perhaps one of my alert readers (nod to the immortal Dave Barry) can put this for me into a Cute Song:

“My god, I am covered in acne!
Disgusting hormonal abberation which I have become
You will not look at me
or talk to me
I should not be talking to you anyway
I am a vampire
You are a donut
I am a werewolf
You are a shark
I am a shopping cart
You are a tree
I am the ocean
You are a pair of broken spectacles
I don’t like to fish
You watch movies about angry bears.
I got a telegram the other day
It said you were angry. It was not from you. But I find
I do not care. I do not care. I do not care.”

5. I somehow just KNOW that this translates into something Meaningful and Profound. I will sing it whilst smoking, and wearing a beret and stripes. They will Not chase me out of the country after I have arrived in Paris, but will Get It, and bring me orange soda. I don’t know if that is a thing over there, but I am out of my Jarritos Mexican coke which is Tamarind flavored and I find that I either want something Strawberry flavored or orange or a Mountain Dew or something.

6. I would eat a three musketeers bar if one came and tapped me on the shoulder.

7. I’m so oily right now it’s not EVEN funny!

i’m a loser baby, so why don’tcha kill me…

when you are a weak person in many ways, what do you do?

what do you do when you are easily distracted, when you have problems and there are things that get to you? when you can’t handle your anger and you are so consumed sometimes that you can’t really solve your problems and are distracted from what you have to do?

in my experience, denying the problem and trying to live with it in a calm fashion as though it does not exist doesn’t really help. reducing a mountain down to a small dot is not really possible. it is not possible to play hopscotch over Mount Everest.

It is possible, however, to move back home and admit that you are not a mountain climber and that it is more appropriate to play hopscotch on your driveway. It’s easier to navigate a bit of a slope, or a flat surface if you have grown up and moved away from your childhood home in this ridiculous metaphor.

It’s important to know that you don’t really have a duty to anyone but yourself. In a way, you almost don’t really have a duty to your family – no, not even your children. Your duty to your children is to remain sane for them so if they drive you crazy figure out what to do within your limitations so that you can be there for them in the way that is appropriate for your situation. I had a discussion with a good mom once and that was the conclusion that was arrived at. I’m not a mom – so that sounded good to me. It seemed like an appropriate way to apply boundaries.

If you’re a weak-boundaried person, perhaps you are NOT weak. Maybe it’s like a muscle. Maybe you shouldn’t be tasked to carry such a heavy load. Maybe it’s not really your problem. Maybe you should only ask yourself to deal with what you can deal with at the time you can deal with it.

I myself think that I have been dealing, emotionally, with too much. I have been taking on responsibilities, emotionally, that are not mine. I have been adopting roles that I should not have to play. I have not been enjoying liberties that I should get to indulge in. I often suffer in secret silence. I do not talk about being sick very much, and take time to myself to heal. I do not discuss rejection, because I am too proud. I suffer the proximity of those who have hurt me, and I have done this all my life. I should be allowed to apply distance and not have to show up when I think that doing so would shame me.

I’d like to hear an honest speech of defeat, and if I were a politician, I would give one. I don’t know what I would call my political party – and that is a subject for a far denser blog anyhow that I’m going to have to grow a different Sort of Courage to write; which will take time – but the tone of my speech would contain:

1. I worked REALLY hard to get here and I sunk ALL my hopes into this race.
2. I have very little agreement with my opponent and am feeling pretty jealous and bitter right now. Giving this speech is hard and it’s hard not to cry. I’ll do all I can to help, of course, and I will be as nice as pie and try to be gracious – but damn! I’d like to kick the proverbial rock and sure pout a little bit!
3. If at all possible and if I have the strength, I’m going to keep trying to achieve my goals.
4. It sure is embarrassing to lose when you try so hard.
5. All the mean things that people said about me hurt my feelings, because I like validation as much as the next guy. It’s really HARD to turn the other cheek.
6. “huh, huh. I said cheek…hehehehehe” {no, I wouldn’t say that. this is probably why I wouldn’t entertain a career in politics though. i am a child}
7. There’s lots of other stuff I’d probably say about my honest feelings. I’d try to put myself in the best light possible of course, but I might be honest about needing to get what I want.

Point is, for a while, I’d go away to lick my wounds, and not hang around the white house, or the mansion, or the place of office, or whatever – and torture myself while all the Fun was going down. Because I don’t think I’d be able to plan my next attack very effectively.

That’s just really not how I roll. I’m quite the sore loser.

Kick a rock.

BORRRINGGGG….

1. I’m headachy this morning
2. I have a lot to do that is really BORING!
3. doing the same thing over and over again for like years is the definition of insanity.
4. I will be OHSOGLAD when my computer gets here!
5. I need to PRACTICE!!!!!!!
6. instead I will be cleaning

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Another cool Find

We have been cleaning our rooms and packing. Mike found in his room.

- The coolest pen of all time
-My watch which has been lost for like THREE YEARS
- the necklace I’m wearing
Another few things
-a postcard of Donald Roller Wilson‘s Mrs. Jenkin’s Late Night Dinner in Her Room Alone (While Out in the Hall Leading to Her Room, Her Small Friends Were Sleeping)

-some lyrics I wrote in 1997 or 1998:
(I’m slightly embarassed, but I’m going to type them anyway…)

Shimmying down the drainpipe
of your consciousness
Slipping out the back window
of your skewed mentality
Licking shrimp sauce from
the fingers of your innocence
This is a song about me

Well I went back down to
high school last night
Remembering that future
trip across the sea
This ain’t Euro Disney,
an opera, or a roller coaster
And I’m only gonna be what I will be

And I don’t give a rat’s ass
about the government
And they return the sentiment to me
They would illuminatti me
into oblivion
And gladly watch me bleed

a list with some meta

1. I’m slacking off on the blogging. This is because I’m slipping down further and further into a hole of disconnected-ness with the humans.

My-oh-my-oh pie-in-the-sky-o! That was dramatic! Someone give her a jellybean! Or a plastic fish (i have no idea why, i just thought of it.)

I really just think it’s August. At least that’s what I’m hoping. I can honestly say that I am REALLY tired of being LAME…..

2. I’m making another list at the same time over HERE. This is because I am SO DAMN META!!! Yeah. I’m awesome.

3. I thought about trying to write a meta-within-meta list within a list, but my headache briefly worsened. l realized I was just trying to get attention. Ack.
4. I had a connundrum today, but I figured out what I was gonna do, so it’s totally alright.
I’m gonna stick with the plan, and do what I set out to do.
5. I’m not gonna really elaborate, but a watched pot never boils. It’s probably truer than the grass is greener on the other side, or EVEN August is a bad month for me. Suffice it to say, I hate email, I REALLY hate the booking process, and it’s really no wonder I live in a cave and dislike people. Everything is REALLY great until you start ADDING the people.

I think I need to go BACK to Xondor! I get LOTS of work done on Xondor.

6. Weirdly enough, I’m in a good mood.
7. The headache is ALMOST GONE.
8. I cannot eat falafel without getting it ALL over me.
9. I’m going to clean my house. Stop laughing. I don’t care if I have to stay up later to do it.
10. I DID get a tattoo. It’s true.

want vs. need

1. I WANT …
- to stay up late and work
- to practice for several hours all of a sudden
- to put all my v-blogging I’ve done into one cohesive video that answers EVERYONE’S QUESTIONS.

2. I NEED …
- to go to sleep, because I’ve been “under the weather
- to take it slow, during more normal hours, because I haven’t been practicing normally (for Denise)
- to not hit my “vast audience” over the head with massive amounts of back blogging

2. I WANT …
- to MASS APOLOGIZE to certain friends and loved ones and family members with grandiose and overwhelming gestures for my rampant insantiy
- to do things that would frighten the internet were I to even TYPE them!
- to take over the galaxy with sudden energetic awesomeness.
- to book a trillion gigs this very month

3. I NEED …
- to chill the $%*$ out. and communicate. communication is good. yay communication.
- to relax and trust that everything is going to be okay and that I know what I’m doing.
- to drink less coffee in the near future
- to call just a few places and not get all freaky.

4. I should probably make a few reasonable lists.
5. Why yes, I am a list addict. How did You Know?

I feel … CAPITAL!

1. Working. Working in Public is Good. I think I am Growing.
2. Using Capital letters for Important words makes them less Scary
3. I will beat this thing.
4. I have done all the responsible things that I am supposed to do, if not religiously, well then – at least half-assedly. That is Something.
5. It is impossible to be depressed whilst listening to elevator music in a diner-type enviornment eating FANTASTIC French toast.
6. I will return …

… again.

7. *sigh*
8. If I didn’t have lists, I don’t know what I’d do.
9. If I didn’t have y’all, I don’t know what I’d do. If you even hope I might be talking about you, even a little, you are correct
10. These things roll around. I just don’t enjoy them in the meantime.