1. Back away slowly. These are paradoxically both the oddest and most common of earthlings. They may flutter their Pom Poms in your face and begin chanting arbitrarily.
2. Allow them to explain the presence of “toros in the atmosphere.” Remember. A willing suspension of disbelief is key.
3. In more intimate settings, allow them to dominate the conversation.
4. Do NOT make them read beyond a third grade level.
5. DO try to check your ire, and perhaps learn what you can from their strange social practices. [NOTE: Apparently, one must engage in discourse with other humans in order to run the planet.]
6. Easily overpower them with memes and well placed social norms.
7. Set up conventions based around mutually shared areas of interest but hold secret meetings in closed session with discussion of how to take the planet’s power from the Loud and Ignorant.
8. Begin smear campaign based largely in well placed internet promotionals and other materials celebrating the casual quiet superiority of the Introvert; and decrying the drooling common idiocy of all who needily derive power from others to engage pathetically on a social level.
9. Watch society crumble.
10. Drink Jolt cola. Revel in success. Set up detention camps with mandatory times of “Quiet Reflection” and “Thoughtfulness Indoctrination.” Forbid any comparison to Godwin’s Law.
11. Celebrate new found power of introversion and your new dizzying popularity and the Era of the Subjugation of the Extrovert.
12. Organize a series of gladiatorial games to rid the earth of these aberrations once and for all!
13. Purchase Pom Poms.
14. Like … OMG! April Fools! I *totally* tested introvert on my TestyMcThing! Its @suspiciousden’s birthday, crazy-s!!! Get over yourselves!!!
I’m just trying to hang on till International Absentminded Sexy Professor in Latex Day, y’all. Shaaa…