the death throes of the sitch

1. I’m having a hard time with some hard truths. It’s hard not to be sad and my stamina is flagging. In weak moments I am not sure how much more I can take but really I know I can (and likely will) take a lot more and that I am strong and that I will Win. Nobody feels sorry for me and I can survive because I am not afraid of anything.

I know someone who told me once that when they decide something that they are resolute about it and that is just Is… Their feelings cannot be moved.

I heard myself saying things about an old situation last night that I never thought I’d say. I found myself remembering how desperate and humiliated I once was. I can’t afford to be nice about certain situations. And I am a person it is so easy to intimidate. I will back down and cower …

I remember vowing it would never be that way again.

2. truth is buried deep inside of me and I have known this all along. it can’t be learned at the feet of others or be dependent upon their goodwill … it must be breathed through an open soul into the places where love is meant to stay and flourish.

3, peace must be self perpetuating and calm must be accessible at will :)

4. yeah. all this is easy to say when you had a GOOD music reading day and can write. But when you’re alone and no one’s in your corner and you don’t have the strength to finish the stuff you have to finish …

5. only from within can a difference be made, because resistance and new freaky obstacles will never cease…

6. I had a bagel today. then my “friend” ignored me and I threw up. I think that’s a little over the top. :/

7. I find myself thinking about prayer but then thinking that concept is silly? Can you pray if you used your prayer card as currency to gamble at a high stakes dice game that you lost? And you’ve done this twice?
That doesn’t work, does it…

All hopes at professionalism upon my blog have slipped slowly down into the nether regions of Balrog Town, gremlins…

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the death throes of the sitch

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