1. I’m at a party. These people are really neat.
2. I have a gig next month.
3. I have a clear idea of what I want.
4. There have been many wake up calls in the last couple days – but they have all come from very unexpected directions.
5. My gut is always right.
6. I have really nice ankles.
7. I was just told cats don’t text 
As far as Spintunes goes, it was a complete and utter success. .
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
1. I’ve been having a hell of a time.
2. We all cope with…shit…in different ways.
3. When I tried to stand up for women, metaphorically, 1-of-two things would happen. I’d be left standing naked in church all alone
[an aside: my fat ass is NOT going to make any retweets. But Iove it anyway. Sorry fellas]
So I’d be told that, or I’d be told something like “don’t touch the mixer, babe.” metaphorically ..
That’s all that.
4. I just tweeted someone I don’t know based solely on their photo. What the hell? Cheeky today, I am
5. I think I feel better. Yesterday was definitely a bad brain day.
6. Just because you don’t think you can doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.
7. Today I am feeling admiration, shame, thankfulness, productivity, protectiveness, indignation, eyerollishness, ESP, fear, calm, feisty, creative, and like I miss some people a lot.
I have regret. But how can you regret things you don’t know, or understand, or can’t control?
Emo, yes, but smily and in a better mood..
1. Have whacked ankle
2. Have written stellar new piano part
3. Have received 3 wakeup calls
4. Have ventured out several times this week
5. Have submitted 2 songs
6. Have sung lead vocals on 0.
7. Have played substantial parts in both.
8. Have produced, hardly any
9. Monitors up: none
10. Hearing: slightly damaged
11. Outlook: cynical
12. appetite: poor
13. habits: bad
14. intellect: shoddy
15. appearance: rather hot lately
16. humor: mild, with a southeast wind blowing in from Sarcaslavania
17. House: in disarray
18. Collaboration: strong and maturing nicely
19. feeling about appearance of collaboration: paranoid
20. appearance of collaborations: who cares?
21. all work, including solo stuff: hopelessly behind
22. Alienation-y behavior:
unfortunate, high, specific, and upsetting. Cryptic me.
23. deadline: fast approaching
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I think that it is only the mentally ill who can:
1. have a new, phantom embarrassing disease every week that is embarrassing and stupid.
2. see significance and pattern in places where there is indeed significance and pattern but NO ONE else sees it, and so doomed-yes-doomed are you
3. alienate at 5 paces
4. offer up their identities, neatly packaged, to be taken and mishandled.
5. have 23 heartbreaks a day.
6. not own their spaces due to their discomfort within them
7. invite others inside those spaces for psychic rape and pillage.. and burning
8. forget how to call the mothership because trusting the humans has made you weak, soft, and stupid.
Ground control to Major Tom..
Cadet IG in the house. I need a ride back to Xondor please. Back to practice. Yes, those are my hammers I hear calling. I know because I made them.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
The Australian was stressed yesterday.
It was odd. We were supposed to spend the evening together. But he seriously seemed a bit pained at the thought of having to talk about anything. He seemed relieved when I asked if I could stay upstairs and finish a little something that I had going on. So I did that, and he was downstairs watching television.
I have a group of online music friends, and so when it was finally time to hang out on the back porch and kick back.. he was on his phone. So I just popped onto the chat. Soon I was back inside and he stayed outside reading and having his cigar.
He came back inside and fell asleep on the couch!
I felt like we didn’t have any time together. But he said the he “felt my presence.”
I felt like a bad wife who spends no time with her husband. I guess I just don’t get it. Or maybe I am going through something. Randall was out and so the family feeling I had become accustomed to was … off. And I have been living in my cave almost full time, even though it is very messy.
Maybe it is a tough adjustment into the shared household and I am not used to the shared time vibe and wonder what my responsibilities are.
Maybe I am the one acting curiously. Hmmm. If everyone else is comfortable, perhaps I should chill out…
Last night I dreamed I was singing a song about whales. I was excited because I was in a jazz trio. But we were gonna go experimental in the bridge.
I’d decided I was going to make whale noises and play the piano. It was a decision I was proud of and had worked on even though it sounds weird. I wanted to do like a jazz version of what Ozzy’s band did in ‘No More Tears.’
When I tried to do it it was beautiful and it sounded like this piece that I am working on right now that has an orchestra of individual string parts. I’m using a cover to build up the parts.
There was someone I knew up in the light booth helping and he was doing amazing things with the lights.
Some of what happened next is private, and a little tmi. It’s not gross or anything. It would just be over-sharing, and maybe breaking confidences.
What came out of it though was an ampersand brand stamped on my left back shoulder and being dragged off the stage. I heard a sound of someone being stabbed in the booth (not the movie sound, but the way a blade into somebody forcibly might sound in real life)…
I was tied and made to sit in the corner. There are these flowers that look like sunflowers that aren’t (they’re red). We saw them go by on the side of a truck the other day (in real life) and Mike told me what they were. I can’t remember.
I was made to hold about seven or eight of them in my mouth. I could hardly breathe.
In the end, my chair fell over. My bonds were loose. A faceless guy who had to guard me was sleeping so I scootched away to a door. It had a mic cable running underneath it. The door had a scary picture on it though so I didn’t want to go in.
I opened the door anyway and there was a bathtub in a forest. My microphone was there and my pillow I sleep in with my nightshirt next to it.
In the dream I made myself wake up because I felt like someone Very Dangerous was behind me.
I don’t normally dream this vividly with such specific detail remembered.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
How to write my life…
I live inside my head. I live in a safe box with latches and comfort and stuff. I worked hard to build it up and hard to get where I am.
I fly internationally a bit in my life, from time to time. When you sit on a plane, particularly when you have to travel by yourself- when you’re traveling such a long way you get airplane head. A kind of stuffy in-the-ears feeling that has you tearing up behind the eyes and shaking and crazy. You feel desperate and small and sudden because of the time shifts. Particularly if they are very large.
This is probably why my concept of home is so very firm. I need a base. I need safety and a pillow to cuddle around. A truth to latch to. I don’t like to be adrift.
There’s been a lot of a-drifting, for me.
I almost got into a car accident today, which I’m sure doesn’t come as a huge surprise. So I’m sitting in a parking lot with the kind of dead calm you have when there’s been too much and a relative has died.
I feel very close to the way I felt when my mom died.
None of this makes any sense I am sure. Huge life changing personality change-level upheavals rarely do. But I don’t have a homeland now.
No ones really from anywhere I s’pose.
What I do have, I am keeping. Hopefully it will stay gold and fast and beautiful and all true – each homebasething I have come to rely on in its different way.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
1. addicted to blogging
2. really hard day
3. paranoid and sad
4. sick and worried and thinking about the past
5. afraid of losing everything that I love and have worked really hard for in life
6. freaked out and disorganized
7. really don’t know why I smell like a pickle
8. neck hurts
9. sound like Old Lady
10. cannot Play Piano or Guitar
11. have Cute Hair Accessories.
12. am losing lots of weight, but FOR WHAT??? for WHAT????
13. Am a texas chick musician who does not like to leave the house.
14. feels more and more like a very NON-FAMOUS MegWhite every day, with less rhythm, a larger ass, more grey hair, less sex appeal, not one-tenth the clout of.
15. a man, a plan, a canal. Panama.
16. I told my husband I was coming down ages ago
17. I think I have ocd.
18. have flung phone into keyboard
19. Randall can fix it
20. keep public tweeting when I mean to DM! ack….
I just wrote another set of lyrics, and I really wanna work on this song before I do anything else.
The piano part flooded into my head, fully formed, like destiny. I was out at dinner with my family.
I am very excited about this one. It’s actually going to be double meaning layered- which I love, and a continuation of something of mine, which is fitting.
I feel like I’m coming back to me a little bit, which is good. A piano is a safe place. It’s a place of firm landings and sturdy chords and solidity. You may build something on it which has structure. Something of your own which is indisputable.
I’ll probably leave this here as an update because this will be a very isolate-y week for me. That is my plan. I will take a page from Heather’s book.
Morning pages put you in a community of your own mind – and pull you out of a very lonely stagnant night.
And I am very sensitive to artistic annihilation when I am trying to make something beautiful.
This is a special song for me this time and I can’t afford to get distracted or psyched out. I have to have quiet and I need to be where there are beautiful things. There needs to be love and safety all around and this one Cannot go Horribly Wrong.
I have plans for it
I have a tattoo. It’s from the Hagakure, Book of the Samurai. I have never read it, it’s like a code of conduct. As well as 23, I like 9s, and the number 5.
It was my friend Jay who suggested the Tat. Jay is always trying to better himself as well.
Jay reads a lot. He always has. I used to also read a lot.
I don’t know the last time that it was I finished a book. It’s gotten worse than that. I’m having trouble staying on point and completing tasks. I flit aimlessly about from project to project, losing focus. This really isn’t like me… I was someone who was verydriven. I had a tunnel vision ethic about practice.
I practiced today and it felt really good. Practicing ALWAYS feels good, but the practicing thing hasn’t gotten to REALLY take hold of me in a meaningful way because I’m in a place now where it’s not feasible for me to do what I have always done. This is to practice whenever I want to. I can’t do that anymore. And I used to be able to.
I have been running to the piano at every precious opportunity. I am putting together sets. Right now I’m doing it in a desperate way. I’m multiple tasking and learning music that I can also film for videos. At some point I’ll learn covers that will work with videos, that can be played solo, that can bedone by Duality, and that maybe are public domain if we are lucky.
I need to write a story of a song. But I’m just SO tired right now!
Here’s what I have to focus on. Its just five things
1. Piano Practice
2. Making lists
3. Doing morning pages, which I’ve talked about with my friend Heather. I will explain all of this and also link her tomorrow. She’s Lyrical Venus from the radio and the contest and stuff.
4. Keep my folders and computer in ORDER!!
5. get enough food and sleep.
That’s it. That’s all I have to do. If I do all that, everything else will fall into place. Everything else can come or go and I will learn to take life as it dishes itself out to me. If I have a firm foundation though and a firm backbone, I cam do ANYTHING!
and all I have to do is count the birds on my wrist.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
