Dishes!

I follow @JustHeather on Twitter. She’s cool.
She’s Spencer‘s wife who is one of the motley crew over doing Our Little Thang At That Place.

She posted something funny about her kids washing dishes and it reminded me of this poem…

How Not To Have To Dry the Dishes
By Shel Silverstein

If you have to dry the dishes
(Such an awful, boring chore)
If you have to dry the dishes
(‘Stead of going to the store)
If you have to dry the dishes
And you drop one on the floor—
Maybe they won’t let you
Dry the dishes anymore.

(I’ll find more links when I quit sweatin’!)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Another cool Find

We have been cleaning our rooms and packing. Mike found in his room.

- The coolest pen of all time
-My watch which has been lost for like THREE YEARS
- the necklace I’m wearing
Another few things
-a postcard of Donald Roller Wilson‘s Mrs. Jenkin’s Late Night Dinner in Her Room Alone (While Out in the Hall Leading to Her Room, Her Small Friends Were Sleeping)

-some lyrics I wrote in 1997 or 1998:
(I’m slightly embarassed, but I’m going to type them anyway…)

Shimmying down the drainpipe
of your consciousness
Slipping out the back window
of your skewed mentality
Licking shrimp sauce from
the fingers of your innocence
This is a song about me

Well I went back down to
high school last night
Remembering that future
trip across the sea
This ain’t Euro Disney,
an opera, or a roller coaster
And I’m only gonna be what I will be

And I don’t give a rat’s ass
about the government
And they return the sentiment to me
They would illuminatti me
into oblivion
And gladly watch me bleed

short sarcastic poetry break

I’m in the middle of a long, tiring posting. I thought I’d post a poem I may have posted before. This is because friend and fellow Austinite Brett Randell posted a nice poem that was wistful and image filled and sad. It reminded me of moving and leaving things behind and almost-cryings.

But this is the poem I feel like today. Because I am angry and pissy and creeped out and viscious. Perhaps it is because I am moving and there is still so much to pack. I don’t know. Maybe I still have a lot of practicing to do. I have a LOT to do. But maybe it is because I see so much STUFF that just …
… bothers me and I just don’t… SAY … anything.

Who knows these things.

Poem->

So you are sarcastic -
clever… 
I applaud, for never since
the dawn of time
has anyone accomplished this;
this subtlety!

Perhaps one day you will be asked to host your
own sardonic version of what 
nights like this should be!

Your tone suggests a firm hand,
it suggests that
we would not go gently  

(and my friends
just occasionally
wonder why
I hold my mystic cards of rhyme
So close beside
My own Vest.)

Incidentally with some restraint 
I write of this …
and other small
artistic humiliations
but I hesitate to share them… 

I cringe! I have already penned
your scathing crisp lampoon of me!
It is a pretest I have taken..
failed abyssmally.
This exam of twists,
of course it leaves me shaken
I’m an offering of unwanted mincemeat now
at the great bright vegetarian buffet
you have created  

1. The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. And this has two meanings.
2. If you’re a wise goblin, and you fear a Thing because it threatens you, your best bet is to define it to be a thing of little significance.
3. Procrastination happens because sometimes there is progress to be gained at the end of a journey.
4. Solitude is frightening because it gives one too much time to think.
5. The need to be included is time consuming and distracting. It is also paradoxically stench inducing. There is nothing as intoxicating as the sweet scent of not giving a rat’s ass.
5. Diet coke is the nectar of the gods. Everyone is sucking on the tailpipe of something. You may as well judge me for this. If you say you’re not inclined to judge me, sit tight, I’m sure we’ll figure something out.

I’m a sillystraw that can’t seem to act right or please people even though pleasing people is my MO. So you rest assured, I’m doing SOMETHING you don’t approve of…

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

DON’T SAY UM

That was a scary time! I think I pulled it off though… That’s what I was told. It’s certainly going farther and wider than I’ve been before! Eek!

This is the rest of Bluebeard, so you can actually hear about Joe, who I was talking about a bit. I’ve been working a lot on his material.

I did mention John who I play with, because we’re in prep for recording his album.

I did not mention that I am practicing for a new band I am in. I will start playing with them when I’ve rehearsed a bit and learned some music.

I mostly just talked about stuff that pertained to me and was special about how I got started and how I am continuing on now. I probably would have talked more about Spintunes if I’d been interviewed earlier in the month. I should have congratulated Kevin, particularly after the nice things that he said about me in his blog … but I am a prize idiot-dolty Mcfreak with a TapeWorm living in me. The tapeworm has a twitter account, although it has been silent for quite some time. Which is good. It swears.

I didn’t really want to go into the massive denFAIL though and talk about Flextime (caution: RACY!) and the ups and downs of songcontests and my artistic over-reactions to reviews in the writing process and all that. That’s a Story of a Song (edric does these really well and I think he started these, some of his are here).

I react to reviews as information about how the public would react to a song I write, and adjust accordingly. I over-adjusted this time and I think I went overboard with ‘Flex Time’ based on an ‘Invisible Girl‘ review. Or maybe I am just not everyone’s cuppa tea. That’s always a possibility.

I shouldn’t call it a denFAIL either, because people that are awesome got knocked out in round two just like I did. Heather of Lyrical Venus who just interviewed me wrote my favorite song of the third round. Hers was a shadow. I can’t remember if she got knocked out of play like I did, because I was too busy feeling like the bottom of a fifth.

I’m really glad I got the remaster of ‘Duality Cupcake’ in for her to play though. I really am addicted to these contests. I wonder how much I offended people, talking about addiction. Who knows these things. I am though, there’s truth to it. I really do write an alarming amount of songs each round and I really do get REALLY fixated on each activity. I wrote a blog about practice once.

Anyway, I’ll be putting Cupcake (Joe maintains that the title is “Why”!) up later. I haven’t decided if I want to work on it more. I re-recorded the vocals for ‘Stranded‘ (a Nur Ein entry), yesterday and I hate them! So it’s a slippery slope. Maybe I need to do a full re-work-up (also a slipperyslope)

I definately would have talked more about ‘Liberty: Wish You Were Here‘ because that is a killer collab and one of the most complex things I’ve done with a person. If I could go back and remember ANYTHING, up there with forgetting to talk about pertinent family things, I didn’t mention knowing Dave Leigh. Dave is in a pretty efficient and seasoned songwriting team and went up in the final round of six. He’ll judge in a contest at some point. We still need to make a video for our tune. Dave is good at just spittin out the videos. Dave has been very personally supportive as well.

I sorta wanted to talk about songfight and didn’t (nobody ever talks about fight club either). I was thinking about it and sent my song into the show, but mostly we ran out of time. Now we’ll all just have to wait like everyone else.

That’s why I’m not talking about Travis Norris. I will also leave the watermelon alone. Because I suck.

I also suck at going to the post office, and I’m sorry. I’m going this week. I am SO lame. And at a lot of things that should be priorities but have become -notpriorities. I’m not good at that.

I’m not meant to be “pimpin’” songfight, so if you remember to go look for it yourself next-weekish, go listen to all the songs and if you like mine I’m there under an alias-y name. Vote for it. Or not. Vote for ALL the songs you like. There’s not a limit, I don’t think. My entry is technically “radio mastered,” although I tried to give it a kind of edge and was very scrapey with the tuning, leaving my vocals raw and quite exposed singing long painful phrases. It’s hard to hear. A bit naked. I don’t know what I was thinking, exactly.

I DID want to talk about Nur Ein, because being in Nur Ein was good for me and I loved it until I got sick and had to drop out. Actually, I can think of MANY things to talk about now that I’ve been in an interview. This makes me very motivated about blogging, and my fall projects.

I am now going to nap, and concentrate on my moving and probably write more songs later since I am an addict. And plan my next move. Because I have one, you can be sure. I’m constantly plotting.

So, I think I did well, except for thinking constantly of about seventeen things with the over-arching thing:

“DON’T SAY ‘UM!!!’”

Keep coming back here. I had a good time talking and there’s a lot more to tell I’m sure that the people Heather meets all have amazing stories so keep meeting people. She’s doing a good thing. And keep listening.

important listage!

1. I’m at bandcamp selling/giving out stuff now
denisehudson.bandcamp.com

2. I have a YouTube. My name there is rangerdewshine

4. I am being interviewed on Lyrical Venus’ radio show tomorrow morning at 9:30 central. Top left corner is the link to listen.

5. Also look at the sidebar here. I’ve got other stuff in it like my twitter and Facebook pages

1. there are times when it just gets REALLY frustrating. I think we’ve ALL been there. do you stick it out, or do you QUIT?
2. you get a taco, and you think about it. that’s what I’m doing. i’m going to get a taco. because that’s what the professionals do.
3. $%&#* this $%&^* though.

I ;laksjet;alj ae;osigj vwea;oij va;lkdgj al;dkgn al;ksdgn

*whew!!!!*

a list with some meta

1. I’m slacking off on the blogging. This is because I’m slipping down further and further into a hole of disconnected-ness with the humans.

My-oh-my-oh pie-in-the-sky-o! That was dramatic! Someone give her a jellybean! Or a plastic fish (i have no idea why, i just thought of it.)

I really just think it’s August. At least that’s what I’m hoping. I can honestly say that I am REALLY tired of being LAME…..

2. I’m making another list at the same time over HERE. This is because I am SO DAMN META!!! Yeah. I’m awesome.

3. I thought about trying to write a meta-within-meta list within a list, but my headache briefly worsened. l realized I was just trying to get attention. Ack.
4. I had a connundrum today, but I figured out what I was gonna do, so it’s totally alright.
I’m gonna stick with the plan, and do what I set out to do.
5. I’m not gonna really elaborate, but a watched pot never boils. It’s probably truer than the grass is greener on the other side, or EVEN August is a bad month for me. Suffice it to say, I hate email, I REALLY hate the booking process, and it’s really no wonder I live in a cave and dislike people. Everything is REALLY great until you start ADDING the people.

I think I need to go BACK to Xondor! I get LOTS of work done on Xondor.

6. Weirdly enough, I’m in a good mood.
7. The headache is ALMOST GONE.
8. I cannot eat falafel without getting it ALL over me.
9. I’m going to clean my house. Stop laughing. I don’t care if I have to stay up later to do it.
10. I DID get a tattoo. It’s true.

venty, self-defense list

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m confused and I can’t communicate or talk to people and I can’t sort out my thoughts or feelings. I’m in the middle of too many processes. I don’t even know how to articulate what I need in able to say “help…”

It’s like a drowning person who is not above water anymore, so you can’t see them to throw them an innertube to grab, they’ve sunk into the sea of their own confusion.

It’s kind of funny, because I have a Smackbook, and she’s in the same boat. She’s all filled up with data and has no space for more memories. She’s run out. She’s sluggish and is running slow and confused.

I can’t even finish my metaphor.

I’m going to go with one word, keywords that mean nothing to anyone but me.

1. pack!
2. calm down and prepare.
3. clean up (this means a couple different things)
4. not necessacelery in this order
5. REORGANIZE. No, I mean SERIOUSLY
6. What needs to get done by WHAT TIME?
7. What is realistic for me?
8. What do *I* want to do?
9. What don’t I need hanging around me?
10. how do I get more efficient. Because I’m NOT.

Not remotely.

Ack.

a long list in coming.

When Denise stops making lists, that’s a Bad Sign.

1. I haven’t made any quality PRACTICING lists for a long while. I have been holed up in my studio, desperately squinting into my monitor like a cave fish. This is both stupid and unhealthy. I think this is because I have a lot of fear. I think this is because I have been going through many transitions that I am unsure about and possibly afraid of.
2. I have been through this before. I just forgot what it felt like. I’ve grown too used to this year. This has been the year of contests. And it’s really lasted more than a year. I think I need to sit back, regroup, see what I’ve learned, and before I go launching into the next contest – the purpose of which I have figured out now. I need to be really secure in what the purpose of this type of exercise, this type of advertising, is.
3. I have a high number of tunes that I’ve made, and a large number of ideas that have been produced by these deadlines. But now there is backlog. And I recognize this hollow, slack-jawed, half-ashamed feeling.

I am feeling stressed out about things which *I’m NOT getting PAID for.*

This is Not Good. This shows that my priorities are out of whack. More than a year ago, this is not where I was at. And I have done so much of what I think of now as “free work” that I can afford to be REALLY picky now with what I do. I can do whatever the hell I want. Be REALLY selfish. Ask for what *I* want. Do things ONLY for me. Unless people are going to throw money for me. Which, if they want me to do things for them, they’d better be willing to do.

So I’m going to finish up my things that I’ve signed on for with people. But then I have to make the hard decision to go back to work. Where work either consists of me doing things in my OWN interest, practicing and recording like a maniac, or doing things because I am being paid. I need to start producing stuff that I treat with more reverence.

There’s a wonderful thing that well meaning parents used to tell their kids when we were dating. And I think it TOTALLY holds true for SO many other things. And it’s “why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?”

I think that this is the source of the hollow-ness I feel.

If you want to break a cycle, you have to start with some self-evaluation, some valuing of the self, some time taken for the self, and then some bravery.

4. I do not regret these contests. But what I do know is that I AM a professional. So I am even looking at my best material; thinking “people SHOULD be paying for this.” And I do want to give them that oppurtunity. Because I would like to leave something behind. Here’s ANOTHER tiny list.

-I think that the piano part of ‘Duality Cupcake’ is stellar. As usual though, if I could POSSIBLY play it on an ACTUAL piano, that would be ideal. In absence of that, I would love to do a NAUSEATING amount of research for EXACTLY what I want. Also, I’d like to do something ELSE with the vocals. And there are some fills that need fleshing out in the vibey parts.
-I need to tone down the vibe-ish parts on several other songs. ‘Stranded’ for example, is a really good song. The vocal could be tight and really tell a great story.
-I think I could rewrite a couple of my Nur Ein tunes.
-Something really amazing could come of this joe’n'den idea. I have a huge list which pertains to that. That is actually not something which I include in the list of stuff NOT to do with other people – possibly because Joe is always so supportive to me. So I’m hoping that this can be an open and running collaboration, and that he does not think I am crazy because we have actually not completed any of our current recordings because we are too picky. Also because I may have figured out to fix the lamentable trainwreck that was ‘Keys and Lies.’

5. I also need to pack. SERIOUSLY I need to pack, because in September I am moving into another house. Mike and I are moving into a place with Randall. It will be a LOT larger than where we are now, with spaces for all of us to work out of and have stuff happen. I’ll be able to film things out of there and I have great plans for some little things that I’ve always wanted to do. I am REALLY looking forward to having a fresh start, because we’ve been in this current place for a long time.

6. I’ve started branching out into other types of technology, other sorts of sounds. I’m becoming pickier and more experimental. I *care* more about my work, and the process. I’m starting to feel downright protective of it, in fact. This has caused me to grow very reflective.

7. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to keep one’s sensitivity about the way they envision their work. And I am that way. I feel this way about a LOT of things. I care about presentation, packaging … all these things I used to care about. Being in the contests has cured me of excessive perfectionism. I’ve gotten the point. But now it’s time to peel back and exit the world of compromise in favor of tailoring.

8. I wonder if it is possible to set MYSELF a deadline. I’ve met people who can work on just one thing. I wonder if I could do that.

9. There are lots of positive things and positive changes coming up. I just have to get through … once again … the transition phase. I may take a little time for myself coming up here in a bit, to do some writing and recording. I’m hoping that things will quiet down.

10. I do have a lot of stuff in the works. And I always seem to get impatient for the summer to just FINISH already. I really dislike August.