PG-13, mild language post
Archive for April, 2008
I got an actual job. You know, where I work. Like, for money. It’s really kind of weird.
Hence the title of this post, Habana Ho… I guess I’ll have to learn everything there is to know about cigars.
I actually did have those two “auditions” over the past week or so. Predictably, none went well. Friggin’ Chronicle!
I changed my recording today and wrote a blog about it on my myspace blog. For the last few months, I have been featuring the other two recordings on my myspace page. While these are more current recordings, I feel that it’s time for a more “current” decision – I’ve changed my mind about this today for a few reasons.
‘Emily’ is an old recording, which my vocals sound very “young” to me on, it’s true. This was why I was reticent to open the page with the song in the first place. But I have been listening to the others open the page on a low quality laptop, and because of a lack of mastering and the home studio environment I was restricted to; I think that ‘Emily’ better shows what I could do in a studio (at least, what I could do in 1999 in a studio).
Anyway, I have come to terms with the fact that I do not have “female vocalist” voice. I just didn’t train up into that. And I sound odd and fake to myself when I try to do it up too much. I just sound youthful in timbre, surprisingly so – but this is how is appears to me, and I live in my head.
This is also a recording with a band that I made choices in forming. These were musicians that I felt comfortable with and they were doing things that I wanted them to do at the time on the piece. This represents what I want now – which is to have access to people who would work with me and believe in my vision – and not turn into what my band and some other experiences became … isolated thinking – not seeing the good and cohesive new thing a project I envisioned could become. People who were for themselves during their times with me – and so I shared my music in service to them. These were choices I made, but I thought I had to at the time. So I’ve seen talk but little evidence of what I have wanted so badly. Golden Promises.
‘Emily’ is one of my few pieces of evidence. ‘Emily’ was the closest I’ve probably ever gotten to anything real. You can tell someone that you played with someone that almost happened or at a particular place at a particular time (a place which is usually no longer standing with a club owner who has long since disappeared) … but a recording is something that cannot be argued with. You don’t have to “go back to kindergarten” with a recording.
Emily has stood up, I think. I sound young on it, but it has not aged too badly. A decent recording is a good credential to people. A magic and *famous* recording, with names – of course … would be better; perhaps attached to a tour … but this is a good proof that in 1999 – if I had been a lot more assertive and bossy – perhaps I would be someplace very “magical” today.
I have not yet seen the music in my head come out of vocal chords and pianos and guitars and other instruments into the mics and boards and computers and finally arrive into ears. I have had some luck with engineers. The rest was getting people firmly on their own paths to walk a little on mine, in essence, to believe in me.
Emily was the closest thing I got to the recording I wanted – but I have a long way to go.
I’m going into recording in June or July, I believe. To say my expectations are high is putting it mildly. If it were up to me, the entire album would be tracked already … ah but the involvement of *other musicians* … this is where things start to get hairy. So I will try to push forward. I am wiser now.
We’re going to the cigar shop. I just put a poem on myspace. I think that this was an ineffectual decision, but probably much better than writing strongly worded letters to people in my past. This would accomplish nothing.
I’m “trying out” for a band today – in about four hours. I’m also going to try to make it to lodge. I told Christina that I was thinking of it like “I was going to audition them” though.
EXTRA: Something justhappened that makes me really angry. I am not going to talk about it though. I may post another poem, but here this time.
I’m at the humidor writing my second review, and I just saw a poster. I am going to finish my review -but I didn’t want to make non-review related comments on the review.
The poster was for the John Lennon thing at the coffee shop which I frequent. I was in the bathroom after having spooked this poor woman out by peeking out of the stall at her because I thought that she sounded like Christina (hopefully she didn’t think that I was stalking her). Well when I was done I washed my hands. What was once my “ex-whatever’s” band name is now “His Band Leader and the Band Names”
They used to just be the “Band Names”, I think. It’s pretty amusing to me. Not the usual sinking feeling of “oh crap … I don’t have a gig!”
Now the curly dude in the cap that does computer all the time is having a secret conversation with Mike. Mysteriouser and mysteriouser …
I drank the Kool Aide along with everybody else … but that doesn’t mean I understand how to do a damn thing. I’m basically screwed for a while …